Evil Things to do at Wal-Mart...
...while the wife is taking her sweet time Xmas shopping:

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 1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when
     they are not looking.

 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restroom.

 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone "I think we 
     have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

 5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and
     turn the volumes to 10.

 6. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.

 7. Put M & M's on layaway.

 8. Move "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas.

 9. Set up a tent in the camping departments; tell others you'll only invite 
     them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't 
     you people leave me alone?"

11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you 
     pick your nose.

12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield 
     with G.I.Joes and X-Men.

13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

14. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows 
     where the antidepressants are.

15. Switch signs on the men and women's bathrooms.

16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
     Impossible."

17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.

18. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size 
     funnels.

19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "Pick me !! 
     PICK ME!!!!!"

20. When announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position 
     and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much 
     and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it.

22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud... "Hey, we're out of toilet 
     paper in here!"

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    Jess Adds:
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23. Fill five baskets full of sanitary pads and leave them in the sports 
     equipment department.

24. De-alphabatize the DVDs.

25. Strategically place stuffed animals throughout the store.  Extra points 
     for making an animal parade on the floor.

26. Put an opened Baby Ruth bar in the fishtanks.

27. Accost fellow shoppers and ask if they work here.  Before they can answer, 
     tell them about the horrible rash on your back and ask what they would 
     reccommend to cure it.

28. Fire up the store barbeque and grill burgers for a beach party in aisle 11.

29. Play domnioes with the VHS tapes.  Make sure part of the setup goes by 
     the Customer Service desk.

30. Put romance books in the children's books section.

31. See if you can fit in one of the frozen food aisle compartments.  Close the 
     door and stand very still.  If someone comes close without seeing you, tap 
     the glass and look horrified.