Author's Note: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This story can be blamed on Stefan Gagne, who showed me a story that was a parody of an INFOCOM adventure game. Given that I loved those games, it inspired me to create a Ranma 1/2 Infocom adventure transcript, which you'll find below. So without further adeu... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "SHAMPOO'S QUEST" A BAILESUCOM Game by JOHN WALTER BILES Asleep You float in the misty void of sleep. >WAKE UP You open your eyes. You are lying in a nice bed with purple covers. There is a duck sleeping on your head. >SLAP DUCK The duck squawks and flaps off to one corner of the room. It gives you a wounded look. >IGNORE DUCK You ignore the duck. >GET BREAKFAST You are still in bed. >LEAVE BED You get out of bed. Your bedroom is fairly spartan, with a bed, a window, a weapons rack, a closet, and a duck. >IGNORE DUCK You continue to ignore the duck. >GET BREAKFAST There is no breakfast in this room. >LEAVE ROOM How do you want to leave the room? >THROUGH THE DOOR This sentence no verb. >LEAVE ROOM THROUGH THE DOOR Which door? >LEAVE ROOM THROUGH THAT DOOR Which door is that? >LEAVE ROOM THROUGH THE NEARBY DOOR You are near two doors. >GO HALLWAY You cheer the hallway on. >SMACK PARSER IN HEAD FOR BEING ANNOYING You smack the parser. OWW. This doesn't get you out of the room, though. >GO INTO HALLWAY Something is quacking at you, but you ignore it and walk into the hallway. The hallway is a fairly normal boring hallway, with doors to your room, the laundry room, Cologne's Room, and the kitchen. >WHO AM I? Your name is Shampoo. Your favorite color is Purple. Your quest is to get Ranma to marry you. >HEALTH You feel a bit fuzzy-headed, but are otherwise in tip-top condition. Oh, you are also hungry. >CHECK HEAD You have a head. >SHAKE HEAD It rattles. >WHY DOES HEAD RATTLE? You have no brain. >GET BRAIN No one has left a brain lying around the hallway. >GET BREAKFAST Perhaps you should go to the kitchen. >GO TO THE KITCHEN You walk into the kitchen. It is well equipped, with three cabinets, a nice cooking space countertop, two ovens, a microwave, two refrigerators, an ice cream maker, a vegematic, and a complete set of ginsu knives. >MAKE BREAKFAST You fix yourself some nice pork ramen for breakfast along with an apple. You are no longer hungry. >GET BRAIN Not being cannibals, you do not keep brains in the kitchen. >MARRY RANMA If it was that easy, the series wouldn't have lasted 37 volumes, now would it? >WHERE IS RANMA? You do not see Ranma. A Duck enters the room. >IGNORE DUCK You ignore the duck. Something you are ignoring is quacking. >GO RESTAURANT You cheer on the Restaurant. >GO INTO RESTAURANT You enter the Nekohanten's main dining room. The walls are lined with screens depicting traditional chinese landscape art. There are many round tables surrounded by chairs, and a curtain separates the dining chamber from the antechamber to the outside. Another door, next to the cash register leads into the kitchen. There are several windows. Cologne is sitting by the cash register, preparing for the day's work. Cologne stares at you. There is a splashing noise inside the kitchen. >STARE AT COLOGNE Cologne is a withered old troll with long white hair who hops around on a stick and manipulates people. Cologne whaps parser. Oww. Cologne is still staring at you. >COLOGNE, WHY STARE AT ME? "Because you're stark naked, Great-Granddaughter. Go get dressed." Mousse comes out of the kitchen. Mousse stares at you. >SLAP MOUSSE You slap Mousse. "Why are you hitting me, Ranma?" he asks. >MOUSSE, I AM NOT RANMA. Mousse puts on his glasses. "Oh, SHAMPOO!" He runs forward and hugs you. >TAKE COLOGNE Cologne blinks as you pick her up. >HIT MOUSSE WITH COLOGNE. Mousse passes out. >DROP COLOGNE Cologne hits you for using her as a weapon. "That was rude!" >APOLOGIZE You say, "Shampoo sorry. Didn't have weapon to beat Mousse, so used you." "That's fine. Go get dressed." >GO GET DRESSED. You cheer on Get Dressed. He thanks you. >GO TO BEDROOM You walk through the kitchen and hallway to your bedroom. >ENTER CLOSET You are inside your closet. You have many outfits here. >GET CLOTHING You grab a nice purple flowered wrap-around and some comfortable pants. >PUT ON CLOTHING You are now dressed. >GET BRAIN You don't keep brains in your closet. >LEAVE CLOSET You are in your bedroom. >ENTER HALLWAY You go to the hallway. >ENTER COLOGNE'S ROOM You enter your great-grandmother's bedroom. She has a table, and two chairs, a TV (on the Table), a bookcase full of books, a closet, a bed, a weapon rack, a window, and a life-sized poster of FABIO. >LOOK FABIO What a hunk. >TURN ON TV The TV is showing the 'Wizard of Oz'. >WATCH TV The movie is showing the scene where the Wizard of Oz gives the Scarecrow some brains. >TAKE BRAIN It's only a TV Show. >ASK WIZARD FOR BRAIN. It's still only a TV show. >BEG WIZARD FOR BRAIN Geez, your head really is empty. >BEAT PARSER WITH A STICK You don't have a stick. >DAMN Who do you want to damn? >DAMN PARSER You try to condemn the Parser to hell. However, you do not have the keys to heaven and hell. >TAKE KEYS St. Peter refuses to give you the keys. >KILL ST. PETER You try to kill St. Peter with your bare hands. He pours a bucket of water on you and you turn into a cat. Then he goes back to the gates of Heaven. >FIND HOT WATER There is hot water in the kitchen. >GO KITCHEN You cheer on the kitchen. >GO TO KITCHEN You enter the kitchen. Mousse is here. Mousse pours hot water on you. You transform back to a human. Mousse glomps you. >POUR WATER ON MOUSSE You'll get wet too. >MALLET MOUSSE You are not Akane. >HIT MOUSSE WITH FIST Mousse passes out. >GO TO COLOGNE'S ROOM You go to Cologne's room. >LOOK BOOKCASE It is full of books. A few titles catch your eyes, 'The little big book of Amazon Magic', 'The Wizard of Oz', 'How to win your man through magic and trickery', 'PATLABOR MANGA, Volume 1'. >READ THE WIZARD OF OZ This is a story about Dorothy, a girl from Kansas who is carried to the land of OZ by a tornado. While there, she meets a scarecrow who wants a brain, a tin man who wants a heart, and a lion who wants courage. Together, they defeat an evil witch and the Wizard of Oz helps them each get what they want, even though he is a fraud. Dorothy then uses the ruby slippers to return home by clicking her heels three times and wishing she was home. >FIND TORNADO Cologne does not keep Tornadoes in her room. >READ THE LITTLE BIG BOOK OF AMAZON MAGIC This book is too long to read all of it at one sitting. You find a spell for making tornadoes. You need a black cauldron, a quart of okonomiyaki sauce, a gallon of Coca-Cola, a cat's whisker, and a big spoon. Mix ingredients, then say 'Sim Sim Salabim'. >TAKE BOOK Which Book? >TAKE THE LITTLE BIG BOOK OF AMAZON MAGIC You take the book. >GO INTO KITCHEN You go to the kitchen. >FIND CAULDRON You have no black cauldrons. >FIND OKONOMIYAKI SAUCE Ukyou probably has the nearest supply. >FIND BIG SPOON You find and take a big spoon from the silverware drawer. >TAKE CAT'S WHISKER There is no cat here. >THROW WATER ON MOUSSE. Mousse turns into an unconscious duck. >TAKE CAT'S WHISKER Since when did ducks have cat whiskers? >THROW WATER ON ME You turn into a cat. >TAKE CAT'S WHISKER OWW! You pluck a whisker. >INVENTORY You are carrying: Cat's Whisker There is clothing on the floor. There is a big spoon on the floor. >GET HOT WATER You splash yourself back to normal. >TAKE ALL Clothing: Taken. Big Spoon: Taken. Duck: Taken. Glasses: Taken. >DROP DUCK You drop the duck. He wakes up and quacks. >IGNORE DUCK You ignore the duck. >GO OUTSIDE You leave the Nekohanten, ignoring Cologne who tries to tell you something. Masaki Street You are outside on a north-south street. The Nekohanten is nearby to the west. People are staring at you. >LOOK ME You are butt naked. >WEAR CLOTHING You get dressed and people stop staring. >GO TO UCCHANS You walk north to UCCHANS. Ucchans You are inside Ukyou's okonomiyaki shop, which is set up in the traditional style with long tables with firepits in the middle to keep toppings warm. There is a long griddle against one wall and a curtain separating the back room from the dining room. Ukyou is here. Ranma is here. >LOOK RANMA Your hunky, if somewhat clueless husband is eating a pork okonomiyaki. He is of medium height, with black hair gathered back in a pig-tail. He is wearing a red-satin jacket and black pants. >LOOK UKYOU Your bitter rival is wearing her usual okonomiyaki seller's flowered wrap around and black tights. She is carrying a giant spatula. She is shmoozing up to Ranma as usual. She fires daggers at you from her eyes. >DODGE DAGGERS You are not hit. >GLOMP HUSBAND You glomp onto Ranma, who stammers incoherently. Ukyou hits you with her spatula. >ASK UKYOU FOR OKONOMIYAKI SAUCE "YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK ME FOR SOMETHING WHILE YOU ARE GLOMPING MY FIANCEE?" Ukyou hits you again with her spatula. >HEALTH You are starting to get a head-ache. >LET GO OF RANMA He goes back to eating his okonomiyaki. >ASK UKYOU FOR OKONOMIYAKI SAUCE "Not until I get an apology!" >APOLOGIZE TO UKYOU Ukyou stares at you as if you were possessed, then gives you a quart container of Okonomiyaki sauce. >RANMA, WHERE IS BLACK CAULDRON? "Since when did I have a black cauldron?" >UKYOU, WHERE IS BLACK CAULDRON? "Wasn't there one in that book we read in school?" Ranma replies, "Yeah, it was called the Black Cauldron, I think. But it gets destroyed. Maybe you should go to CAFAM, Shampoo." >THANK RANMA "Glad to help." Ranma continues eating his okonomiyaki. >THANK UKYOU Ukyou stares at you as if you were possessed. "Are you feeling okay?" >HEALTH You have a headache. >UKYOU, I HAVE A HEADACHE "Here, have some aspirin." Ukyou gives you some aspirin. >EAT ASPIRIN You need some water. >ASK UKYOU FOR WATER Ukyou gives you some water. >EAT ASPIRIN You take two aspirin. >GO TO CAFAM You take a bus across town to CAFAM. CAFAM You stand before the eighty checkout stations at the front of Cafam. Like all checkoutstations everywhere, there are magazines, many of them with the word "sex" somewhere on the cover, in racks intended to cause impulse buying. On the other hand, most stores don't have magazines in sixty different languages, some of them unpronounceable by humans. There are also snacks for sale, ranging from Snickers bars to Lembas to brightly glowing spheres of light. The clerks appear to be the usual mix of bored teenagers, college students, senior citizens, middle aged people, and horrors from beyond space and time down on their evil luck. They accept cash, credit, gold, human flesh, checks (with two forms of non-sanity loss causing ID), traveller's checks, fropazes, gems, houses, lead, and churches as payment. A friendly CAFAM security man in full power-armor stands near the door, for your protection of course. The exit doors, tantalyzingly near to you are huge glass doors that slide open as you approach. Magic? Technology? Evil Spirits? You decide. The rest of the store spreads out from here. The roof rises quickly to thirty feet in height. Is that a dragon you see flying somewhere out there? The walls stretch out into the mist...distance? You can see this store is truly vast. Big. Huge. DANG HUGE. Oh yeah, it's kinda large, ya know. Hundreds of aisles run off into the distance. Nearby, stands a small shack, home to your one hope for survival--The Cafam Guides. Juan Valdez and his mule leads this brigade, dedicated to helping YOU find where you're going, getting there, and getting back, possibly even alive. He provides free coffee too. >BUY BLACK CAULDRON You have to find it first. >FIND BLACK CAULDRON You find the store 'Area Map'. Black Cauldrons are on Aisle 3003. >GO TO AISLE 3003. You begin walking towards Aisle 3003. Three hours later, you are not there yet and you are getting hungry. >LOOK AISLE 1001--FROZEN FOODS You are in Aisle 1001. It is very cold here. You see frozen fishsticks, a 'Marie Callender Chicken Fried Steak Dinner', and frozen Mermaid Flesh. >TAKE ALL Frozen Fishsticks: Taken. Marie Callender Chicken Fried Steak Dinner: Taken Frozen Mermaid Flesh: Taken. >EAT FISHSTICKS They're frozen. >COOK FISHSTICKS With what? The fire from your eyes? >FIND OVEN You trudge to Aisle 1100. You are hungrier. There are microwave ovens here. >COOK FISHSTICKS None of the ovens are plugged in. >PLUG IN OVEN You plug in an oven. >COOK FISHSTICKS You cook the fishsticks. >EAT FISHSTICKS They are yummy and good, but you burn your mouth. >GO TO AISLE 3003 You trudge onwards and reach Aisle 3003. Aisle 3003--Cauldrons There are hundreds of cauldrons here of every shape and size. >TAKE BLACK CAULDRON The small one or the big one? >THE SMALL ONE The small one what? >TAKE SMALL BLACK CAULDRON You take the small black cauldron. >INVENTORY You are carrying: Small Black Cauldron No Tea Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner Frozen Mermaid Flesh Some Aspirin Quart of Okonomiyaki Sauce Cat's Whisker Mousse's Glasses Big Spoon The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic Clothing No Brain Desire to marry Ranma >DRINK NO TEA Okay, you don't drink any tea. >TAKE BRAIN This is the Cauldron Aisle. >GO TO BRAIN AISLE You don't know where it is. >FIND BRAIN AISLE With what? >USE THE LITTLE BIG BOOK OF AMAZON MAGIC It doesn't know where the brains are kept here either. >ASK CLERK What clerk? >FIND CLERK You wander the aisles and eventually find a clerk. >CLERK, WHERE IS BRAINS? "Normally, you find brains inside your head." He smiles at you. He is black haired and somewhat cute, wearing a CAFAM uniform. >CLERK, WHAT AISLE FOR BRAINS? "Oh, you want to buy a brain?" >CLERK, YES. "I'm sorry, we don't sell brains except to licensed physicians." >GET LICENSE "You have to go to the state board of medical examiners for that, and they're closed until next month due to an outbreak of bubonic plague. Would you like to buy a pocket fisherman instead?" >TAKE POCKET FISHERMAN The clerk gives you the pocket fisherman. >LEAVE STORE You can't leave without paying for your purchases. >PAY FOR PURCHASES The checkout clerk says, "You don't have any money? How do you plan to pay for your purchases?" >LOOK CHECKOUT CLERK He is a young man with spiky black hair who keeps staring nervously at your breasts. His name tag reads, "Momonari Junta". >OPEN SHIRT The young man turns green and vomits behind the counter. >CLOSE SHIRT AND LEAVE STORE You cover your breasts and leave while he is distracted. OUTSIDE CAFAM You are standing on Calle 100, outside CAFAM. >GO HOME You are currently in Bogota, Colombia. How do you plan to get back to Japan? >MAKE TORNADO You need Coca-Cola for that. >FIND COCA-COLA There is a Coca-Cola truck passing you on the street. >TAKE COCA-COLA The Coca-Cola is inside the truck. >FOLLOW TRUCK The Truck stops at a small corner store after about a five block drive. >WAIT The Truck driver opens the back and carries two crates into the store. >TAKE COCA-COLA You take a crate of Coca-Cola. Ryouga arrives. "Can you tell me how to get to the Tendo Dojo? Oh, hi, Shampoo." >POUR WATER ON RYOUGA What water? >POUR COCA-COLA ON RYOUGA Ryouga turns into a sticky, sugary pig. >TAKE RYOUGA What Ryouga? >TAKE P-CHAN You take P-chan. >MAKE TORNADO You pour all the ingredients into the pot and stir, then chant, "Sim Sim Salabim!" A huge tornado erupts from the cauldron and blows you high into the sky. You tumble through the clouds, then land head first onto a witch. The witch dies as your thick skull collides with hers. The Yellow Brick Road You are lying on the green grass next to a yellow brick road which runs east and west. There is a dead witch here. There is a knocked out P-chan here. >LOOK DEAD WITCH She is wearing Ruby Slippers and a Pointy Hat. She has a big warty nose too. >TAKE WITCH'S HAT AND SLIPPERS You take the Ruby Slippers and the Pointy Hat. >WEAR HAT AND SLIPPERS. You put them on, discarding your old slippers. >TAKE P-CHAN. Taken. >TAKE WITCH'S BRAIN That's really disgusting. Besides, you crushed it. >EAT WITCH'S BRAIN Raw? Ewwwww. Are you sure you want to do that? >COOK WITCH'S BRAIN Look, give up on the brain, okay? >INVENTORY You are carrying: Ruby Slippers Pointed Hat P-chan Half-Empty Case of Coca-Cola Pocket Fisherman No Tea Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner Frozen Mermaid Flesh Some Aspirin Mousse's Glasses Big Spoon The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic Clothing No Brain Desire to marry Ranma >GO EMERALD CITY Haven't we used this gag enough times? >EAST You walk east. P-chan wakes up. Outside the Emerald City You stand at the gate to the Emerald city. There is a small window with a funny looking man sitting inside the window. There is a rifle lying against the wall inside his booth. He says, "Hello. Why have you come to the Emerald City?" >MAN, I WANT A BRAIN "I'm sorry, I don't have an extra." >MAN, I WANT TO SEE THE WIZARD "Ahh. That I CAN help you with." The gate opens. >GO TO THE PALACE You enter the emerald city, a vast crystal wonderland, though rather excessively green for obvious reasons. You soon reach the palace and are ushered into the throne room of the Wizard of Oz. Throne Room You are in the vast palatial throne room of the Wizard of Oz, who appears to be a huge glowing head with a booming voice. "WHO DARES INTRUDE UPON MY SANCTUM!" >WIZARD, I AM SHAMPOO "And I am OZ, the GREAT AND TERRIBLE!" >WIZARD, PLEASE GIVE ME A BRAIN "Could I interest you in a pocket fisherman instead?" >INVENTORY You are carrying: Ruby Slippers Pointed Hat P-chan Half-Empty Case of Coca-Cola Pocket fisherman No Tea Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner Frozen Mermaid Flesh Some Aspirin Mousse's Glasses Big Spoon The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic Clothing No Brain Desire to marry Ranma >SHOW WIZARD MY POCKET FISHERMAN "Oh. Right. Well, if you will get rid of the Wicked Witch of the East, I'll give you a brain." >WIZARD, WHERE IS WICKED WITCH? "In the East, like I told you." >EAST You walk into the wall. >GO TO EAST You walk into the wall. >LEAVE EMERALD CITY You walk out of the emerald city. Circling it, you can see yellow brick roads leading north, south, east, and west. >SAVE GAME You save the game. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. You are getting sleepy. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. You are getting very sleepy. >DROP P-CHAN P-chan immediately falls asleep. You can barely stay awake. >DRINK COCA-COLA You guzzle down some coke. Now if you can just hold out until the caffeine hits you. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. You can barely manage to move at all. >DRINK MORE COCA-COLA You guzzle down some more coke. You pass out. >WAKE UP You are asleep from the magic poppies. >WAKE UP, DAMMIT! There is no one here named Dammit. >CRY You cry in your sleep. You are eaten by a grue. Game over >RESTORE You stand outside the Emerald City. Yellow Brick roads lead in all four directions. >DRINK COCA-COLA You guzzle down some coke. >P-CHAN, DRINK COCA-COLA P-chan guzzles down some coke. >WAIT Time passes. >WAIT Time passes. >WAIT You start to feel a caffeine rush. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. >EAST You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west. >EAST You are walking through a yellow forest. The road runs east and west. There is a yellow kettle here. >SAVE Game saved. >TAKE YELLOW KETTLE Taken. >USE KETTLE ON P-CHAN You pour hot water on P-chan, who turns into Ryouga. "Where are we?" >RYOUGA, WE'RE IN OZ "Right. Can you take me to the Dojo?" >RYOUGA, FOLLOW SHAMPOO Ryouga follows you. >EAST You go east. You are standing outside a huge creepy looking evil castle. There are Winged Monkeys here. >KILL WINGED MONKEYS You attack the winged monkeys with your bare hands. They flock all over you and carry you off. >KILL WINGED MONKEYS WITH SPOON You crush the skull of three winged monkeys with your spoon. They die. You fall and splatter all over the ground. *** You have died *** Game over >RESTORE >TAKE YELLOW KETTLE Taken. >USE KETTLE ON P-CHAN You pour hot water on P-chan, who turns into Ryouga. "Where are we?" >RYOUGA, WE'RE IN OZ "Right. Can you take me to the Dojo?" >RYOUGA, FOLLOW SHAMPOO. Ryouga follows you. >EAST You go east. You are standing outside a huge creepy looking evil castle. There are Winged Monkeys here. >OFFER NO TEA TO WINGED MONKEYS They stare at you in confusion. >RYOUGA, KILL THE MONKEYS Ryouga uses the Shishi-Hokodan and blows up three of the monkeys. The rest swarm both of you and carry you off. >ENJOY THE RIDE Has Nissan been giving you kickbacks? You and Ryouga arrive at the Wicked Witch's chambers. Wicked Witch's Chambers This is a dark and gloomy throneroom of EVIL like millions of others, world-wide. Been there, done that. There is a Wicked Witch of the East here. There is a bucket of water here. There is a Complete Beatles Anthology here. >SAVE Game saved. >KILL WICKED WITCH WITH SPOON You bash the wicked witch in the head. She turns you into a newt. >BITE WITCH ON ANKLE You bite the wicked witch on the ankle. She steps on you. SPLAT. *** You have died *** Game over >RESTORE >TAKE BUCKET Taken The wicked witch cackles. "I'll kill you and your little pig, P-chan, too!" >WITCH, I HAVE NO P-CHAN The wicked witch looks confused. "Uh..well, er..." >RYOUGA, KILL THE WITCH "Why? What has she ever done to me?" >RYOUGA, SHE IS HOLDING AKANE CAPTIVE "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!" Ryouga Shishi Hokodans the witch. The witch turns Ryouga into a newt. >POUR WATER ON WITCH The Witch melts. "Noooo, I'm melting....." >TAKE COMPLETE BEATLES ANTHOLOGY >INVENTORY You are carrying: Complete Beatles Anthology Empty Bucket Yellow Kettle Ruby Slippers Pointed Hat Empty Case of Coca-Cola Pocket fisherman No Tea Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner Frozen Mermaid Flesh Some Aspirin Mousse's Glasses Big Spoon The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic Clothing No Brain Desire to marry Ranma >DROP EMPTY CASE Dropped. >TAKE NEWT Taken. >SEARCH ROOM You also find a Portable CD Player powered by Magic. >TAKE PORTABLE CD PLAYER Taken. >POUR HOT WATER ON NEWT It gets wet. >RETURN TO EMERALD CITY You go back to the Emerald City. >GO TO WIZARD You return to the Wizard's throne room. >SAVE Game Saved. Throne Room You are in the vast palatial throne room of the Wizard of Oz, who appears to be a huge glowing head with a booming voice. "WHO DARES INTRUDE UPON MY SANCTUM!" >WIZARD, I AM SHAMPOO "And I am OZ, the GREAT AND TERRIBLE!" >WIZARD, PLEASE GIVE ME A BRAIN "Could I interest you in a pocket fisherman instead?" >WIZARD, I KILLED THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST. "I won't believe it unless you play 'Strawberry Fields Forever' for me. She has the only copy in Oz." >PUT COMPLETE BEATLES ANTHOLOGY IN CD PLAYER Done. >PLAY STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER Nothing happens. >TURN ON CD PLAYER You turn it on. >PLAY STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER o/~Strawberry Fields forever...o/~ The wizard says, "Right." You hear the sound of hands clapping and you are grabbed by the Wizard's cybertechs. The last thing you see is the gas mask closing over your face. >AM I DEAD? You drift in a drugged haze as the wizard's cybertechs go to work on you. >WAIT You wake up. Wizard's Chop Shop You are in a clean green room full of surgical equipment and crystal cyberware. There is an exit nearby. Cyberdoc is here. >LOOK ME There is now a faint surgical scar circling your head. You feel like a genius. Also, your left eye has been replaced with a green crystal duplicate. The LED readout on it currently says, "Brain awaiting Activation" >ACTIVATE BRAIN Your mental command activates your brain, which is a crystal enchanted computer with a 20000 Gig hard drive, 2 Gigs of Ram, and a magical modem that operates at 3.5 * 10 ^6 Baud. Currently, it is loaded with OZ/2 Operating System. It awaits your command. >BRAIN, HOW DO I MARRY RANMA? 'Initiating Program. Will report when ready'. >GO HOME How do you want to go home? >CYBERDOC, CAN YOU HELP RYOUGA? "I don't see any Ryouga." >CYBERDOC, CAN YOU HELP NEWT? The cyberdoc installs a cybertail and retractible claws on the newt. >CYBERDOC, CAN YOU TURN NEWT INTO A HUMAN? "Cybertechnology has its limits, Miss Shampoo." >CLICK HEELS THREE TIMES Click. Click. Click. >SAY THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME Poof. You are back in your bedroom. >INVENTORY You are carrying: Cyber Eye Portable CD Player Newt Complete Beatles Anthology Yellow Kettle Ruby Slippers Pointed Hat Pocket fisherman No Tea Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner Frozen Mermaid Flesh Some Aspirin Mousse's Glasses Big Spoon The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic Clothing Crystal Cyber Brain Desire to marry Ranma >USE CYBER EYE You examine the room with your cyber eye. The LED readout identifies five potentially dangerous weapons in the weapons rack: A sword, a bow, two bonbori, and a chaingun with flamethrower attachment. >TAKE ALL WEAPONS You are carrying too much stuff. >GO TO KITCHEN You are in the kitchen. Mousse is still unconscious on the floor. >PUT FROZEN MERMAID FLESH IN REFRIGERATOR Done. >PUT MARIE CALLENDAR DINNER IN REFRIGERATOR Done. >PUT BIG SPOON IN DRAWER. Done. >PUT MOUSSE'S GLASSES ON MOUSSE Done. Mousse wakes up. "SHAMPOO!" He glomps you. >HAND NO TEA TO MOUSSE. "A gift from my darling Shampoo!" He goes into a rhapsody of joy. >CONSULT BRAIN Still processing Marriage request. >HAND POCKET FISHERMAN TO MOUSSE Mousse goes into a DOUBLE rhapsody of joy. >MOUSSE, GO CATCH ME SOME FISH Mousse runs off to catch you some fish. Mousse has left. >REFILL YELLOW KETTLE You fill it with water and heat it. >GET GLASS You take a glass from the cabinet. >GO TO MY BEDROOM You go to your bedroom. >SAVE Game saved. >DROP PORTABLE Dropped. >DROP COMPLETE Dropped. >DROP NEWT Dropped. >TAKE ALL WEAPONS Sword: Taken Bow: Taken Bonbori: Taken Chaingun with flamethrower attachment: Taken The newt gets lost. >INVENTORY You are carrying: Sword Bow Bonbori Chaingun with flamethrower attachment Glass Cyber Eye Yellow Kettle Ruby Slippers Pointed Hat Some Aspirin The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic Clothing Crystal Cyber Brain Desire to marry Ranma >GO TO RESTAURANT You go out to the restaurant. It is full of customers. Cologne is here. "I need you to waitress, Shampoo." Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Okay 2. Bite me. 3. I'm off to date with Ranma. 4. Mow down Cologne with chaingun Option #3 recommended. >COLOGNE, I'M OFF TO DATE WITH RANMA "Oh, in that case, have a nice time!" >GO TO DOJO You go to the Tendo Dojo. >SAVE Game saved. Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Crash through wall. 2. Crash through door. 3. Knock on door. 4. Mow down passersby with chaingun. Option #3 recommended. >KNOCK ON DOOR Kasumi answers the door. "Hi, Shampoo. Ranma is in the dojo, practicing with his father." >THANK KASUMI "You're welcome." >GO TO DOJO You enter the Tendo Dojo proper. It is a long hall with some kanji and the family shrine on the wall. Ranma is here. Genma is here. Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Make Love to Ranma. 2. Glomp Ranma. 3. Say Hello to Ranma. 4. Mow down Genma with chaingun. Option #4 recommended. >MOW DOWN GENMA WITH CHAINGUN A hail of bullets sends Genma running for the hills. Genma has left the dojo. Ranma says, "Thanks, Shampoo. He was really starting to annoy me." >CONSULT BRAIN Marriage program still running. >RANMA, HOW ARE YOU? "I'm feeling pretty good. Kinda hungry, though." >SAVE >OFFER TO TAKE RANMA ON DATE "Do I get fed?" >YES Yes what? >RANMA, YES. "Right. Let's go." Akane enters. "Ranma, what are you doing with Shampoo?" >MOW DOWN AKANE WITH CHAINGUN You smear Akane all over the wall. Ranma goes berserk. "YOU KILLED AKANE!" >RANMA, OBSTACLES ARE FOR KILLING. "Right." Ranma shouts, "ROARING LION BULLET" and blasts you with ki. Your chaingun explodes, killing you. *** You have died *** Game over >RESTORE >OFFER TO TAKE RANMA ON DATE "Do I get fed?" >YES Yes what? >RANMA, YES. "Right. Let's go." Akane enters. "Ranma, what are you doing with Shampoo?" >AKANE, SHAMPOO TAKE RANMA ON DATE "RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane mallets Ranma, knocking him out, then runs off crying. >TAKE RANMA Taken. >SAVE Game saved. >GO TO NEKOHANTEN On your way to the nekohanten, you encounter Kodachi in the street. "HOHOHOHO! What are you doing with Ranma-sama?" >KODACHI, SHAMPOO TAKE RANMA ON DATE "No, I will!" Kodachi charges you, hurling gymnastics pins. >ACTIVATE TARGETING SIGHT Your cyber eye targeting sight is activated. >SHOOT PINS WITH BOW With precision targeting, you shoot down every pin. Kodachi stuffs a bouquet in your face. You pass out. >GET UP You are unconscious. >WAIT You are eaten by a grue. *** You have died *** Game over >RESTORE >GO TO NEKOHANTEN On your way to the nekohanten, you encounter Kodachi in the street. "HOHOHOHO! What are you doing with Ranma-sama?" >ACTIVATE TARGETING SIGHT Your cyber eye targeting sight is activated. "Well? What are you doing?" >FIRE FLAMETHROWER AT KODACHI Kodachi yelps and leaps out of the way. >SHOOT KODACHI WITH BOW Using your targeting eye, you lock onto Kodachi and fill her full of arrows. Obstacles are for killing, after all. She drops a bouquet of black roses. >TAKE BOUQUET Taken. >GO TO NEKOHANTEN You arrive at the Nekohanten, and Cologne guides you to a table, then revives Ranma. "What kind of ramen would you like?". Ranma orders some beef ramen. >ORDER PORK RAMEN Cologne brings you pork ramen and Ranma some beef ramen. He eats like a maniac. Mousse has arrived. Mousse brings you a lot of fish. "It worked great, Shampoo!" >SMILE AT MOUSSE Mousse is so happy he passes out. Ranma laughs. >EAT Eat what? >EAT RANMA This is not a lemon story. >EAT RAMEN Which ramen? >EAT BEEF RAMEN "HEY!" Ranma defends his food. >EAT PORK RAMEN You eat the pork ramen. It is yummy and good. >SAVE Game Saved. Ukyou has arrived. Ukyou storms in. "Ranchan, why are you eating with this HUSSY?" >GIVE BOUQUET TO UKYOU "Uh, thanks." She sniffs the flowers and passes out. Ranma blinks, then goes back to his food before someone can steal it. >CONSULT BRAIN Program almost complete. Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Make Love to Ranma. 2. Glomp Ranma. 3. Offer Ranma more food. 4. Mow down Cologne with chaingun. Option #3 recommended. >OFFER RANMA MORE FOOD "Sure!" Ranma gets another beef ramen. >CONSULT BRAIN. Program complete. You suddenly realize you are completely wasting your time chasing Ranma. The best you can manage after all you've gone through today is to get him to eat some food with you. Really, you'd be much better off marrying Mousse. >SAVE Game Saved. >DROP DESIRE TO MARRY RANMA Dropped. It lands on a passing newt. This could be trouble. The newt gets lost. >WAKE MOUSSE Mousse wakes up and glomps you. "SHAMPOO!" >WAKE UKYOU Ukyou sits up. "Whaaa?" Akane runs in. "RANMA NO BAKA!" She charges Ranma with her mallet. "How dare you date Shampoo!" She chases Ranma around the room. Ukyou goes after him too. >MOUSSE, BRING ME BUCKET AND SPOON Mousse runs and gets the bucket and the big spoon from the kitchen. >GRAB AKANE You grab Akane. >PUT BUCKET ON AKANE'S HEAD "Hey, I can't see!" >STRIKE BUCKET WITH SPOON Akane's head becomes the clapper to the bucket bell. She rings her way out the door and passes out. Ukyou is still chasing Ranma. >KISS MOUSSE Mousse passes out from joy. >WAKE MOUSSE Mousse wakes up. Ranma and Ukyou are staring at you. >MOUSSE, WILL YOU MARRY ME? "YES!" Mousse dances for joy. Ranma and Ukyou faint. Cologne frowns. "I forbid it!" >MOW DOWN COLOGNE WITH CHAINGUN You spread Cologne all over the wall. Game over. You win! 152 out of 156 points.