ah447@freenet.carleton.ca (Victor W. Wong) STAR TREK : YATSURA 1/2 ======================= Based on STAR TREK created by Gene Roddenberry and RANMA 1/2 URUSEI YATSURA created by Rumiko Takahashi THE HOUSE OF THE ROSE Written by VICTOR W. WONG STAR TREK and related concepts are trademarks of Paramount Pictures Corporation. RANMA 1/2, URUSEI YATSURA and related characters are trademarks of Rumiko Takahashi. Preceding characters and concepts are used without permission for creation of non-profit, fan-fiction pastiches. Text copyright (c)1995 Victor W. Wong. Requests for reprints should be directed to Mr. Wong at . Historian's note: This story takes place during the fourth season of DS9, after the Klingons return to "The Old Ways" and invade the Cardassian Empire, terminating their alliance with the Federation. This will eventually lead to Cardassia's enterance into the Dominion, but for the moment Cardassia develops an uneasy peace with Starfleet as it provides relief from the continuing Klingon onslaught. Chapter 1 ================================================================= Captain's log, stardate 49251.2. We are on final approach to the Furinken Colony. In anticipation of possible Klingon forces in orbit around the planet, I have ordered our approach to be under cloak. I have also authorized orders to go to red alert should our cloak be penetrated. Meanwhile, we have intercepted and are now analysing media transmissions made around the planet. The senior officers of the USS Yatsura gathered round the conference table, observing the images that flickered round the viewscreen. Lt. Ataru had a bowl of popcorn in front of his seat, which caused several eyebrows to raise, but eventually people began helping themselves. At the head of the table Commander Saotome reviewed his assignment. Contact with the Furinken Colony had been cut off several weeks ago. As the Colony was situated in the demilitarized zone of former Federation colonies under Cardassian rule, everyone was concerned--especially since the Klingon invasion of Cardassian space had left the status of the DMZ an open question. Staring at the viewscreen, Saotome could now confirm that the Klingons had indeed established a controlling prescence on the Colony. The image now on the screen was a Klingon, dressed in a cruder version of that species' battle dress. He was waving a batt'leh and bellowing in measured, almost melodic tones. "This isn't bad," said Ataru, chewing on some popcorn. "The Legend of Kaiel and the Great Duel." "Is that what this is?" Commander Saotome frowned. "I gotta admit I don't go to Klingon opera a lot." "Neither do I," admitted Ataru, "but they showed this clip last year at Grumman's Theatre and Lum wanted to see it. Is there anything else on, Ryunosuke?" The young ensign jumped up and waved a remote control padd at the screen. It clicked and locked onto another image: Klingon females grappling with each other. Various bits of armor were flying off their bodies. "Wrestling?" guessed Lt. Nuku, helping herself to some popcorn. "No," said Lt. Ataru, "I think it's--er--um--it's--" "It's WHAT, Ataru?" Saotome looked at his XO. "Um--Klingon pornography," Ataru said, grinning weakly. "See? They're ripping off each other's breastplates and grabbing-- YAAAAAAAAA!" He was suddenly surrounded by sparks of electrical energy. "Darling! I FORBID you to look at any other body except my own-- oops." Ensign Lum gazed sheepishly at the stares of the others as she let go of the stunned Ataru's hand. "Ensign," said Saotome, rubbing his eyes, "someday we're going to have to explain to you about self-control. All right, Ryunosuke, is there anything els--what is that woman DOING to her--?!" His jaw dropped as he stared at the images on the screen. "Ryunosuke," said Ensign Lum primly, "change the signal! You're too young to see this!" "But--" "DO IT," said Lum, her hand beginning to crackle with energy. Ryunosuke thumbed a button on the padd. The screen went black. "Shame on you," Lum said to Lt. Nuku. "Don't you know your foster brother's too young for that sort of thing?" "But what WAS that Klingon woman doing to the other?" Nuku asked innocently. Everyone around the table reddened slightly, including the now speechless Lum. Saotome cleared his throat. "Um," he said, "perhaps we'd better review what we've seen so far. Comments, anyone--apart from the obvious?" "Well," ventured Lt. Mendou, "we've seen four Klingon movies, all on a battle motif, a satellite rebroadcast of a Klingon inter- stellar news channel, several signals of Klingon battle games, four presentations of Klingon opera and that--um--whatever." "Yeah, a lot of Klingon stuff," Ataru grumbled, "but no Cardassian or Earth stuff--" His eyes widened. "Which is what we WOULD be seeing if the Klingons HADN'T taken over, because that's what the colonists would have--" "Which means," said Lt. Ryoga, "that the Klingons have got control of planetary telecommunications and they're keeping it very tightly controlled." "Aren't they going a little overboard with it, though?" said Ryunosuke. "I've been to Q'onoS, and they've got a lot more variety on Klingon networks. Like Klingon soap operas, Klingon cooking shows--" "Cooking shows?" Mendou's eyebrow raised. "Yeah, like `Cooking with Gagh.' It's apparently one of their top 10 rated shows. Or Q'onoS's Funniest Home Holograms, or--" "All right, Ryunosuke, you've made your point," agreed Lt. Mendou, "which leads me to suspect that the programming we've just seen is geared to satisfy not just Klingons, but a special group of Klingons." "The ruling class," guessed Saotome. "Or what passes for a ruling class on this planet," said Ryunosuke, "which is likely to be the senior officers of whatever Klingon ship took over. It also means we're not going to learn all that much about the current colonists, Federation OR Cardassian, by monitoring the media, if information is that tightly controlled. Commander, I recommend we send an away team down." Saotome nodded. "Okay, you got a point. I've got the home address of the last colonial governor, so I'll go down--" "Captain," said Ataru, "with all due respect, I should lead the away team. In an unknown situation like this--" "It's all right, Ataru," said Saotome. "A situation like this is gonna eventually involve leader-to-leader meetings anyway, so I'll have to go down in any case. We'll be sending down two teams. Ryunosuke can come with me to visit the old Governor. You'll organize a landing party to tour the capital city. Get stuff like newspapers, video clips--get a feel for what's happening currently. While we're both gone, Ryoga can take the conn." "Sure. I can set up a recon party," said Ataru. "Will we be needing money?" "I think we still have a currency exchange with the Klingons," said Saotome, "so if you run the exchange program on our computer, you can get a credit chit issued in Klingon currency. Just don't buy too many beef bowls, okay?" "Sure, but I don't think Klingons eat beef bowls anyway," nodded Ataru. "Gagh bowls, maybe?" said Lt. Mendou, raising an eyebrow in disgust. ***** Commander Saotome could see the livid bruise on Ataru's cheek, as well as the death grip that Ensign Lum had on his arm. He also noticed Lt. Akane standing on the platform, along with two Starfleet security officers--male, Saotome was relieved to see; Ataru usually tried to get all-female away teams. The presence of Lum might have something to do with it. He was also glad to see Ataru had dressed everyone in civvies; sometimes the man didn't pay attention to details like that. "It wasn't my idea, Captain," Ataru said quickly, glancing at Akane. "I know you don't think she's qualified for away team duty- -" Saotome tried to shush him, but already he could see Akane's battle aura start to flare. "--but she said she wanted to get some supplies for the lounge, and she didn't think I'd remember to bring a list." Saotome turned to Akane. "You did this to him?" he pointed to the bruise. "That pervert got fresh," said Akane. "All I did," protested Ataru, "was say that I could show her some interesting places down there." "You didn't have to put your arm around me while saying it!" "Ah-heh," Ataru said, "force of habit." Saotome was looking at Lum, who was looking fairly calm. "Congrat- ulations." "For what?" "Showing self-restraint. Normally you'd have electrocuted Ataru twice since I arrived." "I'm saving them up for when we get back." Lum smiled at Ataru, who turned a shade paler than before. "So Ranma--are you gonna stop me from going?" Akane challenged him. "No," replied Saotome, "I don't think so. Everyone on the crew knows better than to argue with you--" "I'm sooo glad to hear you say that," Akane purred dangerously. "--and I doubt that any Klingon in his right mind's gonna give any grief to a brick-legged macho chick like you--OOOW!" "Hey, knock it off, will you Akane?" said Lt. Nuku, walking in with Ryunosuke. "Ranma's head? Gladly!" Akane fumed. Lt. Nuku giggled. "Oh Akane! We all know you're joking about that!" Akane's expression softened. "Yeah, all right, all right, I'm joking! Well, what are we waiting for, shall we get going?" Ataru's away team stepped onto the transporter platform and disappeared in a sparkle. Saotome stared at Lt. Nuku. "Weren't you on Ataru's away team?" "Naaahh," said Nuku, "Ataru said he'd feel better if I went with you as a bodyguard instead of with him." "He did, did he?" Normally Saotome tried to stay away from his chief of security. He didn't THINK he was prejudiced against androids, especially ones as good as Nuku, but the female android made him nervous for some reason. "Yeah, but I think it's more because everytime I talk with Ataru, Lum tries to electrocute him," Nuku replied with a grin. "Yeah, that girl can be SO jealous sometimes," Saotome mused. He handed over a padd of transporter coordinates to the technician on the station and stepped on the platform. "All right, guys, come on. The old governor hasn't got all day." **** "Boy that was fun!" Lt. Nuku said, as they materialized in front of an apartment building. "Nuku, do you ALWAYS have to be so enthusiastic?" complained Ryunosuke. "It's just a transporter." "C'mon, Ryu, you should always have a positive attitude," Nuku replied. "Although I do think maybe we shoulda brought umbrellas along. It's raining pretty hard, isn't it, Captain?" She squinted at the dark gray skies, letting the rainwater penetrate her hair. It was a moment before the wet, hunched figure of a girl in an ill- fitting Starfleet uniform replied. "Yes, Nuku. It's raining. Would you mind knocking on the door and seeing if we can't get out of it?" Chapter 2 ================================================================= Commander Saotome was feeling very upset at the moment. It wasn't the fact that he had beamed down in the rain and was now in his "cute girl" form. He blamed himself for not checking the weather, but it wasn't that serious a thing. Nor was it the fact that the rain wasn't letting up, making him feel cold and clammy. Nor was it the fact that he was accompanied by Lt. Nuku, his security officer, who always made him nervous for some reason. No, it was the fact that when he asked Nuku to knock on the door of the house of the ex-governor of Furinken Colony, she had cheerfully struck it once. It had blown inwards in a hail of splinters, scaring both Saotome and Ensign Ryunosuke. Fortunately, Saotome didn't have to yell at Lt. Nuku. Ryunosuke was doing a fine job of that all by himself, using various words and phrases that Saotome didn't think he should know at his age. Nuku just stood there, a sheepish look of apology on her face. "What in the world is all that racket--oh!" A Cardassian of late middle age stood in the hallway just beyond the door. He was dressed in soft civilian garb, apparently preparing for a quiet evening. "Governor Dumetik, I presume?" said Saotome, trying out the best cute smile he had in his girl-form. "Ah! A Starfleet officer. Please, forgive me, Starfleet. I hadn't realized you wanted to visit. Elinya!" he called down the hall. "We have some visitors!" He beckoned to them. "Come in, come in, don't stand out there in the rain! Oh, and don't worry about the door, I was going to have it fixed anyway." ***** "We really should have brought an umbrella," muttered Lt. Ataru. "Oh Darling, this isn't so bad," said Ensign Lum cheerfully. "We've been out in worse storms." "Maybe so," said Akane through chattering teeth, "but this rain is making me freeze! Can we find a shop or something and get in out of this?" "How 'bout there?" said Ensign Gosunkugi, pointing to a shop with lights on. The five members of Ataru's party quickly dashed into the shop. For a few minutes they all enjoyed the relative warmth. "You five! What do you want?" Lt. Ataru whirled. The shopkeeper turned out to be a Klingon who probably could have made a living in sumo wrestling. Ataru gulped, then remembered his mission. "Um--hello there! Boy, the weather's nasty today, isn't it?" "What kind of an idiot are you? I don't care about the weather, boy! I have a business to run! Now WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Ataru swallowed--tact wasn't working for some reason. "Um--I don't suppose you have newspapers here--like today's paper, by any chance--?" "Paper?" the shopkeeper roared. "PAPER? Look around you human! What kind of shop do you think this IS?!" The five looked around. Several people--human, Cardassian, Klingon, and a handful of other species--were sitting around a number of tables, on which were various bowls and plates full of food. "Oh," Ataru said in a small voice. "In that case--ah, I guess we could use a table to sit down at--yeah, that's--" "This isn't a furniture shop, you fool! Now are you going to buy some food, or continue wasting my time?!" "Um, Ataru," said Akane, "why don't you let me handle this?" Ataru stepped aside. "Be my guest." Akane grabbed the Klingon's collar and yanked him forward. "I WANT FIVE BOWLS OF TARG'S KIDNEY RAMEN, A PLACE FOR US TO SIT DOWN AND EAT THEM, AND COPIES OF THE LATEST LOCAL PAPERS FOR US TO READ WHILE WE'RE EATING! YOU GOT THAT?!" The Klingon yanked himself back. "I got it, miss. Your table will be right this way. Follow me." He led them to an empty table. When they were seated, Akane explained. "You have to be very direct when dealing with Klingons. No small talk, just get to the facts and get what you want." The Klingon returned with five large bowls of soup. Ataru decided to try out Akane's advice. "Where are our papers?" he asked in as gruff a tone as he could manage. "The latest edition comes out in ten minutes. I will bring it to you when it arrives." "Thank you," Ataru replied. No harm being polite, right? **POW!** "What did he do that for?" Ensign Lum asked, as the Klingon shop- keeper stormed off. "Social niceties like `please' and `thank you' are regarded as unnecessary in Klingon culture," Akane replied. "Anyone using them is regarded as uneducated about Klingons and therefore contemptuous of them. Ataru? Still with us?" Ataru slowly got back into his seat, a little dazed and woozy. "I, uh, think maybe I'll keep my mouth shut while we're here." He took one glance at the bowl in front of him. "Targ's kidney ramen, you said?" Akane nodded. "When done right it's quite good. I've cooked it myself, and every Klingon I've met says they like it." The others stared in their bowls doubtfully. ***** "I won't pretend it's paradise," said ex-governor Dumetik, "but really it's not perdition either. House arrest is a civilized way of treating an enemy, wouldn't you say?" He was sitting in the living room with Commander Saotome's contingent, drinking hot tea which Saotome found distinctive, but not unpleasant. "I assume you're being watched," said Saotome, sipping some tea. Dumetik shrugged. "Of course--only they're not that good at it. You picked a good time to show up here, Captain--Klingons don't like spying in the rain any more than humans do. And I've taken countermeasures, so we won't be overheard. Besides, the new governor won't pay attention to me--not serious attention, anyway." "Are you thinking of launching a counter-coup?" Lt. Nuku asked, slurping from her cup. Dumetik shook his head. "We don't have enough firepower, and there's no point in getting more people killed. We lost too many skilled fighters when the Klingons showed up in the first place." "Was there a battle?" Ensign Ryunosuke asked. "Of a sort," Dumetik replied. "The Klingons targeted our weapons systems and rendered them useless. We lost a third of our number before we finally surrendered." "A third of the colonists?" Saotome asked, shocked. "Excuse me, I should have said a third of our Cardassian defences," Dumetik corrected. "We then realized the Klingons had more ships in orbit than we had troops down here. Cardassians are a lot of things, but we aren't suicidal." "What kind of changes were there?" "Well, the new governor's name is Kuno." "Kuno?" Saotome frowned. "I'm sure I've heard that name somewhere before--" "A d'Harr master?" Lt. Nuku guessed. Saotome snapped his fingers. "Yeah, that's it! They published the latest list a few months ago, his name was one of the new addit- ions. An expert in the Klingon batt'leh. I don't suppose you got a picture of him?" he asked Dumetik. Dumetik opened a drawer on the living room table and pulled out a padd. He clicked a button a few times, and the picture of a young male Klingon appeared. His hair was cut short by Klingon stand- ards, and looked tousled; his face was clean-shaven and had a serious look about it. "He looks to be about your age, sir," Nuku said. "Kinda cute, isn't he?" "I suppose," said Saotome, "if you like Klingons." Dumetik nodded. "He is young. Fairly intelligent. He has a strong sense of honor--he gave our dead warriors a formal burial ceremony and allowed them full honors, as a gesture of respect. I wouldn't have expected that from a Klingon." "But--?" Ryunosuke asked. "He is arrogant. Egotistical, especially for a Klingon. I suppose the best way to describe him is ambitious. When he made his first public appearance, his stated intention was to transform this colony into the seat for his house--the House of the Rose, he called it." "House--like the Klingon Houses of Government?" Ryunosuke guessed. "You're a remarkably perceptive young man," Dumetik noted. "Yes, that's it exactly." "But that would mean imposing a feudal system on the existing structure!" Ryunosuke followed his train of thought. "And as I recall, the Colony's a modified republic! How can he hope to make it work?" "That's the part we're having trouble understanding," Dumetik admitted. "He's replaced our police force with his own people, he's gotten control of the media outlets, and he claims he's given us a new constitution, but most of us are carrying on business as usual and he isn't taking notice." "Huh?" all three of them said. "Our farms are still producing food for us, and we think we may even have a surplus this year," Dumetic explained. "The mines are busy. Our manufactures are still on schedule for production, and the urban shops are reporting normal business. Kuno hasn't touched any of these--at least, not yet." "What about taxes?" Saotome asked. "They're the same as before the Klingons arrived." Saotome shook his head. "I don't get it." "Kuno may call himself head of government," said Dumetik, "but that's in name only. The day-to-day operations are left to his sister, Kodachi." He tapped the padd, and the picture of a petite Klingon female appeared. Her face wore the same serious expression as Kuno's, although the eyes appeared to glint more brightly. "I'd call her a babe, wouldn't you Commander?" Ryunosuke asked. "Have you been hanging around Ataru again?" Saotome asked him. "Though I suppose she's not bad-looking--for a Klingon," he conceded. "Kodachi's instructed the Klingons only to enforce the new constitution if there's an open conflict with their decision- making," Dumetik continued. "It makes for a fairly orderly transition of government, in a way." "So there hasn't really been any change in life at the Colony, then?" "I didn't say that," Dumetik replied. "Oh, but forgive my manners--have some more tea. You see, there are two areas where he's made changes that no one's happy with. First, he's cut off all non-Klingons from representation in his government." "But how serious is that?" asked Lt. Nuku, sipping her refilled cup. "Very serious," said Dumetik, "if you're used to a democracy." "But the Klingons have a democracy!" said Ryunosuke. "In the Imperial government," said Saotome, a thought coming into his head. "But not in the individual Houses. That's still divided into nobility, retainers, barons and serfs--like what Earth used to have. And the Klingons are treating the individual colonists here like serfs, aren't they?" "Most of us, yes," admitted Dumetik. "The defense force--soldiers, policemen, the like--get treated a little better, but the people on the farms and the tradesmen are looked on as slightly higher than dirt. Needless to say, a lot of the colonists are finding that somewhat grating." "What's the other change?" asked Ryunosuke. "Travel on and off the planet's been restricted," replied Dumetik. "At the moment it's an inconvenience, but as more people become discontent with the new regime, there's a good possibility it could become a riot." "Why restrict travel?" Saotome wondered. "Listening to his speeches," Dumetik replied, "I get the impression that Kuno's trying to present a strong public image to the universe outside. Beefing up his claim that the House of the Rose is a legitimate claimant to power in the Klingon Empire." "Huh. Y'know, I think I might like to meet this Kuno," Saotome mused. "Guy sounds unbelievable." Dumetik frowned. "There may be a way," he said quietly. Chapter 3 ================================================================= "So," said Akane, "we learn anything from the local papers?" Ensign Gosunkugi frowned. "Not much," he said, "unless you're interested in Klingon stories." "What, they completely suppressed everything non-Klingon?" "Not quite," said Ensign Lum, handing over her paper. "See here, Darling? Five birth notices for two Terran and three Cardassian families." "Birth notices?" "Uh-huh. Isn't it so romantic, Darling?" "Hey," said Ensign Tenchi. "There's also obituaries and ads for the colonists." "So, as long as you got money, you can make yourself heard," said Gosunkugi. "But not in any meaningful way." Akane frowned. "Damn. There's gotta be a better way to find out about life on this colony!" "And so there is," said a pleasant baritone voice. They all turned their heads. The Klingon was young, his short hair slightly tousled. His outfit was more formal than the Klingon norm, and a wooden sword hung on his belt. He was also holding a red rose. "'Tis a wonder," he said, touching the rose to his face, "that in the midst of the bramble one can still find a single, pure rose. Such beauty in the midst of the purely mundane is rare indeed, and must be cherished while it is still there." He placed the rose in front of Akane. "Er--excuse me? Who are you?" Akane asked warily. "I am governor of this colony, and captain of the Imperial Starship Blue Thunder. I am Kuno, of the House of the Rose. And who might you be, my vision of beauty?" "Um--my name is Akane," she replied, "but--" "Akane," he said. "A lovely name. It matches your fairness. Why, none would disagree should I declare you the most beautiful woman in this restaurant." Out of the corner of her eye, Akane noticed Lum doing a slow burn. She hoped no one would be electrocuted. "Well," she said, "I appreciate the compliment--but really, what do you want?" "Spoken like a true Klingon," Kuno approved. "I will date with you, Lady Akane." "WHAT?!" said everyone at the table. "Why should there be surprise?" replied Kuno. "Am I not governor, head of the House of the Rose? Shall I not then take the fairest in the land for my consort?" Kneeling beside Akane, he placed his arm around her shoulders as he spoke. "Consort THIS, you--pervert!" Akane snapped, landing an elbow into Kuno's midriff with a loud THUNG. Kuno doubled over, gasping. "Ah--Akane--" said Ataru nervously. "Ataru, I don't care what rank he is, NOBODY touches me like that!" "Ah," gasped Kuno, straightening, "you show spirit. I like that in a woman." "Huh?" said Akane. Then she remembered that Klingon mating rituals usually involved violence. Which meant she'd just--"No! I mean I didn't--" "It matters not, fair one," said the governor, his breath back again. "Know that each week, it is my custom to gather all Klingons and their mates at the Great Hall of this city, for a grand feast and celebration of the founding of my House. This evening, such a feast shall be held, and I invite you to attend--as my date." "Ah--" said Akane. "She'd be HAPPY to attend!" said Lt. Ataru quickly. Everyone stared at him. "And who are YOU to speak for the Lady Akane?" said Kuno, his eyebrow raised in derision. "I'm--I'm captain of her bodyguard!" replied Ataru, with a nervous grin. "Our job's to escort Lady Akane during her stay in this city and make sure nothing happens to her--and to see she has a good time! Yeah, that's it! Anyway your party sounds like just the thing to make her stay unforgettable!" Kuno frowned. "So! If fair Akane is to attend my gathering, you must come as well?" "Yep!" said Ataru. "Sorry if it's inconvenient for you, but orders are orders, you know!" "And who do you take orders from? Lady Akane herself?" "Noooo, actually her guardian. Um, where she comes from, I mean." "Hmmmm. It is not unheard of for a woman of quality to have an escort when she attends a social gathering. Very well, you may also attend--but you shall not mix with the other guests, but stay with the servants, on pain of my displeasure--and your deaths!" "Oh, sure, no problem!" Ataru grinned. "Now I must take my leave to prepare for this evening. Farewell, Akane. We shall meet anon." And the new governor strode boldly out of the restaurant. "Ataru, what are you DOING?" Akane hissed. "Akane, it's the perfect opportunity to check out what the Klingons are up to!" Ataru said, in an urgent whisper. People were starting to stare at them. "And we can chat with their so-called servants and see what everyone else thinks of the whole thing! It's a great way to get information!" "Are you SURE that's all there is to it?" Akane asked suspiciously. Ataru nodded vigorously. Actually, he had another motive: he was hoping that maybe other Klingons at that party would keep Lum busy enough to stop paying so much attention to him. But of course he wouldn't say that out loud. ***** "A party?" Commander Saotome asked. Dumetik nodded. "He gathers the members of his crews together every week to catch up on what everyone's been doing. There's about a half-hour of serious de-briefing followed by three hours of serious brawling. There've also been rumours about mating rituals --but you shouldn't trust them." "Of course," Ensign Ryunosuke said drily. "The main problem is getting yourself invited," Dumetik continued. "Few non-Klingons attend. Still, there are exceptions--one of the conditions of my house arrest is that I attend at least the first part of these evenings, to see what improvements the new order has --er--imposed. And some of the Klingon dates are non-Klingon-- taken from the colonial population." Dumetik shuddered. "Though why some folks would want to mate with a Klingon--but I suppose we all have our prejudices." "Hmmm," said Saotome. "It'd be a good way to meet Kuno, but since we don't know any Klingons here--" "Sir," said Ensign Ryunosuke, "there IS a way to get invited." ***** "Welcome back, sir," said Lt. Mendou. Saotome, Lt. Nuku, and Ryunosuke stepped off the platform. "Thanks, Mendou. Any problems?" "We located traces of anti-protons in orbit, sir," replied Mendou, handing him a kettle of hot water as he escorted the three of them to the bridge. "The concentration is consistent with that produced by a force of five to seven cloaked vessels." Saotome poured hot water on himself, turning male again. "Are they all over the planet?" "No sir. Their stationing pattern seems to be within 2000 square kilometres of the space above the capital city." "Any sign they detected us?" "No, but I won't make guarantees. There is a second problem--" "Can it wait until I adjust our orbit a bit?" Saotome asked. Lt. Mendou hesitated a moment. "It can, sir." Upon arrival at the bridge, Saotome relieved Lt. Ryoga in the captain's chair and said, "Conn, move us to the polar opposite position of those anti-proton traces." "Aye, sir." In ten minutes, the Yatsura was now on the other side of the planet from the suspected Klingon positions. "All right," Saotome said. "Increase our altitude, then drop the cloak and approach those traces. I want it to look like we've just arrived at the planet for the first time." "Sir," said Lt. Mendou, "are you trying for an open confrontation with the Klingons?" Saotome smiled. "Open, yes. Confrontation--well, that's too strong a word. Watch and learn." The now-uncloaked Yatsura approached the space above the capital city. There was a shimmer, and five Klingon battle cruisers appeared. "Sir--" "Yellow alert," Saotome ordered. "Shields up, but stand down our weapons systems. I want to make it clear we don't want to fight." "Sir," reported the communications officer, "one of the ships is hailing us." "On screen." The image of a short, mustaschioed Klingon appeared. "Federation vessel. I am Major Sasuke of the Imperial Klingon Battlecruiser Blue Thunder. What is your business?" Saotome stood. "I am Commander Ranma Saotome of the Starship Yatsura. We are on a diplomatic initiative to meet with a new Klingon House of Government based on this colony." Major Sasuke's eyes widened slightly. "We are prepared to recognize the House of the Rose as a major Imperial power. But we must learn more before we can decide our policy." Major Sasuke hesitated. "Governor Kuno is--busy at the moment." Saotome drew a breath. Time to put Ryunosuke's idea into play. "Then I will speak with his second-in-command--or his seneschal." Sasuke spoke into a microphone, in Klingon. There was a staticky reply before he nodded at the screen. "Very well." The scene changed to a young Klingon woman, wearing a VERY low-cut outfit. A small smile crept across her face. "Well, now. Mister Saotome, I believe Sasuke called you. May I call you Ranma? After so many years of looking at Klingon males, it is SOOO nice to see such a gorgeous human. Where have you been all my life?" Several eyebrows raised, and a few suppressed snickers were heard. The woman leaned towards the screen, allowing some cleavage to show. "I'd REALLY like to get to know you better. What do you say?" "Um--er--ah--" Saotome stammered. He wasn't used to this strong a come-on. "Call me Kodachi, Ranma darling," said the Klingon languorously. "I'm SOO glad you're here. You see, there's this little get- together tonight, and poor li'l me, I don't have a date." "Ah--" Saotome stammered. "He'd be HAPPY to escort you!" said Ryunosuke, stepping in. "When and where?" "Tonight," replied Kodachi. "Say, eightish, local time, in the Grand Hall. I think we'll have a GOOOD time together, my dear Ranma." Her image winked out. Saotome pretended not to notice the smirks from everyone else on the bridge. He turned to Mendou. "You mentioned another problem?" "Yes, Lt. Ataru's away team." "They haven't checked in yet?" "That's the problem. When Ataru had them dress in civilian clothes, he forgot to give them commbadges." Saotome stared at him. "Oh, great. When Ataru screws up, he doesn't do minor ones. So we can't even beam them up?" "Not for another nine hours. It'll take us that long to isolate their patterns in our planetary scans. In the meantime, it looks like they'll be on their own." ***** Ataru's away team had left the restaurant and were approaching a local mall when they discovered their mistake. Ataru knew he should assume responsibility; in fact, he would have said so--but it was hard to speak when Akane was shaking and throttling him at the same time. "Buuaa--gek--wark--" he said. "YOU JERK! HOW COULD YOU FORGET SUCH A THING!" Akane shouted. "Akane! We all forgot!" Gosunkugi tried to calm her down. "We're also attracting a scene!" Ensign Lum pointed out. Akane looked up and around, seeing several bystanders staring at them. She quickly let go of Ataru, who collapsed gasping for breath. "Great," she muttered. "We can't talk to the ship, and we can't beam back up. What now?" "Darling," Lum asked the prone figure on the ground, "do you still have credit on that Klingon voucher?" Ataru lifted his head groggily, nodded, then collapsed again. "Let's go shopping," Lum said brightly. "SHOPPING? What for?" snapped Akane. "Well, you ARE going to that party tonight," Lum replied, "and you'll need a formal gown, I think. And as your retinue, the rest of us need to look our best too, right?" Akane's only answer was an angry glare. Chapter 4 ================================================================= Captain's log, stardate 49252.2. I've accepted an invit- ation by Kodachi, the second-in-command of the new Kling- on government here on Furinken Colony, to attend a party hosted by Governor Kuno later this evening. I believe this will be the best opportunity available to find out the Klingons' plans for this colony. Based on our observations so far, I'm afraid I see trou- ble ahead. The Klingons' refusal to allow the original colonists a voice in the government, combined with their iron control over migration from the Colony, can only result in something catastrophic. The former governor, Dumetik, says the Klingons here won't listen to him, or take him seriously. They might, however, listen to a voice from outside colonial politics, if Kuno's Imperial ambitions are as strong as Dumetik believes. I won't pretend this'll be easy. I'm no diplomat. What's more, Kodachi's--ah--interest in me doesn't seem to be entirely professional. While I'm sure I can handle her, I'm not so sure about handling Akane, if she finds out. Lt. Ataru's oversight in not issuing our away team comm- badges means we've lost contact with them. While this is serious, I am confident we can establish contact with them soon, depending on our sensor data. I wonder what they've been up to. ***** "There now," said Ensign Lum, "don't you feel better?" The away team was in a shopping mall in the capital city. Specif- ically, they were in a high-fashion store, where Akane was trying on a formal gown for the evening festivities. "I suppose," grumbled Akane, "but I'm not sure about the shoes." "What's wrong with them?" "The heels are too high." "We can get some lower ones. The long skirt of this gown'll hide them, anyway." "Hey, are you guys done yet?" Lt. Ataru asked impatiently. "That's gotta be the tenth gown you tried on so far!" "Just gimme a moment, Darling!" replied Lum. She checked herself over and stepped out of the dressing room. "Ta-daa!" "Whoaaa!" Ensign Gosunkugi breathed. The male members of the away team were now clothed in metallic outfits that looked quite a bit like 23rd-century Starfleet dress uniforms. Lum was now dressed in something similar--except that hers had been specially tailored to show off every curve she had. "What do you think?" Lum giggled. "Ah--" Ataru managed to get his jaw into his mouth. "That'll do just fine, Lum. Akane! You ready yet?" Akane emerged, dressed in a sleeveless gown of deep blue satin trimmed with white lace. Her arms were encased in long white gloves and a silver tiara adorned her hair. About the only thing that looked wrong was the look of distress on her face. "You all right?" Ataru asked. "This gown is tight around my stomach," Akane complained. "But the saleswoman said that was the fashion for Betazoids," Lum replied, "and besides, that's the color that best suits you, Akane." She turned to Ataru. "What do you think of Akane's gown, Darling?" "I think she looks fantastic." "Hmmm." Lum smiled. "That's another twenty, Darling." "Another twenty? Twenty what?" "Volts of energy I'll add to my love embrace when this is over." "Volts of--" Ataru swallowed. "Just exactly how high up am I?" "Sixteen hundred and three." "LUM!" "Don't forget, Darling," Lum purred, "I know exactly how unfaithful you can be--even with the way you cast your glances. Now then, why don't you go find the cashier so we can pay for these outfits, hmmm?" ***** Commander Saotome pulled out a lintbrush from his dresser drawer and began brushing his dress uniform. He remembered how hard it was to get this outfit. Garak, the tailor at DS9, had taken several days to replicate textile cloth and leather that could stretch and shrink in reaction to water temperature. The result was expensive, but worth it in terms of maintaining Starfleet dignity--a uniform that would fit him no matter what form he had. Pity he only had the one outfit, though. He inspected the uniform, then donned it and gave himself a once- over in the mirror. It'll do for tonight, he thought. His door chimed. "Come," he said aloud. Lt. Ryoga, the Yatsura's chief engineer, stormed in. "Ranma! I was just told that Akane's missing! How could you let this happen?" "Come off it, P-Chan, I didn't lose'em! Ataru forgot something, that's all!" "DON'T CALL ME P-CHAN! Akane's gone, and all you're going to do is go to a party? How callous can you be, Saotome?" "Aw, put a sock in it, Ryoga. Akane's got enough sense not to leave the city, and in seven more hours we'll be able to scan for'em. Quit worrying." "Hah! Quit worrying, he says! Akane in the middle of a city filled with Klingons--you DO know about Klingon mating rituals, don't you?!" "Involves a lot of fighting, right? Hey Ryoga, Akane's got better sense than that!" "Damnit, Ranma! You have to let me go down there and find her!" "You mean THEM, don't you?" "Huh? Oh yeah, the other away team people. That's right, you have to let me go find'em!" Saotome considered. "Hmm. All right, Ryoga, you can beam down with me." He went to the replicator. "Computer, I need five commbadges." "Now that's the first sensible thing you've done, Ranma! Honestly, you can't think Akane's gonna be waiting for you to marry her for the rest of her life--but why are you tying those commbadges into that bandanna?" "Simple, Ryoga. Before I left, Dumetik gave me a census report of the population--people plus livestock. We both know you can get lost sitting in a comm terminal, so I'm making it easier for us to keep track of you while you look for the away team." "What are you talking about?" "Well, right now you've got the sorta face that wouldn't really stick out in a crowd. But guess which species Furinken Colony DOESN'T have--and which EVERYONE is bound to notice?" "Uh--" Too late, Ryoga saw the bucket of cold water. "Ranma, NO! NOT--" *BLOOSH* ***** Commander Saotome entered the transporter room. Clutched in his hand was ... "Hey!" said Ensign Shinobu, "that's a neat little piggie you got there, sir!" Saotome hefted the little black piglet up. The commbadges were in a little sack neatly pinned to the pig's bandanna collar, whose knot was neatly pinned with another commbadge. "I'm glad you think so, Ensign. You know what to do, right, P-Chan?" "BU-KEEEEE!" replied the angry piglet. He tried to bite Saotome's hand, without much success. Saotome stepped onto the transporter platform. "Now remember--call me when you've managed to isolate the away team's patterns. And if you hear me tap on the commbadge four or more times, it means there's a brawl on and I want outta there. All right, energize." ***** Furinken Colony's Great Hall was fairly impressive, Saotome decided. Unfortunately the effect was ruined by attempts at Klingon decoration. The classic lines of Independence Hall U.S.A. are not exactly enhanced by towers of large building stone. He looked at the number of couples strolling towards the Hall. The Klingons among them looked happy and boisterous. A lot of the non- Klingon "dates," on the other hand, had expressions of resignation on their faces. He did spot a few, however, whose faces were just as animated as their escorts. Takes all kinds, he thought. He set the transformed Lt. Ryoga down on the ground. "Okay, P- chan, you know what to do. You spot Akane or Ataru, jump on'em. They know who you are--well, at least Ataru does--" "Kuh-WEEEE!" "Hey, it was YOUR idea to keep this pig thing from Akane! Anyway, you make sure they know to open that bundle. They can take it from there. Now off you go." P-Chan aimed a weak pig kick to Saotome's ankle, then scurried off, away from the Hall. Saotome sighed, and began climbing the stairs towards the hall entrance. Kodachi was waiting for him when he reached the doors. "Why, good evening, Commander Saotome. A pleasure to see you." She smiled as she took Saotome's arm. He swallowed nervously and allowed her to escort him in. Inside the hall, Saotome noted the tables, all set up to surround the center of the room where a large fire was blazing. He looked at the ceiling; there was a large hole haphazardly cut to let the smoke chimney out. The overall effect was to make the room a little misty with smoke; the smell, while not unpleasant, was very strong. "Oh, that's my brother for you," Kodachi was saying. "He's a very strong believer in the old traditions, impractical as they are. Take that fire for example. We could have set up a holographic fire, but he insisted on a real one. Fortunately it's not too inconvenient." They paused at a large table, laden with Klingon foodstuffs. Kodachi picked up a tray. "Now Commander, I must INSIST that you try these pickled gagh. It's our family recipe." "Pickled gagh?" "Oh yes. We let a batch of gagh sit for several hours in a vat of rice wine. Absolutely divine taste, my dear." Saotome tentatively picked up a worm, lowered it into his mouth, chewed and swallowed. "Mmmmm. Hey you're right, it's quite good." They passed from the table, and Saotome spotted the former governor Dumetik chatting idly with some of the non-Klingon females. "Yo, Dumetik! Good to see ya!" The Cardassian frowned. "Have we met, young man? Oh, you're Starfleet! You must be from the Yatsura! Yes, I was chatting with--" "--uh, with some of my crewmembers, yeah!" Saotome had forgotten he was in "cute girl" form when he had met Dumetik earlier. Dumetik's eyebrow rose, and then he smiled. "Yes, of course. You must be Commander Saotome. Do you have a crewmember, a female one--" "Yeah, ah, she's my sister," said Saotome quickly. "She's briefed me fully on--" Dumetik shook his head, aiming a gaze at Kodachi, who was still clinging to his arm. "--but that's shop talk, and I'm sure you don't want to hear that," Saotome grinned. "Well--see ya!" And he allowed Kodachi to steer him away from the Cardassian. "I suppose you realize we know about your away team's visit to the Governor?" Kodachi asked softly. "I'd be surprised if you didn't," Saotome replied. "What did you think of him?" "I sort of like him," Kodachi replied. "If he wasn't so old--but my brother is so determined to have his way." "You mean setting up a House?" "You're SUCH a bright boy," Kodachi smiled. "Yes, exactly. All these colonists--in Kuno's eyes, their only purpose is to supply our House with wealth, manpower and resources. In exchange, we govern them fairly and enforce peace among them." "But don't you think the colonists should have a say in their own affairs?" "My darling Ranma, it doesn't matter what I think, it's what Kuno thinks. It'd take a duelling sword to change his mind--ah, but here we are." Saotome suddenly realized that Kodachi had steered him into a slightly darkened room. "Where are we?" "A cloakroom," said Kodachi. "One that I specifically ordered closed for tonight." "Why did you want to--ah--urgh--" Saotome realized he couldn't move. None of his muscles were able to bend nor flex. Kodachi's smile became wolflike. "Perfect. That paralysis potion I put in the pickled gagh worked right on time." Saotome found he was losing strength in his legs. "Wha--why--" "You know, my dear Ranma, ever since I first laid eyes on you, I knew we were meant for each other. And now I have you right where I want you." She gave a slight shove, and he crashed to the ground. She bent over him and placed her hands on his cheeks, forcing his lips to pucker. As she lowered her face to his, Saotome fought to keep a look of panic from shining out of his eyes... Chapter 5 ================================================================= Commander Saotome was in a pickle. More to the point, he was in a darkened cloakroom, rendered immobile by some drugged food, and about to be kissed by a Klingon named Kodachi--a woman for whom he felt absolutely NO attraction. Fortunately for him, before Kodachi's lips could touch his, the cloakroom door opened. "This looks like a good place to hide--OH! Well, hellloooo there!" Kodachi instantly straightened, staring up at the sight of Lt. Ataru framed in the door. "Wha--who--oh!" She blushed, which was no mean trick for a Klingon. "My, my," said the smiling Ataru, "now what is such a beautiful woman like yourself doing hiding away in this closet?" "Ah--" Kodachi stood up straight, over the prone form of Commander Saotome. Ataru looked down. "Oh, hi, sir! I didn't know you were coming to the party!" "Heehhh--eee--uuuuh--" Saotome tried to say. His jaw was still frozen by the paralysis drug. Ataru suddenly cocked his head. Then he smiled. "They've started playing dance music. Would you like to join me on the floor, beautiful one?" He grabbed Kodachi's hand. "No, I would not," snapped Kodachi. "Now unhand me, you--you--" "Oh, but please," Ataru said, leaning towards her. "You are really so beautiful, and I--I have never beheld such beauty before--" Kodachi seemed to be paralyzed by Ataru's flattery, as well as the sincere look in his eyes. Her blush seemed to become deeper. "You--you really think so?" she whispered. Saotome fumed silently. He needed help right now, and all Ataru could do was a clumsy seduction attempt on a Klingon. Trust Ataru to get distracted by a girl--even a Klingon girl. And what would happen when, eventually-- "DAAARRRLING!! YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME AGAIN!" An electric blast of energy cannoned through the cloakroom door, striking Ataru square in the back. He was still holding Kodachi's hand, and the Klingon's foot was touching Saotome's leg. Thus, all three of them received the full benefit of Ensign Lum's love zap. When it was over, Kodachi collapsed, dazed, across Saotome's body. Ataru crashed to his knees, but snapped to himself immediately and stormed out the door. "JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he nearly screamed at Ensign Lum. "You know I won't tolerate your illness, darling!" Lum snapped back. "Since when is innocent flirtation an illness? And did you know Commander Saotome was in there? You could have--" "Yo. Ensign Lum. Good work." Ataru turned to see Commander Saotome standing behind him, a broad grin on his face. "You all right, sir?" "Better than all right. Lum, that zap of yours got a paralysis drug out of my system. Thanks." Lum blushed. "By the way," Commander Saotome continued, "I thought you said you were going to wait until you got back to the ship before zapping Ataru." "I'm sorry, sir," Lum replied. "I just lost control of myself for the moment." "Lost control, she says," Ataru muttered under his breath. "Hmph." "All right, you two, let's get out of here," Saotome said. He and his two crewmen walked away from the cloakroom where Kodachi still lay sprawled. "So what's with the outfits?" Saotome looked at the silvery uniforms Ataru and Lum wore. "Oh that reminds me--" He tapped his commbadge. "Saotome to Yatsura. Locate the pig I was carrying and beam him to my co-ordinates." ***** Lt. Ryoga was cursing. Of course, it didn't sound that way to the people managing the colonial animal shelter. It sounded more like an upset black piglet squealing his heart out. The duty veterinarian simply shrugged and closed the little cage door, locking up the pig for the moment. No good letting animals roam loose round the city. Ryoga fumed as he surveyed the not-too-clean cage. First Saotome tricked him into this form, then he had to go and get lost, and THEN he got scooped up in a net and thrown into cart with a bunch of stray dogs, many of which seemed to be partial to pork. He hoped he didn't injure too many of them; the vets were going to be busy the next morning. At least he still had the commbadges; those dogcatchers hadn't taken those away. But he was pretty sure he wouldn't like whatever happened next. He heard the sound of footsteps and looked out the door. That vet was approaching again--only this time he was carrying a sponge and a basin full of steaming water. Ryoga abruptly realized the vet was going to give him a bath. He shrieked--or rather squealed ... ***** .. and abruptly found himself somewhere else. Two arms, sheathed in silvery sleeves, picked him up. "Oh! What an adorable little pig!" Ensign Lum cried. "But what's in this little sack?" "Commbadges, for your away team," Saotome replied. He ignored the dirty look the pig was giving him and gave a hard glare to Lt. Ataru. "Next time, remember them before you beam down, okay?" "Yes, sir. Thanks, sir," replied Ataru as he undid the sack and handed a commbadge to Lum. "The rest of the away team's with Lt. Akane. They're making their entrance in the Great Hall--" There was a sudden fanfare on Klingon trumpets. Saotome noted they were loud, but not very musical. "I think that's them. Let's go see." ***** When Saotome, Lum and Ataru entered the Great Hall, they saw that most people were standing near the walls, looking at the center. As for what occupied their attention-- "What's going ON?" Saotome asked in the loudest whisper he could manage. Lt. Akane, dressed in her formal blue gown, was standing in one part of the cleared space, a grim, determined expression on her face. In front of here were nearly a dozen Klingon men, all of whom were armed and wearing feral grins on their faces. "Gosunkugi and Tenchi are over there," Lt. Ataru pointed. "Let's go ask them." The three of them edged their way over to the two ensigns, who were helping themselves to food at a nearby table. No one paid atten- tion to them; the crowd was beginning to shout encouragements to either the Klingons or to Akane. "Cap'n! Hello, sir!" Gosunkugi said quickly, when Saotome tapped him on the shoulder. "All right guys, what's going on here?" Saotome demanded. The crowd was yelling so loudly he could barely make himself heard. "I think it's an ancient Klingon mating ritual, sir," offered Tenchi. "At least that's how our host explained it." "Host? Where?" Tenchi pointed to the other end of the hall, beyond the Klingons preparing to attack Akane. There was a podium, where there stood a chair, on which sat the man Saotome recognized as Governor Kuno. He stared at the Klingon, silently appraising him like a martial arts opponent, speculating in his mind about strengths and weaknesses-- His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a whistle and the roar of Klingon battle-cries. "What's happening? What's this ritual thing about?" "The way he explained it, a girl has to fight a Klingon lord's best warrior to prove herself a worthy bride." "Bride? AKANE?!" "Well, earlier this afternoon Kuno took one look and suddenly came over with the hots for her," said Ataru. "Akane told him to get lost, but I think he thinks she's playing hard to get." "WOW! Look at Akane go!" exclaimed Lum. Everyone snapped their attention to the action. Saotome hadn't been too worried about how Akane would do--he'd sparred with her several times and knew how good she was at fighting. Already six of the twelve Klingons were lying on the ground, groaning or unconscious. As he watched she ducked a swing of a batt'leh from a seventh Klingon, then pumped her knee into his groin and smashed the heel of her hand against his jaw. The Klingon collapsed. "So why'd she agree to this stupid ritual anyway?" Saotome asked. "The tradition says that at the end of the fight, the woman gets to fight the lord," Tenchi explained, "and if she wins, the lord must give up his claim. I guess Akane REALLY wants to drum it into Kuno's head that she doesn't want to marry him." Two minutes later, ten Klingons were out of action. The two remaining circled Akane warily, their weapons making preliminary feints. The skirt of Akane's gown was now badly torn, as were the gloves she was wearing. She was breathing hard, but the look on her face was as angry and grim as ever. One of the Klingons suddenly jabbed his weapon--a spear--forward. Startled, Akane took one step back--and stepped on a piece of her torn gown. It pulled on her waist, and she fell awkwardly. Both Klingons grinned, and advanced on Akane. Suddenly the Klingon with the spear felt an explosion on his face. Commander Saotome, with the speed of a true martial artist, had taken two leaps into the center of the hall, and with the third leap he'd just drop-kicked the Klingon. The crowd reacted with boos (from the Klingons) and cheers (from a lot of the non- Klingons). The last Klingon, distracted by the fight between Saotome and his companion, failed to notice Akane rolling onto her feet and stepping towards him. He felt a tap on his shoulder, turned--and got a knockout blow to the jaw, just as Saotome booted his opponent into unconsciousness. "What'd you do THAT for?" Akane snapped at Saotome. "I was winning!" "What, no saying `thank you' for saving your butt?" "I didn't NEED your help, you jerk!" "Coulda fooled me--on the ground tangled up in a gown you obviously can't wear--" "Look, you--" "HOLD!" interrupted a new voice. Saotome and Akane turned towards it. Governor Kuno was stamping towards them. He drew a wooden training sword and pointed it at Saotome. "You there! You are being awfully familiar with the Lady Akane! Who are you and what have you to do with her?" Saotome looked warily at the training sword. "Well, I'm--" "Ah! But I have forgotten the proprieties. By Klingon tradition I should introduce myself first. Very well." Kuno sheathed his sword and posed in a dramatic stance. "I am Kuno, new governor of Furinken Colony, commander of the Imperial Battlecruiser Blue Thunder, and head of the House of the Rose--a rising star in the affairs of the Klingon Empire. Now, then--who are you?" "Well, I'm Akane's commanding officer--" "WHAT?" The sword was out, whishing through the air where Saotome's head had been. "YOU dare give commands to the fair Lady Akane?! I see your foul evil now, enslaver of women! I shall destroy you and end her slavery!" During this speech, Saotome had been dodging the blows and swings of Kuno's sword. Now he was in mid-leap--and landed, balancing rather neatly, on the blunt edge of the sword. Ignoring the applause and whistles of admiration from the spectators, he aimed a steady gaze into the Klingon's face. "I command the Federation Starship Yatsura. I'm heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. I'm Commander Ranma Saotome--" He leaped from the sword onto the hall floor and assumed a battle stance. "--and I accept your challenge," he concluded, smiling confidently. Chapter 6 ================================================================= In the Great Hall of Furinken Colony, Commander Saotome and Governor Kuno squared off, surrounded by boisterous spectators. "A Starfleet officer, eh?" Kuno sneered. "Yet you would compel into slavery the fair Akane Tendo!" "What the hell are you TALKING ABOUT?" Saotome snapped. "Get a grip, Governor!" "SILENCE, FOOL!" Kuno roared, charging forward. Waiting until the last moment, Saotome sidestepped the Klingon's sword blow. It struck a table, which collapsed, sliced neatly in two. "Whoa, nice move!" Saotome whistled. "Especially since that's a wooden sword with a blunt edge!" "That? That is NOTHING!" snapped Kuno. He whistled and tossed the wooden sword to another nearby Klingon. He tossed back a batt'leh. "Now," gritted Kuno, "feel the true power of a Klingon d'Harr master!" He began a series of wide, rapid swings of the deadly Klingon weapon. Saotome began to back up, tumbling away from the deadly edge of that weapon. The crowd melted away from the two as Kuno continued his onslaught. Finally, Saotome found himself on top of the food table. Kuno swung, Saotome leaped--and the batt'leh buried itself into the table wood. Saotome caroomed off the wall, and landed lightly on Kuno's shoulders. "Hey, Kuno, you wanna talk this over rationally now?" he called down. Kuno was struggling to free the batt'leh. "You expect me to deal rationally with such an enslaver of women as you?" "Well, yeah," Saotome grinned. "Like, if you can beat me, then sure, I'll give you Akane--" "RANMA!" roared the nearby Akane Tendo. Ensigns Gosunkugi and Tenchi quickly grabbed her arms, restraining her from going up and punching Saotome out. "BUT," Saotome continued, unperturbed, "if I beat YOU, then you gotta give up this `House of the Rose' business." Kuno stopped pulling on the batt'leh as he thought about it. "Give up--my House?" "Yeah--or at the very least, don't set it up here. You know, let the colony have their old leadership back." Kuno spun quickly, and Saotome jumped to the floor. "You would have me give up my plans for the Empire? Have I not treated these colonists with the respect they deserve--as any good chattel deserves? Have I not given them leadership? Do I not then deserve their support as I ascend to the heights of Imperial power?" He turned to the table, and gave one more pull to the batt'leh. It came out clean in his hand. "And you would have me give up my ambition for my love? Is THAT what you would have me do?" "Well? What would a true Klingon warrior do?" asked Saotome. The furrows in Kuno's brow became deeper. He began to think out loud, as the crowd began to murmur. "For a Klingon, the family is paramount. Although the duties of public service are attractive, the responsibilities of begetting children and raising a family of warriors are of even more import. But one cannot have a family without a mate--Very well." He stood ramrod straight and banged the batt'leh in his hand in a salute. "I accept your terms. Should you win, I shall give up my ambition. But should I win, you will free the Lady Akane." "You got a deal, Kuno!" Saotome replied. "Wanna shake on it?" "Shake? I'D RATHER SLICE YOUR HAND OFF!" Kuno roared, beginning another attack amid the roar of the crowd. Meanwhile, in the crowd, Akane's struggling became even more frantic. "I--am--NOT--like--a--commodity--to be--bet with--like-- a--poker--chip!" she said between clenched teeth. "Hey, relax, Akane!" whispered Ensign Tenchi urgently. "Commander Saotome's gonna win this fight!" "Hey, let me--HEY!" Akane bellowed, as Lt. Ataru shoved his hand towards her chest. "What are you DOING, you pervert?!" Ataru quickly snatched his hand away; Akane saw she was now wearing a commbadge. Ataru tapped his own. "Ataru to Yatsura--beam aboard Akane, Tenchi and Gosunkugi NOW!" The Yatsura's three crewmen disappeared in a transporter flicker as Saotome began to leap and tumble backwards, towards the hall entrance. "We're gonna need more room for this fight, Governor--no point in getting innocent bystanders hurt." "Shut up and HOLD STILL so I can destroy you!" Kuno roared, continuing to swing his batt'leh. Its whistling increased as Kuno's swings become more and more frequent. The crowd began to melt away from the entrance as the two combatants approached it. Three leaps away from Kuno and Saotome was now poised at the hall entrance. Kuno swung again, Saotome leaped away, and a hall pillar was sliced in two. Kuno charged, then sprang, swinging in mid-air, as Saotome made another high leap away. But Kuno's leap was faster than Saotome had anticipated. The tip of the batt'leh caught Saotome's front, leaving a diagonal rip in his uniform and a superficial but painful cut in his side. Then Kuno's body, arcing from his leap, struck Saotome-- --and the two of them crashed into the water fountain in front of the Great Hall. Kuno's tumble stopped when he struck his head on the statue in the fountain, and collapsed into the water. A wet, dazed and now female-formed Commander Saotome popped up, spat out some of the fountain water, and crawled out onto the hall entrance steps. He nearly doubled over from the pain of the wound Kuno inflicted, but slowly straightened and glanced back at Kuno's unmoving form, still in the fountain. He went to Kuno's dazed form, reached into the fountain, grabbed the Klingon's collar and pulled him so his head came out of the water. "Hey! you okay?" he called, gently shaking him. Meanwhile, several Klingon guards were restraining the spectators, preventing them from exiting the Hall. "But we want to see!" protested Lt. Ataru, in the forefront of the curious crowd. "You can see fine from here, boy," growled a guard. "But we're not letting ANYONE interfere in Governor Kuno's fight!" By now, Kuno was groggily opening his eyes. He coughed out some of the fountain water. "I ... I am saved," he managed to croak, "by ..." He looked at Ranma's face. " ... a pigtailed goddess?" "Uh-oh," Saotome muttered to himself. Lt. Ataru, jumping up and down to see over the Klingon guards' shoulders, saw Kuno climb out of the fountain, clutching the female Saotome's arms for support. "Fair one," Ataru could hear Kuno saying, "I must thank you for saving me from a death without honor." "Ah--" "You have acted well within the virtues of a Klingon warrior, and yet--but you are wounded!" His eyes widened at the cut in Saotome's side, trickling blood. "Um--that's---" "Who did this to you? Nay, do not tell me--for I can already see this is the handiwork of that woman-enslaver Saotome! Have you seen him?" "Er--" "But of course not! He is too cowardly to face the consequences of his actions! He has run from me--in the middle of our battle! Feh--he is no MAN! HE IS NO MAN!!" Saotome's response was a boot into Kuno's face. The Klingon fell backwards into the fountain. "WATCH WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, YOU JERK!" Saotome snapped, his hackles rising at Kuno's remarks. "Wha--pig-tailed goddess? You would challenge me? You would initiate the ancient Klingon mating rituals?" Too late, Saotome remembered about the violence of the early Klingon mating rituals--the ones that had be refined into less violent ceremonies in the modern era, but which Kuno was trying to revive. "Okay, pal," he said, assuming his battle stance, "listen up. I'm not interested in being your mate--and if I have to beat that into your head, then so be it!" >From the Hall, Ataru saw Saotome's stance, then turned his head to spot Ensign Lum behind him. "LUM! Find some hot water and get out there fast! The CO's gonna need it!" "Right!" Lum said. The rest of the crowd gasped as she levitated into the air, over their heads, and sailed back into the Great Hall. A minute later she emerged from the back, holding a bucket of water. She sailed over the guard's heads, through the large hall doors. The guards, still restraining the other spectators, could only look on and howl in consternation as Lum sailed onto the battlescene ... .. where Saotome was dodging another of Kuno's attacks. Both combatants were starting to feel exhausted, and Saotome's wound was affecting him more than he would have admitted. Saotome landed on his feet, puffing and woozy. Kuno raised his batt'leh, but his arms then dropped, the energy draining from them. He let the batt'leh fall to the ground as he dropped to his knees-- just as Saotome fell forward, nearly passing out. He found himself in Kuno's arms. "Pigtailed girl," Kuno was murmuring, "it is too soon for the mating--but rest your wounded body in my arms for a short while, and we shall battle more anon." The Klingon's hand grabbed the back of Saotome's head, pressing it down onto his shoulder. At the same time, the Klingon's mouth began to breathe into Saotome's ear. Disgust and panic quickly brought out an adrenaline rush in Saotome. He tried to straighten out of Kuno's grip, but Kuno, despite his weariness, still had Klingon strength. Desperately, Saotome looked round--and spotted Lum, out of the corner of his eye. She was zapping the bottom of a bucket that was beginning to steam. She held her hand to the steam, nodded, and then threw the contents onto Saotome and Kuno. The scalding pain of the hot water caused Kuno to loosen his grip. It also helped wake up the now-male Saotome. He jumped back into his battle stance, but doubled over again as the hot water seeped into his wound. Kuno was turning his head. "Where--where is the pig-tailed girl?" "Where YOU'LL never find her, Governor," called out Saotome. Kuno's face became grim. "So, Saotome, you have spirited her away," he growled. "So jealous of your slaves, then? No matter. I, Kuno, shall bring you to JUSTICE!" He picked up his batt'leh and got to his feet. He sprang forward, bringing the weapon down in an overhand swing. Saotome, still weakened and wearied, jumped back and to one side as the batt'leh blade gouged out a chunk from the concrete steps. Kuno repeated the move, and Saotome retreated. Relentlessly, Kuno continued forward, the batt'leh creating a trail of rubble as he continued to move Saotome backwards. "What are you doing?" Saotome asked. "No more of this out-in-the-open combat," Kuno gritted, as he continued his attack. "Justice must be seen to be done." And Saotome realized Kuno was moving the combat back into the Great Hall. Apparently Kuno thought he'd do better with an audience. The entrance was quickly cleared as the two combatants made their way back to the centre of the Hall. By now they were both visibly panting, but Kuno's blows were still strong enough to loosen the tiles on the Hall floor. "Anytime you're ready, Kuno!" Saotome called out, still moving backward--and then his heel slipped on a loosened tile. Saotome tumbled backward as Kuno let out a triumphant Klingon battle-cry and charged. The batt'leh began to spin into a whirl, the force of the air around it turning positively deadly as it was whipped into a frenzy around the fallen Saotome. As more floor tiles shattered with the force of Kuno's blade-whirls, he charged forward-- And everyone in the Great Hall saw Saotome roll into a handstand while his feet bicycled into a blur. They saw Kuno crash into Saotome's blurring legs and bounce into the air, his batt'leh flying out of his hands. And most important of all, they saw the Klingon governor land, face-down and unconscious, in the middle of the battle area. Saotome was a little wobbly when he got up--the batt'leh had scratched his leg pretty badly--but he was able to acknowledge the roar of the crowd with a smile as he raised his hand in victory. Chapter 7 -- Conclusion ================================================================= In the Great Hall of Furinken Colony, pandemonium was reigning as the Klingons in the crowd were arguing over Commander Saotome's defeat of Governor Kuno. "He must have cheated!" roared one. "No human could ever defeat a Klingon in fair combat, let alone a d'Harr master!" "We all saw it with our own eyes," retorted another. "The Starfleet officer did it!" "But that would mean we would have to leave! I just bought property here!" "Big deal! Living on this planet has made you soft!" "But Kuno's bet was to give up his House! That doesn't mean we have to leave!" "Fool! If we do not command here then we are NOTHING!" "We have our ships, we have our weapons, we have ourselves--that is NOT nothing!" "It is if we cannot use them!" "Why cannot we use them? We are under no obligation to that--" "Ranma darling! Are you all right?" This last was from an approaching Klingon female. Inwardly, Saotome groaned; it was Kodachi. "When I woke up, and found you gone, I was soooo worried," Kodachi said. "And then, when I saw you fighting my brother--I mean, no one in his right mind goes up unarmed against a d'Harr master-- UMMPH!" Lt. Ataru had glomped onto Kodachi's torso. "Why, hello again, my beautiful Klingon princess! What say we go somewhere quiet and re- kindle that spark of romance--" Kodachi, unamused, booted Ataru into the air. Saotome caught him in his arms--and nearly collapsed from the pain of the wound in his side. Nonetheless, he was able to get a hand over Ataru's mouth and his other arm in a restraint around his waist. "Man! I can't believe you sometimes!" Saotome muttered. "MMMPHRMMMG!" Ataru said, his arms outstretched towards Kodachi, who was looking around at the squabbling Klingons surrounding her. Suddenly she whipped out a ribbon and snapped it with a loud CRACK, silencing the crowd and drawing everyone's attention towards her. Ataru's eyes widened in shock at the noise, and Saotome was able to let go of him. "I now speak for my brother!" Kodachi shouted. "You, and you, take him to his quarters! I now declare that Commander Saotome has indeed defeated Kuno, and this victory WILL be respected! Should any Klingon warrior retaliate against him, he shall suffer dishonor!" Apparently, in Kuno's retinue, the threat of dishonor was enough to keep even the most violent Klingon in line. "But as a result of this victory, the House of the Rose exists-- exists--" her voice lowered, "no longer." She dramatically crashed to her knees and sobbed loudly as two Klingons hauled Kuno's unconscious body away. "I didn't think Klingons could be so dramatic," Ataru whispered. "Shut up," Saotome whispered back. Kodachi got up, then gave Saotome a serious look through teary eyes. "Ranma, my love, though my heart aches to be united with you forever, my brother's loss puts us in disgrace, in his eyes. I don't believe he will see you as anything other than a reminder of his dishonor, and I would not dishonor you by allowing your marriage into a family of shame such as ours." "Huh?" Saotome blinked. "I think she said she's not going to marry you now," Ataru whispered. "All personal feelings aside, though, your victory HAS put my people in a quandary, " Kodachi continued. "Our plans were to set up our House here; now all that is undone. We cannot return yet to Imperial space, for that would be a loss of face my brother would NEVER tolerate. We cannot wander in Federation territory, not with our political relationships under such strain. And we cannot stay here, because--well, what can we do, if we cannot rule this world?" "Oh," said a voice behind her, "I'm sure we can come up with something." Kodachi whirled. "Mr. Dumetik!" The Cardassian smiled. "As the former governor of this Colony, I think I can speak for us all when I say we can find something for you." Kodachi blushed. "You don't resent us?" "Well--a little," Dumetik admitted, "but you haven't done anything too far out of line, so you're still in the black as far as your relations with us goes. So don't feel that we're going to throw you off the planet. If you don't mind a few weeks of negotiations, I'm sure we can come up with something." He turned to Saotome. "I'd invite you to listen in on our discussions, but I don't want to tie you up here with our problems for too long." Saotome understood--Dumetik was confident enough that he could negotiate without Starfleet's help. "Well, if you keep your negotiations open--put it over the public nets, let the Cardassian and the Federation diplomatic channels know what you're doing-- there won't be a need for us here." Dumetik held out a hand. "I thank you, Commander. Your methods are certainly unorthodox, but they've given us our colony back." Saotome shook it. "You're welcome--Governor." "Ranma darling," Kodachi said, "are you leaving now?" "That's a point," said Dumetik. "I'm sure we can extend our hospitality to your ship for at least a couple of days. They probably could do with some shore leave." Saotome nodded. "Hey, yeah, that'd be great." He winced as the wound in his side began to ache. "Um, look, I gotta go see a doctor about this--" "Of course you do, Ranma darling," said Kodachi, "but before you go--" She strode boldly up to him. "Will you kiss me goodnight?" She closed her eyes and puckered her lips. The thought of kissing a Klingon didn't exactly thrill Saotome. He tried to remember if there was a diplomatic protocol for kissing, but his thought was interrupted by the sight of Ataru jumping up and kissing Kodachi full on the lips. ***** In the Yatsura's sickbay, Dr. Tofu finished wrapping the bandage around Ataru's head. "Amazing. I wouldn't have thought a ribbon- whip could have done so much damage." "Yeah, pretty impressive," agreed Commander Saotome. "Ataru, what the heck made you want to kiss a Klingon anyway?" "Mut ree wath tho thretty," Ataru mumbled through the bandage. "Now don't talk," Dr. Tofu cautioned him. "The nerve regeneration on your jaw is going to take over an hour, and you'll be feeling it for three more. How's the CO doing, Nurse?" "Just a few more seconds to close this wound," replied Nurse Sakura, sealing the cut in Saotome's side. The sickbay doors opened, and Akane Tendo stepped in. "Doctor? Is it okay for me to talk to Ranma for a bit?" "Yes," Dr. Tofu replied cheerfully, "but no hitting. Nurse, when you're done there, give me a hand resetting Ataru's arm." "I'm done now. Okay Morobishi, try not to scream too much." Akane and Saotome were left staring at each other while the two medical personnel concentrated on Ataru. Finally, Saotome said, "Akane?" "Yes, Ranma?" "About that fight with Kuno's friends--the one I interfered with-- I'm sorry." "No, that's okay, I'm not mad about that. It's just--afterwards, when you were fighting Kuno--when you said you'd give me to him if he won--" "Oh. That. You know I was bluffing there, Akane." "But it was so--" She was silent, trying to think what she should say next. "I wouldn't have, you know." "Huh?" "Given you to him, I mean. Even if I lost." "THAT's what I'm upset about!" "Huh?" "That word. `Given'. I'm a person, Ranma. You can't `give' me to anyone--" "You actually admit that?" Saotome tried to grin. "Stop joking! You can't just say you'll `give' me to someone like I was a birthday present or something." "Hey, it's no big deal, Akane. I mean, I won already, okay, so forget about it!" "No, I won't forget about it! How can you be so insensitive, treating me like a--a `thing' and not your fi--" She stopped and blushed. Saotome took a deep breath. "Akane, I was talking to Kuno when I said that. He ain't the most sensitive guy in the universe, so I was trying to get through to him in language he could understand, you know? It's not like I was telling him my real feelings about you or anything!" "Oh? And what--" She suddenly blushed. Saotome felt his face reddening, and wondered what to say next. They both knew the unasked question: what WERE his real feelings about her? He was too proud to answer the question. She was too proud to ask it. Fortunately, they were interrupted when the sickbay door opened and Lt. Mendou appeared. "Commander? Assistant engineer's respects, and you're wanted in Main Engineering." He bounced off the sickbay bed. "Right--excuse me, Akane." And he took off at a dead run. "You jerk," muttered Akane. ***** Captain's log, stardate 49254.7. Governor Dumetik re- ports that negotiations allowing the Klingons to esta- blish a subcolony in the Furinken system are proceeding well. As soon as the crew finished beaming up from their leave, we will be going to departure stations. "Sir! Message from Kuno!" reported Lt. Mendou. A frowning Kuno appeared on the screen. There was a dark spot on his face--a bruise from the fight. "Commander Saotome. Your ship will have safe conduct when you leave orbit. Have a safe trip home." "Hey, great! Thanks, Kuno." "Hold. On a more personal note, Commander: you have shamed me." "Huh?" Saotome blinked. "Our battle was--should have been--one to the death. That I must now live to oversee the dismantling of my House--the end of my ambitions--" He placed his head in his hands. "I do not know how I can bear to live with it." He looked at the screen again. "But this I do vow, Saotome. One day, we shall meet again--and on that day, the fair Lade Akane and that pig-tailed goddess will be--" "Master Kuno. It is time for your therapy," said Major Sasuke, who had appeared behind him. "Very well. Farewell, Saotome--until we meet again." The screen went blank. "I think that guy might be one step away from the loony bin," Sao- tome muttered. He turned to Lt. Ataru. "Everyone on board yet?" "Yeah, everyone's checked in, except for Lt. Ryoga and Ensign Lum." Saotome frowned. "Ryoga's been down there now for three days. He hasn't reported in yet?" "I think he's still in his--um--other form. We've been able to track him to some woods outside the capital city--at least that's where he was the last time Ryunosuke ran the tracking program--" "Ensign Lum to Yatsura," said the bridge intercom. "Darling, I found him! You can beam us up now!" ***** "It was horrible," said Ryoga, shuddering. He and Ataru were sitting in Akane's lounge, along with Saotome, Lt. Nuku and Ensign Ryunosuke. "I was so busy dodging the crowd during the fight," he continued, "that I didn't notice it when my commbadge dropped off my bandan- na." He glared at Saotome. "I thought you said you could keep track of me!" "I thought so, too," said Saotome, "because everyone in the city would have noticed you. But I didn't think you'd run off into the woods where nobody lived and nobody would have noticed you." "Three days in the woods," Ryoga continued, sipping from a cup of tea. "There was this Klingon targ--you know they actually had a herd of those in that forest? Anyway, it kept following me. I couldn't lose it no matter how I tried." "It was trying to eat you?" Lt. Nuku asked. "No, and that's the weird thing. It kept trying to get in front of me, and when it did, it rolled on its back and started waving its legs around. I didn't know what kinda trick it's supposed to be, so I turned away, but it kept following me and doing that--some- thing funny, Ensign?" "Sorry, sir," said Ryunosuke, trying very hard not to laugh. "It's just--well, we had that in xenobiology class at the Academy. The targ was inviting you to mate with her." "WHAT?!" Ryoga nearly spilled his tea. "I don't see what you're excited about," said Lt. Nuku. "You're REALLY cute when you're a--" Saotome shushed her as Akane approached with a tray. "Here's the rest of your tea, guys. Fresh out of the replicator, so don't you complain, okay Ranma?" Saotome raised his teacup. "Guys, I'd like to propose--well, not a toast, but a proposal." "Oh?" said Ataru. "Let's stay away from missions involving Klingon mating rituals." He looked at the sling on Ataru's arm. "I think they're too hazardous to our health." Everyone at the table laughed and raised their cups in agreement, as the U.S.S. Yatsura broke out of orbit and warped towards home. -- Copyright (C) 1995 Victor W. Wong. All rights reserved.