The black limousine rolled down the freeway surrounded by lesser
vehicles, a wolf among sheep.  Its occupants, both female, spoke softly
to one another.
     "Sit up straight.  No slouching."
     "H... hai."
     "That's better.  I may have to bring you along, but I won't let you
disgrace me or the corporation.  Is that clear?"
     "Hai, Mama-san.  I promise I'll do my best."
     "Do better than that.  If this merger is successful, it will be the
most profitable one of our history.  I will let nothing interfere with
it."
     The driver cleared her throat.  "We are approaching our
destination, my Lady."
     "Good."  She glanced at her companion.  "Remember.  Whatever
happens, you must remain on your best behavior.  Do you understand me?"
     The girl nodded solemnly as the limo eased gracefully to a stop.
"Hai."

     "Really, father.  This is most distasteful."
     The young man's father did not reply - he remained in his chair,
staring forward at nothing.
     His son continued, apparently not expecting a response.  "Though I
recognize that our estate must accumulate its wealth somehow, taking
such a... personal hand in the proceedings truly leaves a bitter taste
in the mouth."
     The older man grinned widely, still saying nothing.
     "But, since it is your wish, I shall do as we agreed, and will
charm your partner-to-be with my innate wit and grace, thus ensuring
that any deals made will be to our best interest.  Rest assured, father,
that I will prevent any dishonor to our family..."  His hand dropped to
the hilt at his side.  "...whatever the cost."

     The tension in the meeting hall was an almost solid thing,
radiating out from the two negotiators and pressing against their young
companions.  Gazes locked, the two leaders evaluated each other in
silence for long moments while their proteges stood a respectful
distance back with heads bowed.  Finally, the host spoke.
     "Aloha!"  He leaned forward, displaying a wide, toothy smile and a
ridiculous Hawaiian shirt.  "Welcome to Nerima!  I hope your trip was
enjoyable?"
     If the woman was taken aback by this display, she didn't show it.
"It was acceptable.  I am pleased that you agreed to see me in person -
there is only so much that can be discussed over the phone."
     He laughed, loudly.  "Not at all!  It makes for a nice break from
running that high school."  He peered behind her.  "And who's this you
brought with you?"
     The woman gestured slightly, and her companion stepped forward.
"This is my... niece, Natsume Astsuko."  The girl - a tall, graceful
young lady with extremely long pink hair - bowed deeply.  The older
woman allowed a hint of impatience to cross her face.  "Though she only
answers to Nuku Nuku."
     "Well, it's nice to meet you both.  And this is my son, Tatewaki
Kunou."  There was a pause.  "Well?  Say hello to our guests, son."
     Tatewaki, more often known as just plain Kunou, and occasionally
'the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High', was unable to speak, gazing as he
was at Nuku Nuku.  *Truly,* he thought, *it is a kind fate that links my
life to hers.  I can see she burns with the same fierce passion as do I
- she is destined to be mine, and I hers!*
     Nuku Nuku smiled politely at Kunou.  *I wonder if he wants to be my
friend?*

-=-=-=-=-

Catling Rivalry:
   A Ranma / Nuku Nuku Crossover
by Brian Stricklin <orgg@ix.netcom.com>

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter One

     There was a Kunou-shaped hole in the landscape.
     Not literally, of course, though it had been known to happen.  This
time it was a more figurative hole - Kunou just wasn't there anymore.
     Ranma was the first one to notice it.  Late for school (as usual),
the young martial artist was sprinting madly over the rooftops, trying
to get there before the first bell.  Of course, there were a few
obstacles in his way, but over the past few months they had become so
predictable that he barely had to even think about how to handle them.
     *Okay,* he thought.  *Three houses down... jump past Ryoga's
umbrella...* A whirring circle of red passed right behind him.  *Across
the telephone wire... two more houses...  evade Moose's spikes of
death...*  Three iron needles shot through the air space that Ranma had
just vacated.  *Drop-kick Happosai...*  "AAAAAIIIIIEEE!!!"  *Past these
trees... bounce off Kunou's face... and then...*
     *WHAM!*
     Ranma's flight was suddenly interrupted by a brick wall.  He
remained pressed against it for a moment, his hands bearing the approved
two-finger "I am in serious pain" gesture, before gravity took notice
and pulled him to the ground.
     He sat up, looking about in confusion.  "Wha... what happened?"  He
ran the last few moments over again in his mind.  The leaping... the
absence of an expected foothold... the sudden pain.
     He turned and looked up at the rooftops.  A dramatic figure in a
blue robe wielding a sword failed to appear.  His self-styled arch-rival
failed to stand above him, smiling down at him smugly and quoting bad
poetry.  Ranma scratched his head.  "Where's Kunou?"

     Posed dramatically at the window of the highest room of the
mansion, Tatewaki Kunou stared out over the city of Tokyo.  "With simple
grace," he quoted, "the untouched blossom, so pure, so innocent, is
lifted by the wind and transported to the shining stillness of the pond.
Yet in its journey, though it knows not, it moves those who see it
immeasurably."
     There was a brief silence, then a round of applause arose from a
small group of hired flunkies.  "Brilliant, Master Kunou!"  "Bravo!"
"Encore!  Encore!"
     "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Kunou raged.  They stared at him, and he
turned his head away in contempt.  "You know it has to be louder than
that."
     "WOO HOO!" "Way to go, Kunou!" "Great stuff!"
     "Thank you, thank you.  One does what one can, of course."  A
slight motion from the shadows caught his attention.  "You may leave,
cretins."
     After they had bowed and scraped their way out, Kunou walked to the
window and gazed outwards.  "What news, loyal Sasuke?"
     "Here, Master Kunou."  A small square of paper zipped through the
air toward Kunou, who caught it effortlessly as it passed him.  He
glanced at it, then surrendered all pretense of dignity to gape hungrily
at the image it presented.
     "The wondrous pink-haired lass!"  It was quite a good photograph of
Nuku Nuku, taken in the soft light of dawn and displayed her, wrapped in
a filmy nightgown, asleep in a convenient sunbeam.  Kunou's hands
trembled as he stared avidly at this vision of loveliness.  "She is a
princess... a queen... a goddess!"  At length, and with some difficulty,
he composed himself.  "What have you learned of her?"
     "She lives in downtown Tokyo with these two people."  Another
picture winged its way to Kunou, followed by another.  He studied them
impassively.  "The man is Kyusaku Natsume, husband to the Lady Akiko.
The boy is Ryunosuke, their son.  I'm not sure what relationship Miss
Nuku Nuku has to them - she calls Kyusaku "Papa-san", though."
     "Unimportant.  What else have you gleaned?"
     "Her 'aunt', Akiko Natsume..."  Another picture crossed the room.
"...is, of course, the president of the highly influential Mishima Heavy
Industries corporation.  Her two personal servants..."  Two more photos
were sent to Kunou.  "...Arisa and Kyoko, act as bodyguards and, well,
slaves."  *Not unlike myself,* Sasuke thought in resignation.
     Kunou cast the pictures aside without turning.  "Aught else?"
     "Well, now that you mention it, Master Kunou...  She lives in this
house... and goes to this school... riding this bicycle... around this
neighborhood..."  The air was suddenly filled with photos, gliding with
astonishing accuracy across the room.  Kunou caught the first few, but
quickly became loaded down.  "...and here's a nice one of the Mishima
building... this is Mt. Fuji... oh, and here's a lovely picture of my
great aunt Mitsuki, on the porch of her summer home in..."
     "ENOUGH!"  Kunou threw the armload of photographs to the floor and
whirled around.  "You try my patience! Tell me... eh?"
     For the first time, he noticed that the ninja was standing there in
tattered clothing, covered in soot and ashes.  Several bandages were
visible.  "Why, what happened to you, faithful Sasuke?"
     Sasuke laughed, then winced in pain.  "Well, you see, Master
Kunou..."

     "KYUSAKU!"
     Sasuke cringed and turned around from his hiding spot on the
Natsume's balcony.  There was a large airplane-like vehicle, equipped
with VTOL engines, hovering only a few meters away.  The words POISON
SEVEN were stenciled on its side.  Sasuke backed up against the wall in
surprise.  He had heard the massive engines, certainly... he just hadn't
believed that the thing would actually be heading toward this particular
apartment.
     The window he had been eavesdropping at suddenly slammed open.
Kyusaku, a cigarette in his mouth, leaned out and shook his fist at the
plane.  "Will you give it up?!  People are trying to have breakfast
here!"
     The speakers on the jet rang with feminine laughter.  "We could
care less, Natsume!  Give us Ryunosuke so we may return him to Our Lady,
or face the consequences!"
     He ducked back inside, completely failing to notice Sasuke in his
clever ninja balcony disguise.  "Don't they ever get tired of this?
Nuku Nuku!"
     "Hai!"
     "Get Ryunosuke to school."  There was a metallic click.  "I've been
itching to try this baby out."
     "What is that, 'To-chan?" a younger-sounding voice asked.
     "Using my genius, I have created the perfect inertial amplifier.
Summary: We'll be able to turn their own weapons against them!"
     "Sugoi!  Papa-san is so smart!"
     "Naturally!"
     "KYUSAKU!"  The pilot of the jet sounded impatient.  "Give us the
boy or we'll open fire!"
     Things were clearly getting out of hand.  Sasuke was giving serious
consideration to running for safety, when Kyusaku emerged again, a
high-tech rifle in his hand.  He aimed carefully at POISON SEVEN.
     The laughter sounded once more.  "You're threatening us with that
little pop gun? Don't make me laugh!  Launch missile!"  A small cylinder
was fired from the jet, trailing smoke as it sped toward Kyusaku and
detonated against a nearby wall.  As a second missile fired, he pulled
the trigger on his invention; it struck the jet, increasing the recoil
caused by the emerging missile and thereby sending POISON SEVEN tumbling
back into the sky.
     This was of little comfort to Sasuke, who had been on the receiving
end of that second missile.

     "...but the doctor says I'll be back to normal in a jiffy."
     "Very good.  Oh, and you'll be paying for the doctor's bill out of
you own pay, of course."
     "But, Master... you don't pay me..."
     Kunou turned to look at him.  "Did you say something?"
     Sasuke stared at his master a moment, then dropped his head.  "No,
sir."
     "Excellent.  Now, leave me - I must devise a way to reintroduce
myself to the pink-haired lass."  He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  "A
phone call?  No... too common.  Flowers?  Too plebeian.  Bungee-jumping
from a helicopter?  Mmm... no, I tried that last week with the
pig-tailed girl..."
     "Uh, Master?  I also found out that she and Lady Akiko will be
arriving by train tomorrow, to meet with your father again.  Perhaps you
could..."
     "Silence, dog!  I am contemplating.  Hmm... aha!  I shall meet her
at the train station!  Truly I am a fount of creative genius!  Come,
loyal Sasuke - we must prepare.  For tomorrow, I shall be rejoined with
my one true love!"
     Sasuke looked unconvinced.  And, of course, brutally injured.
"Just out of curiosity, Master... does this mean you'll be giving up
Miss Akane and the pig-tailed girl?"
     Kunou chuckled.  "Ah, innocent Sasuke.  You of all people should
know me better than that."
     The ninja sighed.  "Yes, Master, I suppose you're right."

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Two

     The clock tower of Furinkan High School chimed melodiously,
signifying the end of the final class of the day.  Almost before the
ringing stopped, however, a pair of figures was already racing out of
the building - through a third-story window, it should be noted -
exchanging punches and kicks.  The other students, used to this sort of
thing, wandered past without a second glance.
     Ranma fired a barrage of punches at Ryoga's midsection.  "Ambushin'
me as I get outta class, huh? That's pretty low, even for you, P-Chan!"
     "Don't CALL me that!"  Enraged, the be-fanged martial artist
twirled one of his bandannas and sent it spinning toward Ranma, who
dodged it easily.
     "Gee, Ryoga.  You complain so much, people might think you got
something to hide."  The rat-tailed boy leapt over his opponent and
landed facing him.  "At least you managed to find the right classroom -
I'll give you that.  So what are you so mad about this time?"
     Ryoga straightened up and looked away with a confident smile.  "You
can forget trying to play innocent, Ranma.  You know what you did, and I
swear you'll pay for it!"
     "Um... nope, you've lost me there.  Couldja maybe give me a hint or
something?"
     "Shut up!"  Ryoga raised a clenched fist.  "I should have known you
wouldn't even confess to your crime!"
     "What crime?"
     "You know what I'm talking about!"
     A trim, athletic girl with short black hair pushed her way through
the milling students.  "Ranma! Are you picking on Ryoga again?"
     He stared at her.  "Me? Why is it always my fault? He attacked me!
I got witnesses!"
     "Oh, I'm so sure!"
     "It's true, Akane."  Ryoga pointed at Ranma.  "He has to be
punished for what he did to me two days ago!"
     "Two days ago..."  Ranma stared into space for a moment, then
snapped his fingers.  "Hey, now I remember! You're talking about when
you asked me where the bathroom was..."
     Ryoga suddenly looked sorry that he brought the whole thing up.
     "...and you went into the girl's locker room instead..."
     "Uhh... yeah."
     "...then when you went for the door, you went into their shower
room instead..."
     "Right!" Ryoga interrupted hastily.  "Now prepare to..."
     "...and they all hit you with buckets and stuff..."
     "Shut up!"
     "...and one of the buckets happened to be full of nice cold..."
     Ryoga quickly hurled his parasol at Ranma, who caught it with one
hand.  "That was all your fault, Ranma! You're the one who told me where
to go!"
     "Jeez, blame ME for not being able to tell left from right, why
don't you?"  He tossed the parasol back.  "Well, come on, then.  Let's
get it over with."
     "You're not seriously going to fight him over something stupid like
this, are you?"
     "Ah, stay out of it, Akane.  I can handle this."
     She glared at him, fury building in her eyes, and the more prudent
students vacated the area quickly.  Finally she turned away.  "Fine!
I've got better things to do than referee a couple of nine-year-olds!
I'm going home!"  She stomped off, muttering under her breath.
     "Akane..."  Ryoga reached out to her, but she was already gone.  He
let his hand drop.
     "So, c'mon! You gonna fight, or what?"
     "Damn you, Ranma..."  Ryoga was actually trembling with rage.  "You
*always* have to upset her, don't you?  Well, this is the last straw."
He leapt at his opponent.  "I hate you, Ranma!"

     From her first-class seat on the crosstown train, Natsume Akiko
studied the latest MHI profit reports carefully.  The merger with the
Kunou estates, if successful, would open up a whole new landscape of
opportunity, and she needed to discover the best way to take advantage
of it.
     She slowly became aware of being watched, and she turned to look at
her companion.  Nuku Nuku, in the seat next to her, was gazing at her
with an adoring smile and giggling occasionally.  "What are you grinning
at?"
     Nuku Nuku giggled again.  "I'm just happy.  Mama-san's so nice to
let me go on this trip with her again."
     "Well, if you're going to protect Ryunosuke, you need to learn
corporate etiquette.  He will be taking over as head of Mishima Heavy
Industries some day, after all, and we have to show you how to act, how
not to disrupt delicate situations.  And the best way to do that is by
experience."  Akiko turned off her handheld computer, then smiled a
secret smile.  "Do you remember that young man from the last time?"
     "Eh?"
     "The young man with the katana."
     "Oh!  I remember."
     Akiko glanced sidelong at her.  "Did you like him?"
     Nuku Nuku nodded, not really knowing where this was going.  "He was
nice.  He stared at me too much, though."
     "Are you looking forward to seeing him again?"
     "I guess so.  Mama-san, I'm not sure..."
     "Never mind, dear.  Don't worry about it."  Akiko sighed silently
and gazed out the window.  It was just as well, she decided, that her
"niece" wasn't yet ready for such things.  Though she had hoped that...
     A giggle caught her attention, and she turned back to see Nuku Nuku
peering over the back of her seat.  Akiko sighed.  "For the last time,
Nuku Nuku - stop pestering that lady's canary."
     "Awww..."

     "Hold STILL, Ranma!  Come back here and take what's coming to you!"
     "Hey, it's not my fault you're so slow!"
     Punch after punch, kick after kick, the two battled their way
across town, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.  They were
evenly matched, for the most part, and neither could land a decisive
blow on his opponent.  "I won't let you run away this time!"
     "I ain't the one who runs away!"  Ranma grabbed a chunk of wall
that had been loosened by the fight and hurled it at Ryoga, who smirked.
     "You should know better than that.  Baksai-TENKETSU!"  Stabbing a
finger into the masonry's breaking point, Ryoga reduced it to gravel in
an instant... yet when the smoke cleared, Ranma was nowhere to be seen.
"What the... Ranma!  You said you don't run away!"
     *WHOMP!*  Ranma, having finally descended in a high arc from the
jump he had executed after throwing the wall, landed squarely on Ryoga's
head with both feet.  "Yeah, and I meant what I said."  He stepped off
the smouldering heap formerly known as Ryoga and walked off.  "Stupid.
Ain't you ever gonna... huh?"
     Rounding a corner had brought him face to face with a figure in a
familiar blue kimono.  "Hey Kunou, where you been?  Not that I care or 
nothin'..."
     "I was expecting to see you here, Saotome," Kunou said solemnly,
grasping his katana in both hands.  "I knew that a svengali such as your
loathsome self would move heaven and earth to keep me from true
happiness.  And indeed, here you are, a mere handful of blocks from the
predestined train station.  Truly your evil knows no bounds."
     "What're you talking about?"  Ranma pointed at a familiar sign
nearby.  "We're standing right outside the Tendo dojo.  Of course I'd be
here!"
     "Silence, infidel!"  Kunou shouted.  "I know of your power over
women, all the lovely young girls that have fallen victim to your dark
influence! You cad, you venemous lecher!"
     Ranma gritted his teeth, getting annoyed.  "Give me a break
already.  You're just jealous because I have better luck with women
without even trying than you ever will!"
     "Methinks he doth protest too much! Admit to your unholy ways
before it's too late, Saotome, and surrender to my blade!"
     "Get it through your head, Kunou - it ain't like it's my fault I got
all these stupid girls hanging all over me all the time, hugging me and
giving me presents and... and..."
     Ranma ground to a halt as he realized that they had acquired an
audience - specifically, the entire population of the Tendo household
had gathered at the doorway, watching him in various degrees of
disapproval.
     "Oh, dear."
     "Ranma, how could you do this to Akane... you philanderer..."
     "You're a disgrace to the family name, m'boy."
     "Gee, Ranma, is there something you haven't been telling us?
Another fiancee, maybe?"
     Akane said nothing, which was perhaps worst of all.
     Ranma raised his hands, palms out.  "Hey, wait a second... don't go
getting the wrong idea..."
     Kunou smirked.  "Then you admit to your demonic powers?"
     Despite the mortal peril he was in, Ranma took the bait.  "No! If
it were up to me, all those girls wouldn't follow me around like a bunch
of puppies, with big wet eyes and... and... hoo-boy."
     "DIE, RANMA!"
     Akane's uppercut sent Ranma spinning through the air, trailing
smoke.  She remained in that position, still fiercely angry, until she
heard Soun and Genma talking to each other.
     "Where d'you think he'll land?"
     "Judging from the arc, I'd say the train station."
     "Hmm. And the daily crosstown express?"
     "Due in any minute, if I recall."
     There was silence for a long moment, then abruptly everyone started
running toward the distant station, trampling Kunou in the process.

     "Do you have our bags?"
     "Hai, Mama-san."
     Akiko looked around in slight annoyance.  "How troublesome.  The
younger Kunou was supposed to meet us here.  Well, we can't wait around
forever.  There should be an acceptable hotel nearby - let's go and find
it."
     "Mmm!"
     They had barely taken a dozen steps, however, when the cries of
alarm drew their attention.  Several people were pointing upwards -
their gazes followed, and they saw someone falling from a great height
toward them.
     It was clear that his flight would end on a railroad track... and
the crosstown express was already in sight, roaring toward the station.
     Akiko turned quickly.  "Nuku Nuku!"  But it hadn't been necessary -
the luggage had already been dropped, and the cat-girl was running
toward the figure, picking up speed.  She leapt...

     Ranma recovered his senses in time to realize where he was, and
where he was heading.  He paused a moment to let it sink in, then yelled
in panic.  Not even the legendary Saotome constitution would save him
from getting run over by a train travelling at sixty miles per hour.  He
crossed his arms in front of his face, in the feeble hope that it might
help...
     A sudden concussion, far sooner than expected, knocked the air from
his lungs, and he felt himself inexplicably rising.  He looked up, but
in his stunned state all he could make out was long pink hair. *Wh...
what the...*
     They ascended a moment longer, then dropped back to the ground,
landing in the middle of the station.  The various travellers and
tourists gasped in amazement at this display, while those native to
Nerima gave it only the barest hint of attention, having seen it all
before.
     Ranma was set carefully to the ground, and a soft, feminine voice
spoke to him.  "Daijobu?"  He turned, and found himself staring into the
biggest, greenest eyes he'd ever seen.  They were set in an undeniably
cute face, which itself was framed by a wreath of pink hair.  Oddly, he
found he didn't have to look down to face her - she was nearly as tall
as he was.
     The girl bore an expression of concern, and he found himself
stammering a reply.  "Uh... yeah, I'm... I'm fine."
     She smiled happily.  "I'm glad."
     "Nuku Nuku!"
     Turning, Nuku Nuku saw Akiko beckoning to her; an odd assortment of
people were standing next to the businesswoman.  The cat-girl waved
back.  "Hai!"  Giggling occasionally, she bounded back to Akiko's side,
a rather stunned Ranma following slowly behind.
     Nuku Nuku screeched to a halt as she approached the others, who all
bore varying expressions - Akiko looked faintly approving, Kasumi was
concerned, the two men looked astonished, and Akane seemed torn between
worry and anger.  Nabiki, oddly enough, was looking at Akiko.
     As Ranma joined them, Akane finally decided to let her concern win
out - for now.  "Ranma! Are you okay?"
     "Yeah, I guess so."  He rubbed his head where she had struck him,
but chose not to bring it up at that point in time.  He looked at his
rescuer.  "Uh, thanks."
     Nuku Nuku grinned.  "You should be more careful - trains are
dangerous."
     Ranma couldn't help but chuckle.  "You got a point."
     Stepping forward, Genma bowed to Nuku Nuku.  "You saved my son's
life, and we're in your debt.  If we can repay you in any way, no matter
how small, please feel free to ask."
     The cat-girl developed a sweatdrop of embarrassment.  "Ano... we
really don't need any..."
     "Now that you mention it," Akiko interrupted, breaking off the
speculative gaze she had been directing at Ranma, "it so happens that we
are two poor, lost travelers, and we could use some lodging for the
weekend."
     Nuku Nuku looked at her in confusion.  "Eh?"
     "I suppose there's a spare room we can loan you."
     "Oh, I wouldn't want to be a bother or anything!"  She leaned over
to Nuku Nuku.  "Get the bags."
     Genma laughed.  "It's no bother at all.  My house is your house!"
     "Ah, Saotome... it's my house, actually..."
     "Well, if you insist, then."  She bowed.  "I am Akiko, and this is
my niece.  Her name is Atsuko."
     The cat-girl bowed as well.  "Hajimemashite.  Everyone calls me
Nuku Nuku."
     After introductions were exchanged and the ladies' baggage was
retrieved, the group began to walk back to the Tendo dojo.  Ranma led
the parade, talking companionably with their guests, while Akane
followed a short distance behind, seething.  The remaining members of
the Tendo household walked slowly toward home.
     "That's two more for dinner, then," Kasumi noted happily.
     "Saotome, you know our finances are stretched as it is.  How could
you invite a pair of strangers to stay with us?"
     "Come on, Tendo.  It's just for the weekend - how much could they
eat?  Besides, would you rather I ignore a debt of honor?"
     "No, I... suppose not."
     "Oh, chill out, daddy.  If you play your cards right, you won't
have to worry about money for a long, long time."
     Soun turned and looked at his daughter curiously.  "What do you
mean, Nabiki?"
     She nodded toward Akiko.  "That lady right there just happens to be
Natsume Akiko, president of the Mishima Heavy Industries corporation,
and one of the richest women in Japan."
     Soun stared.  "Is that so..."
     "She is a fine figure of a woman, eh, Tendo?  And you're not
expected to be a widower forever."
     "Saotome, how could you?  I still feel the pain of my loss - it's
still too soon."
     "Hmm.  Forget I mentioned it."
     There was a short pause.
     "Still... if it's for the sake of the dojo... wealthy, you said?"
     "Unbelievably so.  I did my Economics term paper on her."
     "And... single?"
     "Married, but separated.  Apparently she and her husband don't get
along."
     "Hmm."
     As they approached the dojo, a blue-clad figure covered in
footprints could be seen struggling to his feet.  "The vengeance... of
Heaven... is crunchy... and good with ketchup..."
     Akiko frowned.  "Tatewaki-kun!"
     This was enough to snap Kunou out of his dazed state - *nobody* ever
called him by his first name!  He stood up quickly and lunged for his
sword.  "Who dares...?! Oh.  Ah... ah... Lady Akiko..."
     She looked him over disapprovingly.  "I would not have expected the
heir to the Kunou estates to present himself in such deplorable
condition."
     "But..."
     "You may tell your father that my niece and I will be staying here
over the weekend.  Come along, Nuku Nuku."
     "But..."
     "Bai-bai! Nice seeing you again!"
     "But..."
     "Boy, Kunou, you look like hell.  Go get cleaned up."
     "But..."
     "I'd invite you in, but we've already got two new guests, and...
oh, dear."
     "But..."
     "See ya later, Kunou-baby."
     "But..."
     The street was soon deserted, leaving Kunou to stand there
mindlessly, a brief wind tousling his hair.  "What just happened?"

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Three

     Nuku Nuku awoke to the sound of fierce cries.
     She stretched lazily and blinked in the light of dawn, trying to
remember the events of the previous night.  First she had gone home with
this nice family, and were shown to their room.  For some reason the boy
she had saved seemed upset by this - something about it being his room -
but his father just hit him until he was quiet.  Then after a while they
had gone down to dinner, during which she got to talk to Ranma some
more, which was fun.  Akane seemed unhappy about something, though.  And
Akane's father was talking to Mama-san an awful lot, and making
funny-looking faces.  Nuku Nuku wondered if he was sick or something.
     After that, this little pig showed up in a bandanna.  Nuku Nuku
wanted to chase it - after all, Ranma was doing it, too - but Akiko
wouldn't let her.  Besides, it turned out to be Akane's pet, so she
would've felt kinda bad about it.  They - Ranma and the pig - ran into
the bathroom, then for some reason Ranma came out fighting with another
boy.  The new boy was yelling at Ranma about something to do with
cheating on Akane - which Nuku Nuku didn't understand at all.  She
hadn't seen them playing any games.  Anyway, the fight ended when the
new boy accidentally landed face first in Nuku Nuku's... well, he kind
of jumped back and got a nosebleed, then fainted.
     Later on they went to bed, and the night passed pretty quietly.
Before the sun came up Nuku Nuku woke up and explored a little, then
went back to sleep on the roof of this other building.  And now it
seemed like there was something going on inside it.  She crawled to the
edge of the roof and poked her head down, her hair cascading almost to
the ground.
     Peering through a window, she saw Akane, dressed in a white gi,
sending punches and kicks toward an imaginary opponent.  Nuku Nuku
wasn't used to anything like this - her own style was mostly instinct -
and watched in fascination.
     Akane continued her practice, unaware of the cat-girl's gaze upon
her.  Which was just as well - her attacks were a bit fiercer than
usual, as she was imagining beating Ranma to a bloody pulp for paying so
much attention to that... that... Ooooo!
     She stopped, breathing heavily.  *Okay, Akane.  Take it easy.  Just
a couple of days, and she'll be gone.  As long as she doesn't try and
make herself into another fiancee, that is...*  She wiped her forehead
with a cloth.  *Just have to keep my eyes open.*
     She moved onto the next phase of her routine, and grabbed some
cement blocks from the storage room.  Placing one on top of two others,
she crouched before them, bringing her body and mind into focus... then
struck downward with a battle cry.  The block shattered in a cloud of
dust.
     "Wai!"  The sound of applause caused Akane to look up, and she saw
a giggling Nuku Nuku in the doorway, dressed in casual clothes.  "That
was cool, Akane - you're so strong!"
     Despite her intention to dislike the visitor, Akane found herself
smiling.  Nobody ever made a fuss over her like that - her father would
have considered it just part of her training, her sisters were too used
to it by now, and Ranma would have just shown off, rubbing her nose in
the fact that he was better.  Someone who was actually excited by her
skills was a new experience.  Maybe she had the wrong impression about
Nuku Nuku...
     "Uh, thanks," she said.  "Are you interested in martial arts?"
     "Nuku Nuku fights a little, though it's mainly just for play."
     "Oh."  Akane pushed the debris away.  "Would you like to try it?"
     "Um... I don't know..."
     "Oh, come on.  Look, I'll start you out with wood - that won't be
so hard."
     "Well..."  Nuku Nuku hesitated, then remembered that Mama-san had
told her to be polite.  "Okay!"  She skipped over to Akane, who set a
two-inch block of wood on top of the cement stand.
     "Now, be careful," Akane warned.  "Don't hit with all your strength
- you might hurt yourself.  Just concentrate, and try to focus."

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Four

     The trip to the market was, for Ranma at least, a nervous one.  He
couldn't keep himself from scanning the rooftops and alleys for certain
telltale signs.  *Oh, man... if any of 'em find out, I'm a goner...*
     "Is something wrong, Ranma-kun?"
     "Aaaaah! Uh, I mean, no, nothing's wrong.  Really."
     Nuku Nuku went back to walking silently beside him.  She may have
been a bit unclear on certain aspects of human behavior, but she'd
always been good at reading emotions, and she knew worry when she saw
it.  It'd be okay, though - she'd protect him against whatever it was.
     Ranma continued his paranoid search for a while, then forced
himself to relax.  *Okay, no big deal.  I just gotta go to the market,
pick up a few things, and go home.  An hour, maybe 90 minutes tops.
There's no chance that they'll find me in such short a...*
     "SAOTOMEEEEE!"
     From out of a shadow a blue-clad figure leapt at Ranma, sword
flashing.  Before Nuku Nuku could react, they were both gone,
disappearing down an alleyway.
     "Ranma-kun!"  The cat-girl rushed to follow, when suddenly she was
surrounded by a shower of... of...
     She caught one and sniffed it.  "Black rose petals?"
     A long, slightly insane peal of laughter filled the air, and Nuku
Nuku looked around eagerly.  That sounded like Mama-san!  Or maybe
Arisa.  Or even...
     "Up here, foolish girl!"
     A young woman in a green gymnastics outfit, her raven-dark hair
caught up in a long braid over her shoulder, stood on a nearby rooftop.
She twirled a ribbon over her head - this, for some reason, was the
source of the petals.
     She laughed again.  "I knew my feeble-minded brother would lead me
right to you, insolent child.  I feel it only fair that I give you a
warning - trifle not with my dear, sweet Ranma, or face the wrath of the
rising star of high school martial arts gymnastics, Kodachi "the Black
Rose" Kunou!"
     Nuku Nuku waved.  "Konnichiwa!  Are you going to the market, too?"
     Kodachi stared at her, a large sweatdrop rolling down her temple.
"Is it possible you do not fully comprehend the mortal peril you are
in?!"  She gestured fiercely with her ribbon.  "I shall brook no
interference!  Ranma-sweetums is mine, do you hear me? Mine! Mine!
Mine!"
     The cat-girl watched for a moment as Kodachi emitted another peal
of maniacal laughter.  "Ano... I have to go help Ranma-kun now.
Bai-bai!"
     It took Kodachi a moment to realize her enemy was leaving, and a
moment longer to force herself to stop laughing.  "Oh, I don't think so,
child.  You have only two options, I'm afraid - stay away from Ranma..."
She leapt off the rooftop and dived toward Nuku Nuku.  "...or DIE!"

     If one watched from a distance, the symmetry was beautiful to
behold.  Both Kunou and Kodachi left street level at the exact same time,
tumbling over the streets in a course that, inevitably, caused them to
collide.  Unconscious, the siblings fell into a rather large tree, and
were never heard from again - at least, not for a few chapters.

     Ranma walked back to where Kunou had ambushed him, rubbing his jaw
absently - Kunou had gotten in a lucky shot before Ranma had decked him.
*I hope Nuku Nuku's all right,* he thought to himself.  *What's Kunou's
problem, anyway?*
     Fortunately Nuku Nuku seemed to be fine when he returned - he hated
to think what might happen if the girls caught her.  (The manner in
which she had saved his life had, typically, been forgotten.)  She
looked at him in concern.  "Ranma-kun, daijobu?"
     "Ah, no problem.  He does that all the time."
     "Okay."
     They started walking again.
     "He seems to know you, though."
     "Mmm.  Mama-san took me to meet his family last week."
     Ranma snorted.  "The whole family's nuts, if ya ask me."  Nuku
Nuku, who thought they seemed normal compared to her family, refrained
from comment.  "What's your aunt talkin' to them about, anyway?"
     "Some sort of business deal.  Mama-san is always trying to make
more money."
     "Hmm... so Nabiki was right."  He looked at her.  "I kinda doubted
that some multibillionaire lady would shack up in our dojo just to get
free room and board."
     Nuku Nuku looked down at the ground as they walked.  "Gomen ne..."
     "Huh?"
     "Mama-san does things like that sometimes.  She really doesn't mean
to be rude."
     "Hey, it's no problem.  With all the characters mooching off us,
two more won't really make a difference."  He considered.  "Um, that
really didn't come out the way I intended..."
     She looked at him for a moment, then giggled.  He couldn't help but
join in, and soon they were laughing together as they walked.
     This lasted all of five seconds.
     "So glad you're having fun, Ranma," a voice announced.  Nuku Nuku
looked around, then saw a figure step out from behind a lamppost.  It
was the boy that lived in the Tendo's bathroom!
     "Don't you start again!"  Ranma growled.  "I toldja, you got the
wrong idea!"
     "Shut up, Ranma!  I'm tired of watching you break Akane's heart!
Either do the right thing, or stop leading her on!"
     Ranma clenched his fists.  "Oh, like I need YOUR advice on women!"
     Ryoga smirked, and hefted a bucket.  "I wonder how your new friend
will feel when she finds out about..."
     "You wouldn't dare!"
     "Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.  Just keep walking, and we'll
find out.  Do you feel lucky?"  With a laugh, Ryoga leapt to the nearest
rooftop and disappeared.
     Ranma cursed.  *Can't let that idiot wander free with that
bucket...*  He turned to Nuku Nuku.  "Wait here - I'll be right back."
     "Oh.  Okay, Ranma-kun."
     As Ranma left in pursuit of Ryoga, a figure watched from a nearby
doorway.  *Well, well, well.  I guess Fang-boy was right.  Looks like
I'll need to scare her off a little before things get too far.  And
that'll be easier to do with Ranma-honey distracted like that...*
     Nuku Nuku sat down on a bench and waited.  She'd wanted to follow
Ranma, in case he was going to play with that other boy again, but he
told her to wait.  She sighed.  It was so much more quiet here than
where she lived - not much traffic, not as many people, and nobody to
play with.  Though it was fun talking to Ranma and the others, she was
starting to miss her own family a little.  Still, Kodachi had been fun,
as long as it had lasted.  She wondered if...
     A glint of metal caught her attention, and she instinctively
bounded to one side as a brace of razor-sharp spatulas thunked into the
wooden bench.  Landing gracefully on her feet (of course), she peered
around until she saw the young woman standing in front of a doorway
labeled "U-chan's".
     "Ano... you should be more careful with those," Nuku Nuku offered.
"They look sharp."
     Ukyou smirked.  "Don't like it, huh?  Well, let me tell you
something, you home wrecker - if you don't stay away from Ranma-honey,
I'll give you more of the same!"
     Nuku Nuku blinked.  While she was, technically, a home wrecker -
though only in self defense, and it had been rebuilt pretty quickly -
she didn't see how this girl knew about it.  "But... I have to see him
again.  After all, I am sleeping in his room..."
     "WHAT?!"
     "Well, his father insisted and all, so..."
     Ukyou clenched her fist.  "That rotten, two timing... no, FIVE
timing creep!  I'll fix him!"  She pointed at the cat girl.  "But first,
I'll take care of you!  You're not going to muscle in on my territory
that easily!"  Unlimbering her giant spatula, Ukyou charged at Nuku Nuku,
screaming in rage.
     The cat-girl dodged, landing on top of the bench, while the spatula
cut straight through a lamppost.  "Hold still, damn you!  Stand there
and fight!"
     "You should stop now - Nuku Nuku doesn't want to hurt you!"
     This infuriated Ukyou, who ran at her opponent and swung her spatula
wildly.  Nuku Nuku leapt over the master cook, and turned around to face
her.  "Please, stop..."  She found herself backing up as Ukyou swung
again and again and again.  "I don't want..."  She was cut off as her
next step backwards caused her to tumble into Ukyou's okonomiaki
restaurant.  The patrons stared as the cute pink-haired girl stumbled
into their midst, then scattered as Ukyou appeared in the doorway.
     "Get out of my store, you hussy!" she snarled, the mere tone of her
voice causing her customers to bolt for safety.
     Nuku Nuku glanced around, noticing the pronounced lack of exits.
"But... you're in the way.  Will you leave Nuku Nuku alone if she
leaves?"
     Ukyou smirked.  Surely she couldn't be this naive?  "Sure, I'll
leave you alone.  Go ahead."
     "Okay!"  Nuku Nuku, convinced that their differences had been
settled, traipsed happily toward the door... only to be met by Ukyou's
spatula.  She fell back, temporarily stunned.
     "Oops.  My hand slipped."  She spun the giant spatula around in her
hand, then skillfully slipped it under the dazed cat-girl.  "And now,
for the coup de gras!"  Muscles tensing, Ukyou lifted the spatula in a
giant overhead arc, bringing it down toward the hot okonomiaki stove.
     The spatula stopped with a jolt.
     "Huh?"  Without letting up on the pressure, Ukyou peered under the
blade.  Nuku Nuku had gotten her hands above - or rather, below - her
head in time, and was grimacing in strain as she struggled to keep from
being squashed.
     Ukyou grinned.  Nice try, but she wouldn't last long.  The stove was
nice and hot, and... and...
     Nuku Nuku's hands didn't seem to be burning.  Even her hair was
only smouldering a bit.
     The young cook stared.  *What is she?!  She has to be feeling
something!  Maybe she's a lot tougher than I thought.*
     Her train of thought cut off as Nuku Nuku locked her legs around
the spatula's handle.  *No way.  She couldn't possibly...*
     "HAH!"  With a cry of effort, the cat-girl did a flip, pulling the
spatula around and underneath her.  Ukyou was taken by surprise, and
couldn't let go of the handle in time to prevent herself from being
launched, screaming, into the restaurant's storeroom.  Nuku Nuku hopped
off the stove and peered through the doorway.  "I'm sorry... are you all
right?"  A faint moan was her only reply.
     "Nuku Nuku? Where'd ya go?"
     She looked up and smiled.  "Ranma-kun!"  She bounded out the door,
her recent battle all but forgotten.
     Outside the restaurant, Ranma peered about.  *How could I have been
so stupid as to leave her alone? What if...*
     "Ranma-kun!"
     He turned around and saw the pink-haired girl leave... U-chan's?!
     "Did you and that boy fight again, Ranma-kun?" she asked politely.
"Did... huh?!"  She stopped in mid-sentence as Ranma grabbed her wrist
and sprinted off down the street pulling her behind him.
     *Oh, man!  I just hope Ukyou wasn't around!  I got so caught up with
Ryoga I didn't realize we were so close to her place!*
     Nuku Nuku was swept along as Ranma dragged her along the street,
while the people of Nerima watched yet another example of the younger
Saotome's womanizing habits and shook their heads in disgust.

     "But, Shampoooo!  Why won't you go out with me?"
     Shampoo ignored Mousse and walked along the sidewalk, delivery box
in hand.  The circus performer followed behind her like an overeager
puppy that had just been swatted with a newspaper.
     "Do you really hate me that much, Shampoo?"
     "Sure do," she replied instantly, without looking back.  "You too
stupid.  Shampoo only love Ranma."
     He sighed.  "What can I do to change your mind?  I'll do anything!
I'd cook your food, I'd paint your house, I'd..."
     Shampoo tuned out his inane blather - something had caught her eye.
Her beloved husband had just raced through the crossroads ahead of her,
pulling a tall girl with pink hair along behind him.  *Eh? Ranma-darling
with new girl?  Guess rumor Shampoo hear was right!  Ranma trying get
new fiancee!  Shampoo not let him get away with - have to make sure him
never see her again.*  She smiled slightly.  *And womans who interfere
is for killing.*
     She stopped and carefully set the box down on the sidewalk.
Mousse's monologue ground to a halt as she turned to face him.  "Shampoo
tired of listening to you.  Shampoo go on date with Ranma now."
     "Wha... you can't do that!"
     "You no can stop me.  But maybe if you beat Ranma, Shampoo think
about go with you, instead."
     Mousse straightened up, his glasses shining heroically in the sun.
"If it means having a date with you, I'll rip his arms off!"
     "Shampoo think he beat you up good anyway."  She leaned closer to
him; he swallowed nervously.  "But just to be sure..."  Her hand moved
in a blur, snatching his pop-bottle glasses from his face.
     "H-hey! Shampoooo!  That's not fair!"
     She laughed and grabbed her delivery box.  "All fair in love and
war!  You beat Ranma, we talk again!"  She leapt, and vanished over the
rooftops.
     "Love?  So you really do love me!"  He clenched his fists.  "All
right, then! I'll prove my love to you, even without the glasses!"

     A few blocks away, Ranma lay panting against a wall while Nuku Nuku
watched him in concern.  "Okay... okay... I think we're safe now."
     She blinked in confusion, then looked around.  "Are we close to the
market yet?"
     He stared up at her incredulously.  *I guess she didn't realize the
danger she was in...  come to think of it, she doesn't even look
winded.*  "Um, it's not too far."
     She paused for a moment, gazing up at the clouds.  "You don't have
to worry, Ranma-kun."
     "Huh?"
     "Whatever's after you, I'll protect you.  I'm good at that."
     He bit back his initial urge to reject the idea of being protected
by a girl.  "Uh, well, ya see, it's not that I'm afraid or nothin'..."
     She turned around and smiled at him.  "Daijobu!  I won't let anyone
hurt you.  Nuku Nuku likes helping her friends!"  She giggled happily.
     Ranma blinked.  *She's kinda cute, but weird.  And she reminds me
of... someone...*
     Without warning, a steel chain dropped from above and wrapped
itself around Ranma.  "What the..."  His speech was cut off as an unseen
force yanked him up to the rooftops.
     "Ranma-kun!"  Nuku Nuku prepared to leap up to the roof herself,
but a fierce battle cry made her turn around.
     (From above, a pair of voices were joined in argument.  "Ranma!
How dare you go on a date with Shampoo behind my back!")
     A swift pink-and-purple blur exploded from behind a nearby tree and
charged at the cat-girl, a pair of mace-like weapons held in its hands.
     ("What are you talkin' about?!  I haven't been anywhere near
Shampoo!")
     Shampoo leapt at her rival, who seemed to be just standing there.
Ranma would never miss this one - he liked strong girls.  She moved in
for the kill...
     ("Don't lie, Ranma.  You were standing right next to her!")
     Nuku Nuku blinked, and raised her hands in what seemed like a
pathetic attempt to defend herself.
     ("That wasn't Shampoo, you nearsighted moron!  Even without your
glasses, you should be able to tell the difference!")
     The maces closed in on Nuku Nuku, who moved her hands slightly to
catch them...
     ("Yeah, right! Prepare to die, Saotome!")
     The two girls froze into a tableau for a moment as the maces
struck, looking into each other's eyes.
     Shampoo tried not to show it, but she had received a serious
physical jolt when Nuku Nuku caught her weapons.  It had been like
hitting a brick wall - no, even a wall would have splintered under her
assault.  The pink-haired girl's arms had barely moved, only flexing a
little to absorb the force of the blow.  She glared at her rival, beads
of sweat from the exertion forming on her temples.
     Nuku Nuku looked at her a moment, then grinned.  "Konnichiwa!"
     Shampoo pulled her weapons out of the cat-girl's grasp and backed
up a few steps, getting ready to attack again.  "What you doing with
Ranma?"
     Blink, blink.  "We're just going to the market.  Did you want to
come with us?"
     "No, Shampoo does not want to go with!  Shampoo hate nasty girl who
try steal Ai Len."
     Nuku Nuku, who didn't understand this, decided to ignore it and
looked up at the rooftops.  "I hope Ranma-kun is okay."
     "Poo.  You need worry about self more than worry about him.  Ranma
beat Mousse easy."
     "Hmm?"  The cat-girl turned to look at her with a gleam in her eye.
"Mouse?"
     Shampoo scowled.  "Clean ears out!  Not say mouse, say Mousse!"
     Nuku Nuku's reaction was unexpected to say the least.  A big smile
appeared on her face, and she bounced up and down in excitement.
"Nezumi!"  She whirled around and leapt, climbing her way up to the roof
so she could play with the big mouse with Ranma-kun.
     The amazon stared for a moment.  "Come back here!  Shampoo not
through with you yet!"  She hurled her weapon at Nuku Nuku; it struck
the wall above her, causing the cat-girl to lose her grip.  She cried
out in surprise as she began to fall, but somehow managed to get her
feet beneath her when she landed.
     "Why did you do that?"
     "Shampoo no let you get close to Ranma-darling again!"  She leapt
forward.  "I *kill*!"
     Nuku Nuku started in surprise, then bounded to the right to evade
the blow.  Shampoo continued her assault, launching punch after punch,
kick after kick at the hapless cat-girl.  Her victim jumped and rolled,
dodging every attack the amazon sent at her.
     "Hold still!"  Shampoo fired off a quick double-punch, which Nuku
Nuku evaded by rebounding off a nearby wall.  "Shampoo need kill quick,
so can go teach Ranma a lesson!"
     "Eh?!  What are you going to do to Ranma-kun?"
     The amazon finally connected with a kick, sending Nuku Nuku falling
back against a tree.  "Him go after too many girls!  It time that
Shampoo make him remember who him love most, if have to beat it into
him!"
     A change swept over the cat-girl.  So!  This is who Ranma-kun was
running from!
     Shampoo moved forward to finish the job... then stared as the
cat-girl pulled the tree up by its roots.  "Nuku Nuku... won't... let
you..."  She grimaced with the effort, then swung the helpless tree
toward the amazon.  "...HURT RANMA!"  Shampoo froze, too stunned to
dodge, and was quickly buried in leafy green branches.
     Nuku Nuku dusted off her hands, then remembered something.  She
wanted to help Ranma-kun against that mouse!  She bounded back up the
wall with a happy laugh, leaving a twisted pile of wood, leaves, and
amazon behind her.
     When she got to the top, she saw Ranma standing over some stranger
wearing a white outfit with baggy sleeves.  This new person seemed to be
out cold.  Nuku Nuku didn't see any mice, though - she felt
disappointed.
     Ranma, who had been massaging some feeling back into his shoulder
after the fight, turned around when the cat-girl called to him.  "Uh,
hi, Nuku Nuku.  How'd you get up here?"  She blinked at the question.
"Ah, never mind.  It's no big deal.  C'mon - let's get to the market
before anything else happens."
     She smiled and nodded.  "Mmm!"

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Five

     The return trip to the dojo was blissfully uneventful, mainly
because most everyone who would bother them was currently unconscious.
They were able to walk at a more leisurely pace without being
interrupted, and continued to chat and laugh together on their way.
     Eventually they made it back, and Ranma pushed the door open.  "I'm
home."  He led Nuku Nuku toward the kitchen, continuing their
conversation.  "Yeah, so anyway, the first time I met him, Kunou decided
to challenge me to a duel.  Man, does that guy love to hear himself
talk."
     "He seemed pretty quiet to me.  He just kept looking at me and made
little choking noises."
     "Heh.  Kunou's not half as smooth around cute girls as he thinks he
is.  Usually he..."
     Ranma came to a screeching halt, both physically and verbally, at
what was actually a common sight at the Tendo dojo - Genma and Soun,
sitting in the main room, engrossed in a game of chess.  Only it wasn't
his father, it was...
     Bolting forward, Ranma grabbed a double handful of black and white
fur.  "Are you crazy?!" he hissed.  "Whaddaya think you're doing like
that?  Change back!"
     The panda held up a sign.  < It's too cold.  Did you bring my rice
cakes? >
     "Idiot."  Ranma clobbered the panda, and turned to their guest.
"Um, uh, pay no attention to... huh?"
     Nuku wasn't where she had been; Ranma cast about, then recoiled in
surprise - the girl was kneeling next to his father and giving him a big
hug.
     The cat-girl giggled.  "He's so warm and fuzzy!"
     "Uhhhhhhhh...  Nuku Nuku, you probably should get away from him."
He glared at Genma.  "No telling what a vicious animal like that might
do next."
     Another sign was raised.  < Don't spoil it for me. >
     "Okay, Ranma-kun."  She stood up and waved.  "Bai-bai, panda-san!"
She picked her packages back up and followed Ranma to the kitchen.
Genma watched her leave, then turned to Soun and gestured that it was
his turn.  When no response came, he leaned forward and peered at his
friend - Soun had a glazed look in his eyes, having been boggled into a
coma.  Genma looked at him for a moment, then rearranged the pieces on
the chess board.

     "Didn't that seem... weird to you?"
     "What?"
     "You know, having a giant panda in the living room?"
     Nuku Nuku shrugged.  "I've never been in a real dojo before.  I
thought maybe they all had pandas."
     "Not... really."  They stepped through into the kitchen, and Ranma
waved to the aproned figure.  "Hi, Kasumi.  What's... AAAH!  A...
Akane?!"
     She crossed her arms.  "Oh, relax.  I'm just helping Kasumi with
some of the preparations.  You'd think you didn't *like* my cooking!"
     "Well, I'm not partial to being poisoned, if that's what you mean."
He helped Nuku Nuku put the packages on the table.
     "Hmph!"  Akane turned to their guest.  "So, did you have a nice
time?"
     "Mmm!  It was fun.  We would have been back faster, except for all
the people who wanted to play with Ranma."
     Ranma winced.
     "Oh, really?"  She turned a steely glare on her fiancee,
remembering what Nuku Nuku had told her that morning about 'playing'.
     "Hey, don't look at me like that!  It wasn't my fault!"
     "Not your fault?  You drag her into your fights, and it's not your
fault?"
     "I did not!  I told her to stay put while I handled things!"
     Nuku Nuku moved next to them and listened as the argument waged
back and forth.
     "Oh, so you left her all alone in an unfamiliar town?  How could
you?"
     "Get off my back, wouldja?  You are soooo uncute!"
     "WHAT did you call me?!"
     "You heard me!  Uncute!  Uncute!"
     "You're a big dummy!"
     "Oh, yeah?  At least I'm not some cross-dressing pervert!"
     "Why not?  You got the build to dress up like a guy!"
     "Oooooo!  You're just disgusting!"
     "You look like a ball of cheese!"
     "That's rich, coming from some tomboy who turns food into toxic
waste!"
     "You like to kiss rocks!"
     "You are such a..."
     "You're built like a..."
     Slowly Ranma and Akane ground to a halt, the usual flow of their
arguments disrupted.  They turned to look at Nuku Nuku, who had been
standing next to them and inserting comments with a happy grin.  "This
is fun!" she announced with a laugh.
     The couple looked away from her and their gazes met - somehow, the
whole thing seemed too silly now to continue.  Silence reigned for a
moment, then Akane started to giggle.  Ranma joined in, and soon the
three of them were collapsed in laughter.
     Eventually the cat-girl sat up.  "Nuku Nuku's going to go take a
nap now."  She hopped to her feet and bounded out through the
cloth-covered doorway.
     Ranma leaned against a wall, still chuckling.  "I think I
understand what you were talkin' about before."
     "Yeah.  Just... something about her makes her seem... harmless."
     He stood up.  "Nothin' for you to get jealous about, anyway."
     "*Jealous*?"  She shot to her feet.  "Why in the *world* would I be
jealous?"
     "Oh, come on.  You can't live without me, and you know it."
     "Why you egotistical, chauvenistic..."
     And the eternal argument began once more.

     The bell over the Cat Cafe door jingled, indicating the arrival of
a new customer.  Cologne, the ancient amazon who owned the place,
pogo-caned out of the kitchen.  "Welcome, welcome.  What can I do for...
why, Shampoo!  Whatever happened to you?"
     Covered in scratches, scrapes, and twigs, Shampoo clutched the
doorway for support.  "Great-grandmother...  Ran... Ranma..."  She
stumbled forward, but managed to pull herself into a chair before she
fell.
     "Ranma?!  I never thought that my worthless son-in-law would go
*this* far!"
     Shampoo shook her head weakly.  "Not him.  Ranma have new
g-girlfriend.  She strong... stronger than Shampoo."  Tears welled up in
her eyes.  "Shampoo no want lose Ai Len!"
     "There, there."  Cologne jumped up on the table next to her.  "We
won't let that happen - I promise you.  Now, tell me everything."
     By the time Shampoo had finished her story, the sun was setting and
Cologne had bandaged her wounds, including potent Chinese healing herbs
as a poultice.  The wounds weren't as bad as they looked - the amazon
would be back in fighting form in the morning.
     "...and then she hit me with tree."
     "I see."  Cologne hopped onto her cane and "paced", lost in
thought.  "It's curious... if she's as powerful as you say she is, I'm
sure I would have sensed at least a trace of her battle aura.  It's
almost as if..."
     The bell jingled, and they both looked up at the figure in the
doorway.  "Hey, Shampoo.  You got any spare bandages?  I'm all out."
The young woman stopped, and took in the amazon's fresh wraps, while
Shampoo in turn looked over the visitor's bruises and scrapes.
     They pointed at each other.  "You, too?" they asked in unison.
     Cologne smiled.  "Well, well, if it isn't Ukyou.  I'm glad you're
here - it'll save me a trip."
     "Huh?"
     "What you talking about, Great-Grandmother?"
     The ancient amazon peered up at Ukyou.  "You've encountered Ranma's
new friend, I take it?"
     "Yeah.  She's pretty tough."
     "Listen up, you two."  Cologne hopped closer.  "It sounds like this
one is too strong for either of you to handle alone.  It's possible that
Ranma may already have a new fiancee."
     "No way!"  Ukyou slammed her fist down on the table, then winced.
"I'm not gonna lose Ranma to a witch like her!"
     "Shampoo no see what you do about it.  You no strong enough to beat
her."
     "Oh, yeah?  And where'd those scratches come from - did a shrub try
to mug you?"
     "I still can teach you lesson, spatula girl!"
     "I think a temporary alliance would be good for the two of you,"
Cologne said slyly.  "I've noticed a few instances in the past where
both of you had to be rescued by Ranma - not the best of impressions to
make.  If you could beat this new girl together, though..."
     "Me?"  Ukyou glared at Shampoo.  "Work with her?"
     Shampoo looked away contemptfully.  "Shampoo no want to."
     "That goes double for me!"
     "All right, then - I guess I should start making arrangements to
cater for Ranma's wedding.  Can I put you both down as friends of the
groom?"
     There was a brief silence.
     "Ick.  Oh... all right.  I guess we can work together for a
*little* while.  Once this girl is out of the picture, though, all bets
are off!"
     "Shampoo guess she can put up with that for now..."
     "Splendid."  Cologne pogo-caned to the door.  "You two go home and
get some sleep.  You'll need it."
     "Where're you goin'?"
     "Me?  I'm just off to do a little reconnaissance."
     Ukyou sat down and started bandaging her wounds.  "Well, be careful
- she's a lot stronger than she looks."
     "Great-Grandmother no scared.  She can beat anyone."
     "Well, perhaps, but I like to know who I'm fighting first.  Meet
back here first thing in the morning - I should have a plan ready by
then."  With that, Cologne slipped out the door, her cane tapping on the
ground as she hopped toward the Tendo dojo.

     "Ch... checkmate?  How can that be?  I was winning!"
     < Stop complaining and pay up, Tendo. >
     "I'm tellin' ya, it was weird.  Kunou, Ryoga, Mousse... they all
came outta nowhere and started a fight."
     Nabiki thought about it.  "Each time forcing you to leave Nuku Nuku
alone so you could go deal with it, right?"
     "Well... yeah."
     "That sounds like a diversion more than anything else."  She smiled
slightly at him from across the table.  "Sounds like you've been had,
Ranma."
     He scratched his head.  "Okay, but why?  I mean, she was perfectly
fine when I got back to her, every time."
     Kasumi set some food down on the table.  "Maybe you should ask her
if she saw anything."
     "That's not a bad idea."  Nabiki looked around.  "Where is she,
anyway?"
     "Taking a nap," Akane answered, and got to her feet.  "I'll go up
and get her."
     As she reached the door, however, it slid open, and Akiko stepped
in.  "Tadaima!"  She stopped and blinked.  "Ranma-kun, why are you
pouring hot water on your father's head?"
     "He was complaining that it's too cold," Ranma snarled, never
letting up.
     "I... see."
     Kasumi smiled at her.  "I'm so glad you're here - dinner's almost
ready."
     Akiko bowed.  "Sumimasen!  I'm sorry to put your family through so
much trouble."
     "It's no trouble at all, really."
     "I know!"  Akiko smiled brightly.  "Why don't I treat you all to a
picnic in the park tomorrow, in appreciation of your generosity?  It
could be like a family outing!"
     "Family... outing?"  Nabiki sounded almost suspicious.
     "Oh, I realize we're not really family, but it seems like I already
know you all so well!  And it would be nice to bring our families closer
together.  Don't you agree, Tendo-sama?"
     Soun blinked.  "Uh, well, ahem, yes, of course!  I agree
completely!"
     She clapped her hands together.  "It's settled, then!  And you
don't have to worry about a thing - I'll take care of all of the
necessary arragements."
     Ranma perked up.  "Wow!  Free eats?  Cool!"
     Akiko set her briefcase down and gracefully sat at the table.  "Did
you enjoy your time with Nuku Nuku, Ranma-kun?"
     "Uh... yeah, it was nice.  And nothing went wrong!  Honest!"
     Genma reached over and pounded Ranma into the floor before he could
say too much - Akiko pretended not to notice.  "Well, that's nice.
Where is she, by the way?"
     "Upstairs taking a nap," Nabiki told her.
     "Hm!  I'm not surprised."
     The door slid back open, and Akane entered with a puzzled frown.
"That's funny - she's not in her room."
     "Hmm."  Genma rubbed his chin in thought.  "Where could she be?"
     "Probably on the roof, if I know her," Akiko said calmly, sipping a
cup of tea provided to her by Kasumi.  "She likes high places."
     "The... the roof?"  Ranma stared at her in shock.
     She noted his pale expression, and misinterpreted it.  "Oh, don't
worry - she won't damage anything up there."  She considered.
"Probably."
     "Something wrong, boy?"
     Ranma whirled to face his father.  "Pop!  Isn't *someone* due to
come back from his trip today?"
     "Let's see here..."  Genma looked up at the ceiling absently.  "No,
not that I can recall."
     "You moron!  You know... someone who goes running around the roof
all night?  Someone who would be *very interested* in our guests?"
     Suddenly Genma gasped, and his eyes bulged from his head; Soun
sported much the same expression as they shouted in unison:  "THE
MASTER!!"

     What a find!  Happosai didn't know why the pink-haired girl with
the long legs and the huge hooters was curled up on the dojo's roof, but
he wouldn't let that stop him.  It was obviously a sign from above -
he'd have to be crazy to pass up an opportunity like this!
     Silently, he crept along the slates toward the slumbering vision of
loveliness.  It had to be Ranma's doing, he decided.  Not only was he
pretty sexy as a girl, but he was an absolute magnet for beautiful women
as a guy!  At least that worthless Genma had produced one good thing in
his miserable lifetime...
     The girl stirred slightly in her sleep, and Happosai paused until
she stopped moving once more.  Deciding that he was close enough, he
leapt...
     ...and was knocked to the edge of the roof when the girl backhanded
him with surprising strength.
     She giggled drowsily.  "Just five more minutes... zzz..."
     Happosai clutched the roof desperately, then pulled himself to
safety.  So, wanted to play hard to get, did she?  Well, he knew all the
tricks to that game...
     He walked up to her and crossed his arms.  "Hey, sleeping beauty!
C'mon, wake up!"
     "Hmm?"  She lifted her head and looked around with half-lidded eyes
until she saw the diminutive figure.  She blinked.
     "Allow me to introduce myself.  My name's Happosai, but a looker
like you can call me Happy!  Now, it looks to me like they haven't told
you about the rules around here - any beautiful women who want to sleep
on the roof have to talk to me first.  But we'll just mark it off as a
first offense; all I need you to do is model these soft, silky
undergarments for... your... Uncle... Happy?"
     He stuttered to a halt - something about the intense gaze the girl
was directing at him was disconcerting.  Almost... hungry.
     Unfortunately for Happosai, his small stature, beady eyes, and wiry
frame made him, to Nuku Nuku, look extremely...
     "Meow!"
     ...mouselike.
     In a flash she had gotten up and was bounding toward him on all
fours.  Why, this had to be the big mouse that girl had been talking
about!  Happosai stared as she raced toward him... until finally his
nerve broke.  He ran screaming in the opposite direction; she followed
him, chasing him all over the dojo roof.  "Wait, nezumi-kuuuuun!"
     Everyone rushed outside and stared up at this display, watching the
attractive young girl putting Happosai in fear for his very life.  Akiko
frowned and opened her mouth, but Genma held up a hand, silencing her
before she could call off Nuku Nuku.  He watched the pair run back and
forth on the rooftop, his face impassive.
     He heard a faint whir behind him, and immediately knew what it
would be.  "How much?"
     "Ten thousand yen per tape," Nabiki answered from behind the lens
of her camcorder.
     "You're a cruel, heartless woman, Nabiki Tendo."
     Silence.
     "So, how many should I put you down for?  Two?"
     "Better make it three."

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Six

     Night had fallen on the Tendo dojo and, once Happosai had fled for
safety, it was unusally quiet.  No late-night visits from the Kunou
family, no surprise dim sung or okonomiaki deliveries... it was almost
peaceful.  If you discount the way Ranma and Genma wolfed down their
food, anyway.
     "So, Mrs. Natsume," Kasumi asked politely, "how did your meeting
with the Kunous go?"
     Akiko swallowed her mouthful of rice, ignoring the pitched battle
taking place on the other side of the table.  "It could have gone
better.  The elder Kunou is rather... eccentric.  It's difficult to
discuss high-yield microconductors when the other person is talking
about pineapples."
     Ranma snorted.  "Figures.  Nobody who lives in that house is quite
all there, if ya know what I mean."
     "I take it you... know each other, then?"
     "Man, I'll say.  Kunou tries to kill me at least once a week, and
Kodachi thinks she's my fiancee for some warped reason."
     Akiko looked surprised.  "Fiancee?"
     Ranma shrugged, grabbing another bowl of rice.  "It's all in her
head, though.  Like I'd ever even date a stuck-up broad like that."
     "Actually, she's only one of many girls who consider herself
Ranma's intended," Nabiki commented from behind the business section of
the newspaper.  "Isn't that right, Akane?"
     "I don't remember anyone asking you," her sister grated.
     Nabiki looked at her a moment, then put the newspaper aside.  "To
tell the truth," she drawled, "I don't think Ranma's interested in
marrying any of them.  To hear him talk, they're all unfeminine,
violent, antisocial tomboys."  Akane was now in the middle of a slow
burn, and was glaring daggers at her sister.
     "What Ranma really needs," Nabiki continued bithely, "is a nice,
pleasant girl, one that can reform him.  I mean, look at that."  She
pointed - Ranma, now oblivious to the conversation, was using chopsticks
to duel with his father over the last remaining pickle.  "Yep, it'd take
a special kind of girl to balance out those kind of manners."
     Kasumi and Akiko giggled at that; Ranma looked up, the end of a
pickle poking out of his mouth.  "What?"

     Later that night, as the two guests bathed, Ranma and his father
engaged in another training battle over the pond.
     "So, boy, did you ever ask Nuku Nuku if anything had happened
during your fights?"  Genma leapt at his son, and they collided in a
flurry of punches.
     Ranma pushed off, and they both landed, one foot up, at opposite
ends of the pond.  "Oh, and let Akiko know that I left her niece all
alone?  No thanks!"
     "Well, you'd better keep your eyes open."  Leap, crash, land.
"Three different attacks like that in one day spells trouble.  Remember:
once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy
action!"
     "Oh, yeah?"  Leap, crash, land.  "Then why didn't anything happen
to her?"
     "You just don't get it, do you, boy?"  Leap, crash, splash - Genma
had dunked his son once again.  "It doesn't matter why - if something's
trying to get to Nuku Nuku, you are honor bound to defend her, even with
your life."
     A dripping-wet Ranma - now Ranma-chan - pulled herself from the
pond.  "In other words, you don't got no idea either, do you?"
     Genma adjusted his glasses and laughed confidently.  "Not a clue."
     A wave of pond water splashed into him.
     "Stupid old man," Ranma-chan grumbled, and tossed the bucket aside.
"Well, at least you're right about one thing - I gotta figure out what's
goin' on, so I can keep anything from happenin' to her."
     "Oh, really?"
     Ranma-chan looked up, and saw Akane framed in the doorway.  "Sounds
to me like you're getting awfully protective of her."
     She scowled and walked forward, detouring around the panda now
sprawled in the middle of the yard.  "Well, whaddaya want me to do?  Let
her get beat up, or whatever?  It's good to see your opinion of me is
still so high.  Besides, what ever happened to not being jealous?"
     "I'm not!"  Akane angrily threw a kettle of water at Ranma-chan,
who caught it and poured its contents over her head.  "But don't think I
haven't seen this pattern before!"
     He frowned in confusion.  "What pattern?"
     "The one where you end up g-getting another fiancee!"  She turned
away and wiped at her eyes.  "Don't you think that four is enough?"
     Ranma looked at her a while.  *Man... I didn't even do anything
this time, and I get into trouble.*  He stepped forward and put his hand
on her shoulder.  "Akane..."
     "Go away!  Just leave me alone."
     "Hey, I don't know what you're worried about.  I know what pattern
you're talking about, but I don't think it applies here.  Think about
it... Shampoo, Ukyou, Kodachi.  All three of 'em have one thing in common
- they all tried to kill me before declaring their intention to marry
me.  Remember?"
     Akane relaxed a bit.  It was true - Shampoo had given the "Kiss of
Death" to the red-haired girl who had beaten her in combat.  Ukyou had
sworn revenge and dedicated her life to kill the man who had deserted
her so long ago.  And Kodachi just despised Ranma's female form, for
some reason locked up in her insane little mind.  The thought of sweet,
gentle Nuku Nuku being out for Ranma's blood, in either male or female
guise, didn't even warrant consideration.  "I guess you're right."  She
turned around and smiled up at him.  "What about me?  I've never tried
to kill you."
     "You kidding? With all the times you've pounded on me... that
woulda killed any lesser man."  She giggled.  "Besides, it wouldn't feel
normal, having a fiancee that didn't try to beat me up every so often."
     "So... you think we're all violent?"
     "Violent's not even the word!"
     "Maybe *antisocial* fits it better?"
     "Er..."  He started to back up.
     "You probably think I'm an unfeminine tomboy, too!"  She grabbed
the dining room table; the other members of the family quickly removed
the remaining dishes with practiced ease.  "That's it!  Prepare to die,
Ranma!"

     The lack of a proper bed in the Saotome's former room had proved to
be quite an inconvenience... at least for Akiko, who was unaccustomed to
sleeping on futons.  Nuku Nuku, of course, could sleep anywhere and at
any time, and was more than happy to give hers to Akiko.  At the moment,
the cat-girl was seated in front of a small mirror graciously provided
by Kasumi, and was brushing her hair absently.
     "Mama-san?"
     Akiko didn't look up from her financial reports.  "Yes, dear?"
     "What's a fiancee?"
     "Well, when someone is engaged to marry someone else, that other
person is called their fiancee."
     "Oh.  So, you used to be Papa-san's fiancee?"
     "That's right."  She held one of the reports up to the light and
peered at it critically.  "And I can't imagine what I'd been thinking."
She looked over at Nuku Nuku.  "Why do you ask?"
     She shrugged.  "No reason.  I just heard it a lot recently, and I
was curious."
     Akiko smiled slightly.  "Of course you were."  She glanced at her
'niece' slyly.  "How did you enjoy your walk with Ranma-kun?"
     Nuku Nuku giggled.  "It was fun!  We talked a lot, and went
shopping together, and I met a lot of his friends, who all wanted to
play with me!"
     "Is that so?"  Akiko's eyes narrowed slightly.  Probably Ranma's
fiancees.  Well, at least there wasn't much to worry about there...
     The cat-girl nodded.  "But I was careful - they should be okay in a
day or so."
     "That's good."  She watched Nuku Nuku a moment longer, while the
latter continued to brush her hair.  *According to Nabiki, the others
won't be much of a challenge...  though getting her to act ladylike is
another matter.  Still, a little sprucing up wouldn't hurt.*
     She tugged thoughtfully at her earring as she studied the cat-girl.
"You could use a new outfit, Nuku Nuku," she decided.  "Nothing too
fancy, but hardly plain.  Mmm... a dress, I think, with a long skirt.
Not too confining, since you may need to move around in it... slit up
the slides?  No... too bold.  A bit shorter than your school uniform
then."  Nuku Nuku listened to this with half an ear;  she didn't much
care about new clothes, except for the basic feline principle of "more
is good".
     "And shoes to go with it, of course... as for the color, I think a
light blue would suit you."  She released her earring and clasped her
hands under her chin.  "Don't you agree, dear?"
     Nuku Nuku continued to brush her hair.  "If you say so, Mama-san."
     "Don't you want to look nice for Ranma-kun?"
     "I guess so."  She turned around with a happy grin.  "Do you know
who he reminds me of?"
     Akiko blinked.  "Well, let's see."  She didn't know many of the
same people the cat-girl knew.  "Arisa?  One of the boys at school?  Not
Ryunosuke, surely."
     Nuku Nuku smiled and shook her head.
     "Who, then?"
     "Papa-san!"
     "N... nani?"
     "And Akane reminds me of Mama-san!"
     Akiko started in surprise.  *Because they fight all the time,
perhaps?*  "Why do you say that?"
     Nuku Nuku turned back around and finished the last few locks.
"They just do."
     "What a silly thing to say.  Now, come over here and brush my hair,
child."
     "Hai!"

     Outside the window of Ranma's former room, Cologne bounded onto the
ledge and pressed her ear against the wall.  She hadn't been able to
determine much from her position on the neighboring roof; a little
eavesdropping seemed to be in order.  There wasn't much to hear yet,
though - it just sounded like idle chit-chat.  She frowned and listened
more carefully... until she gradually became aware of another person on
the ledge.  She turned, then narrowed her eyes.  "What are you doing
here?"
     "I might ask you the same thing!" Happosai barked.  "This is my
spot!  I was here first!"
     "Oh, really?  Aren't you nervous, being so close to that new girl?
Don't think I didn't catch your little display earlier."
     "I... was just feeling shy.  Thought I'd try being coy for once."
     "Do you expect me to believe that?"
     He leered at her.  "Well, why are you here?  I didn't think spying
on buxom young girls was your style."
     "It is when they might be rivals of Shampoo.  I won't let this one
try to cozy up to *my* son-in-law."
     "What?  You're gonna bump off that gorgeous creature?"  Happosai
clenched his fist.  "Not if I have anything to say about it!"
     She glared at him.  "Don't try to stop me, Happosai.  I don't have
time to deal with you."
     "Oh, yeah?  We'll just see about..."
     "Could you two please keep it down?  Some of us are trying to
listen."
     They turned to look at the newcomer who, while small, still towered
over both of them.  "What are *you* doing here?" they asked in unison.
     Sasuke coughed.  "Well, not that it's any of your concern, but both
Master Kunou and Mistress Kodachi want more information about Miss Nuku
Nuku... for different reasons, of course."  (Memories drifted through
his head as he recalled how the siblings had phrased their orders:
"Sasuke, I must learn more of the wondrous pink-haired lass.  Go to the
Tendo Dojo and then report back to me; I have to defend her from
Saotome's demonic influence."  "Sasuke, I must learn more about that
hideous wretch of a girl.  Go to the Tendo Dojo and then report back to
me; I won't let her dig her claws into my precious Ranma.")  "Anyway,
it's difficult to overhear with you two bickering over there."
     Chastised, Happosai and Cologne resumed their positions against the
wall.  For a while there wasn't much to hear, just the sound of a brush
being run through fairly short hair, then there was a happy giggle.
     "*Now* what is it?"
     "I like this.  I'm glad Mama-san decided to stop trying to kill
me."
     "That... that has nothing to do with you.  I just... felt that so
much conflict would be bad for Ryunosuke's development, that's all."
The other voice only giggled in response.  "Nuku Nuku, dear?  Have you
ever thought about getting married?"
     "Why would I want to do that?"
     There was a pause.  "Well, if you were to fall in love with
someone, and wanted to spend the rest of your life with him..."
     "Oh!  Okay, then I'll marry Ryunosuke!"
     "N... no, that's not what I meant."
     "But Nuku Nuku loves Ryunosuke!  And Papa-san, and Mama-san, and
Yoshimi-chan, and Arisa, and Kyoko, and..."
     "Yes, I know, but... it's not that kind of love I meant."
     "There's more than one kind of love?"
     There was a sigh.  "Never mind, dear.  Eventually you'll find out
for your... ah!  Be careful around those tangles, you infuriating
cat-girl!"
     *Giggle.*  "Gomen ne, Mama-san."
     Cologne's eyes narrowed.  So, that was her secret.

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Seven

     Later that night, a thin, rectangular package drifted down from the
sky toward the dojo, suspended from a small parachute.  It slowly
floated to earth, until a shadow streaked out of the dojo, collected it,
and returned before being spotted.

     The rising sun illuminated the door of the Cat Cafe, as well as the
large CLOSED sign in the window.  Normally the Cafe would be long since
open... but normally, it wouldn't have been used for a war council.
     Three ladies were seated around a table, sipping tea to build up
their strength.  Finally one of them spoke.
     "What you find out, Great-grandmother?"
     Cologne set her tea down.  "You disappoint me, Shampoo.  I would
have thought that you, of all people, would have figured it out."
     Shampoo blinked, and looked at Ukyou, who shrugged.  "What do ya
mean, Cologne?"
     "Think about it, granddaughter - didn't your opponent's fighting
style seem at all familiar?"
     The amazon thought about it.  "Shampoo no think so... not like any
martial arts Shampoo seen."
     Cologne whapped Shampoo in the head with her cane.  "I didn't say
martial arts!  I said fighting style."
     "Oww..."  Shampoo rubbed at her new bump.  "Shampoo no understand."
     "Her fighting style: the way she moved, the way she carried
herself, her strengths, her weaknesses... that, more than the maneuvers
she may know, defines her.  Think!  Go over what happened during the
fight if you have to."
     "Well... Shampoo try smash, but she catch weapons... then made her
fall, but she land on feet... then she dodge almost everything Shampoo
do, until she get mad."
     "Same here," Ukyou added as Cologne looked at her meaningfully, "at
least about the dodging.  That girl was incredibly acrobatic, and
extremely fast.  I only hit her when she was distracted.  You could
almost say she moved like a..."  She stopped suddenly, and looked at
Shampoo.  "...a cat."
     Shampoo pounded her fist into her palm.  "That right!  Shampoo
realize it now - she even act like cat!  Then, that mean..."
     Cologne nodded.  "She's a product of Jusenkyo - in all likelihood,
she's a cat that fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl, just like Ranma."
     Ukyou smiled grimly.  "Yes!  She's gonna be a cinch to beat - all we
have to do is toss some hot water on her, and change her back into a
cat.  Ranma'll take one look, and run for the hills!"
     "Shampoo no see why you so happy.  Everyone here know how hard is
to throw water on someone who no want get wet."
     "Er.  You got a point."
     "If it is the pink-haired demoness you refer to, then you may rely
on the rising star of High School martial-arts gymnastics, Kodachi "the
Black Rose" Kunou, to defeat her!"
     Ukyou groaned.  "Oh, no..."
     "It crazy girl again..." Shampoo noted.
     Indeed, the doors were abruptly swept open and Kodachi entered amid
a swirl of black rose petals.  She gazed imperiously down at Cologne.
"Loyal Sasuke told me you were taking action 'gainst that unholy
she-beast, old woman, and I am here to offer my services."
     "And to eavesdrop on our conversation, no doubt."  Ukyou looked at
her suspiciously.  "Just how much did you overhear?"
     Kodachi laughed.  "I heard everything, mon frere.  And I know
you'll need my skills to spash that wretched creature with one of the
old woman's mystical potions, thus freeing my darling Ranma from her
evil clutches!"  Ukyou rolled her eyes.  She needn't have worried - the
inability of the Kunou family to put two and two together was legendary.
     "Well... I dunno..."
     Shampoo leaned over.  "Shampoo no want work with crazy girl," she
whispered.  "Cat girl not that tough."
     Cologne prodded her in one of the remaining bandages; she winced.
"Tough enough to do this, at least.  And if nothing else, we can use her
as a decoy."
     "I guess it couldn't hurt."  Ukyou looked up.  "Okay, Kodachi -
you're in."
     "But of course!  Believe you me, that monster will rue the day she
met the rising star of High School..."
     "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've heard it all before."  Kodachi pouted and
looked annoyed that her speech had been interrupted.  Ukyou continued.
"So, what's first on the game plan, Cologne?"
     "I overheard that they're planning a picnic in the park this
morning.  That should be your best chance to defeat her."
     The girls nodded and began to discuss tactics, while Cologne
watched them solemnly.  *But first,* she decided, *I believe there's one
stop I need to make...*

     Akiko calmly walked toward the marketplace during the first hours
of morning, to make a few final purchases for the picnic.  She bore a
slight smile on her face as she accepted a mental pat on the back.  Nuku
Nuku's new dress was stunning, and the look on Ranma-kun's face when the
cat-girl descended the staircase wearing it was more than gratifying.
Nuku Nuku had taken a lot of coaching, but with any luck she would be
able to attract Ranma's attention without even trying.  After Akiko had
had her meeting with the elder Kunou she'd had doubts that the weekend
would be at all profitable, but now...
     Her pace slowed suddenly as she saw an odd figure before her.  It
seemed to be an old, extremely wizened woman, almost like a female
version of that little man Nuku Nuku had been chasing the previous
night.  She - if it was a she - was wearing a green dress and had white
hair that would have reached to the ground if the woman weren't balanced
atop a gnarled cane in the middle of the sidewalk.  She was watching
Akiko with a motionless, disconcerting stare.
     Akiko returned the gaze unflinchingly for a moment, then stepped
around the woman and continued on.  Before she had taken ten steps,
however, the old woman had bounded into her path once again.  Akiko
scowled down at her;  the woman merely watched her impassively.
     "If you have business with me," Akiko announced, "you'd best get on
with it.  My time is valuable."
     The old woman was quiet a moment longer, almost mocking the
businesswoman in her silence.  When she spoke, it was with a remarkably
smooth voice - Akiko had been expecting a quavering croak.  "You have to
leave Nerima.  Now."  Akiko stared at her, clearly taken aback.  "You'll
be in danger if you stay."
     Akiko regained her composure with a bit of difficulty.  "I'm not
afraid of a little danger."  She continued down the sidewalk.  "And I
have no intention of leaving until my business here is concluded."
     "I know you aren't the pink-haired girl's aunt," the woman called;
Akiko stopped in her tracks.  "Or her mother, though she may call you
'Mama-san'."
     She turned to face the woman.  "Nani?"
     The old woman smiled unpleasantly.  "I've figured out her secret,
you see."
     An expression of surprise passed over Akiko's face.  *Masaka... she
couldn't possibly know...*
     The woman approached Akiko, bounding toward her atop the cane.
"It's curious... the girl seems to have no romantic interest in Ranma,
for obvious reasons... yet you seem to be throwing them at each other.
Why is that?"
     The businesswoman crossed her arms.  "That is no concern of yours.
What is Ranma to you?"  She smirked.  "You don't seem to be his type."
     "My granddaughter is his fiancee - his only *real* fiancee.  I
won't let the girl interfere with that, and if that means disposing of
you..."  Cologne stretched out one hand and touched a nearby wall; it
exploded, falling into irregular patterns on the sidewalk.  "...so be
it."
     Akiko merely returned her gaze serenely.  The ancient amazon was
impressed despite herself - this one had a remarkably strong will.
(Having an orbital laser satellite aimed at your head tends to inure you
to further shocks.)  "Ah, so it's to be threats, is it?"
     "If necessary."
     There was a dangerous glint in Akiko's eyes.  "I've never bowed
down to threats... and I don't intend to begin now."  Her hand, moving
in a blur, darted up to her earring and activated a hidden switch.
"Kyoko!  Arisa!"
     Nothing happened for a moment... then a faint whir was heard in the
distance, growing louder by the moment.  The dust and gravel on the
ground, remnants of the former wall, were swept up in a sudden wind, and
a shadow passed over the sun.  Cologne looked upwards, to see a plane of
some kind, with rotary engines and missile ports in prominent display,
descending slowly toward street level.
     Akiko remained where she was, her hair and clothes rippling in the
winds generated by the plane's engines.  "Behold POISON SEVEN, the
culmination of years of military technological research!  It can hold
off an army, old woman - it won't have a problem with you."
     Cologne leapt into the air, speeding toward the combat jet.  "I'm
not afraid of your toys!"  She twisted her cane around until its point
was traveling directly toward a specific point on the plane, the point
that Cologne's senses told her would be its breaking point.
     The cane struck home, and time seemed to stop for an instant.
     The old woman dropped to the ground, then turned to face Akiko.
"You see?  I'm not impressed by..."  She paused as she realized
something - the younger woman was smiling at her.  She whirled around,
and gasped.
     POISON SEVEN was still intact.
     "I... impossible!"
     Akiko laughed.  "Foolish crone! This isn't some flimsy antique
you're dealing with here!"  As she spoke, the merest sliver of armor
fell to the ground from where Cologne had struck it.  "All of our
weapons are built using the very latest techniques, and are tested in
only the most rigorous of conditions!"
     Cologne stared at her.  "You... you don't mean..."
     The businesswoman nodded smugly.  "They are used in actual combat
situations... against Nuku Nuku.  For the past two years, I've thrown
every weapon Mishima makes against the cat-girl, and I'd be a fool if I
didn't learn something from the experience, ne?"  She gestured, and the
jet rose back up into the sky.
     "It can't protect you forever."
     "Perhaps not," Akiko admitted.  "However... did you perhaps notice
the two women piloting it?  Kyoko and Arisa, two of my oldest friends.
Arisa tends to be...  enthusiastic, when it comes to making things
explode.  If anything were to happen to me, you'd not only have to deal
with a distraught Nuku Nuku, but POISON SEVEN as well.  I'd hate to
think what would happen to this town if they were both unleashed
simultaneously."  She walked away from Cologne, never looking back.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have taiyaki to buy."
     The ancient amazon watched her leave, eyes narrowed.

     "Itadakimasu!"
     The picnic had grown from a simple outing to a full-blown feast.
When the members of the Tendo/Saotome household had reached the park,
they had been greeted by a pile of food that reached truly epic
proportions, set out on a hill that overlooked a large lake.  Dishes and
treats of every description had been laid out for them, causing Ranma
and his father to drool in anticipation.  Two women, dressed in pink
uniform-like suits, stood next to the table; Arisa introduced them as
Kyoko and Arisa, and greetings were exchanged.
     It didn't take long after everyone had sat down for visitors to
show up.  Ryoga was first ("I'm just here to keep an eye on Ranma," he
claimed around a mouthful of food), followed closely by Mousse ("Same
here.  Could you pass the squid?").  A battle to grab the most food
quickly escalated between them, Ranma, and Genma, and one side of the
table quickly became a war zone.  Akiko had to forcibly restrain Nuku
Nuku from joining in.
     However, a short distance away, another battle was being planned...
     "Have you got those kettles boiling yet?"  Ukyou hissed.
     Shampoo, kneeling over a small campfire, nodded.  "Almost.  They be
ready soon."
     "Good."  She peered over the edge of the bushes.  "Where the heck
is Kodachi?  I knew we couldn't trust her to..."
     "Fear not, mon frere! I, Koda..."
     "SHHHH!"  In an instant, Shampoo and Ukyou had clamped their hands
over Kodachi's mouth and pulled her down.  Nuku Nuku looked up for a
moment, then shrugged and returned to her conversation with Akane.
     "You want cat girl find us?"  Shampoo glared at Kodachi.
     "Very well, you've made your point.  I *can* be discreet if
necessary, you know."
     "Yeah, sure you can."  Ukyou glanced through the branches - it
looked safe.  "Did you bring it?"
     Kodachi held up a burlap sack.  "A distasteful task, I might add."
     "It'll be worth it, trust me.  Shampoo?"
     "Water is..."  She glanced at Kodachi.  "Shampoo mean, special
potion is ready."
     "Right.  Just a couple more minutes..."

     "It's not fair!"  Arisa raged.  "After all that talk about how
loyal we are, after finding a dress for the cat-girl, after setting up
that feast, we don't even get any!"
     Akiko's assistants, once introductions were over, had been gently
but firmly pushed aside to make room for everyone else.  They were now
sitting under a stand of trees a short distance away from the main
table.  Rather, one was sitting; the other was pacing angrily.
     Kyoko sighed and turned a page of her magazine.  "That's Our Lady
for you.  We'll probably even get our pay docked for just sitting here."
     "But... she ordered us to!"
     Her partner just gave her a "so what?" look.
     Arisa glared at the picnickers and clenched her fist.  "And the
wretched cat-girl is sitting at the place of honor at Our Lady's side.
I won't stand for this!  I won't!"
     "Fine.  Go complain to Lady Akiko.  She'll probably bring up the
billion yen in damages we still owe her for destroying her restaurant,
remember?  At least she didn't bill the loss of her space shuttle
against us..."  Grimacing at the memory, Arisa sat down next to Kyoko
and crossed her arms.  Her partner noticed her bleak expression.  "Oh,
don't sulk.  Our Lady told us to keep an eye out for trouble, ne?"  She
patted the crate they were sitting on.  "If we're lucky, we'll get to
use the cat-girl for target practice."
     Arisa brightened up.  That was certainly something to hope for.

     "Okay, just a moment longer..."
     "Wait - what of the two dallying in yonder grove?"
     "Shampoo been watching them - they look harmless."
     "Well, keep an eye on 'em, anyway.  Ready?"
     "Shampoo ready!"
     "And I, as well."
     "All right, then - deploy our secret weapon!"
     Kodachi upended the bag and shook it out.  A tiny old man fell to
the ground; he was tied head to foot, and was struggling against his
bonds.
     He was also wearing a mouse costume.
     Ukyou knelt and cut the ropes with one of her throwing spatulas; in
an instant, Happosai had bounded to his feet.  "What's the big idea?!
Whadja dress me up like this for?"  He started to pull the costume off.
     Shampoo smiled sweetly.  "But Happosai look so cute in mouse suit!"
     His eyes grew hugely, and glistened.  "You... you really think so?"
     "That's right," Ukyou agreed, "and in fact, we know a certain young
lady who'll be really interested in you, if you wear it."
     "Really?"  He hopped up and down in excitement.  "Where is she?
Where is she?"
     "Are you sure?  She may not be your type..."
     "All attractive women are my type!  I demand that you introduce
us!"
     "Well, okay, but remember..."
     A moment later, Happosai was propelled from the bushes by a
triple-kick.  A trio of feminine voices shouted in unison: "YOU ASKED
FOR IT!"
     Unperturbed, Happosai sailed through the air, arms thrown wide.
"Come to me, my... AAAAAAH!"
     "Meow!"
     Happosai tried to backpedal in midair, and somehow managed to evade
Nuku Nuku's grasp.  He landed on her head for a moment, then rebounded
off and ran for his very life, the cat-girl in hot pursuit.
     Genma leaned forward.  "Go, Nuku Nuku!  Get him!"
     Soun joined his friend.  "Teach the Master a lesson!"
     Nabiki sipped some soda.  "And me without my camcorder."
     Fleeing in terror, Happosai inadvertently led Nuku Nuku back the
way he came.  "Stop it, Nuku Nuku!"  Akiko shouted.  "Come back here and
sit down!"  The cat-girl wasn't paying attention, however, and chased
the tiny martial artist with a gleeful expression.  Akiko gritted her
teeth in frustration.  *So much for acting like a lady...*
     Nuku Nuku chased her prey past a particular bush... out of which
burst three familiar forms.  The cat-girl instinctively jumped to one
side, her pursuit forgotten.  "You three again!"
     "That right!" Shampoo gloated.  "We work together now!"
     Ukyou brandished her giant spatula.  "Yeah, and we know your
weakness, too!"
     With a laugh, Kodachi twirled a kettle around her finger by the
handle.  "Prepare to be vanquished, thou hideous creature!"
     "Eh?!"
     A massive brawl erupted, the three former rivals acting in
(imperfect) harmony to destroy the innocent cat-girl.  While Nuku Nuku
managed to dodge most of the attacks, some still got through, and were
beginning to take their toll on her.
     "So it was them all along," Akane noted with surprise.
     "I shoulda known!"  Ranma snarled.  "But what are they doin' with
those kettles?  Nuku Nuku wasn't cursed by Jusenkyo!"  He stopped, and
looked at Akiko.  "...was she?"  She returned his gaze blankly.  "Well,
I ain't gonna let 'em hurt her either way!"  He jumped to his feet...
only to be tackled by Ryoga.
     "Oh, no you don't," he growled, with a deathgrip around Ranma's
ankle.  "You're gonna sit riiight here with Akane and eat.  Doesn't that
sound like..."  He elbowed his rival in the stomach.  "...FUN?!"
     Ranma ignored the strike and pulled Ryoga in close.  "What's your
problem, moron?" he whispered angrily.
     "If you wanna flirt with other girls, break up with Akane first.
It's the only honorable thing to do."
     "I'm not flirting with...!"
     "Don't talk with your mouth full!"  Ryoga grabbed a handful of dim
sung and crammed them into Ranma's mouth.

     Nuku Nuku was having a bit of trouble.  She wasn't used to group
hand-to-hand combat, having dealt with either firearms or single
opponent fights.  She could dodge one attack and block another, but the
third had a good chance of slipping past her defenses, and while she was
considerably tougher than a normal girl, her opponents were pretty
strong themselves.  She found herself backing up under their combined
assault.
     Akiko whirled to her assistants.  "Arisa!  Kyoko!"
     They immediately stood to attention.  "Yes, My Lady!"
     "Deal with those gatecrashers."  She noted the look of unholy glee
on Arisa's face, and quickly amended that.  "Mercy rounds only."
     "Aww..."
     Nuku Nuku leapt out of the way of Ukyou's spatula, only to have her
leg snagged by Kodachi's ribbon.  She hit the ground with a yelp of
surprise, and sat up painfully.  "Why are you doing this?  Nuku Nuku
never did anything to you!"
     Kodachi just laughed and tugged on the ribbon.  "You should have
listened to me, little brat.  I warned you of the consequences if you
dared get between me and my daaaaarling Ranma."  She laughed again, one
of her trademark non-stop cascades of laughter.
     A sharp crack sounded behind her, followed by a high-pitched
whistling noise.  As she turned in surprise, a small metal pellet burst
in midair as it sped toward her, forming into a net made of thin but
strong wires.  She struggled to free herself, until a wave of
electricity surged through the net.  Kodachi fell to the ground, her
gymnastics uniform smouldering.
     "Nice shot!" Kyoko said admiringly.
     "Not really," Arisa snarled as she slammed another round into the
oddly-shaped rifle she carried, "I was aiming for the cat-girl."
     Kyoko peered through the sight on her missile launcher.  "Well,
this should take care of it, one way or the other."
     "That's not catnip, is it?"
     "Oh, give me a little credit."  She glanced at her partner, then
returned her eye to the sight.  "I never make the same mistake...
YEEEEEEEE!"
     "Howdy, ladies!"  To Kyoko, it looked like a huge, misshapen rat
was peering back at her.  "You may not be young, but I like mature
women!  Whaddaya say we go out for a drink or seven?"
     Kyoko recoiled, and her finger reflexively pulled the trigger; as
Happosai was draped over the end of the launcher, the missile exploded
immediately, filling the area with a choking cloud of noisome gas.
     Akiko turned at the explosion to see her assistants crawl out of
the gas cloud.  She scowled, then looked around - the fight had moved on
deeper into the park.  She stood up.  "I should go see how Nuku Nuku is
doing," she announced.
     "I'll go with you," Ranma said, and quickly leapt out of Ryoga's
reach, disappearing over the hill.
     "Ranma!"  Ryoga chased after him.  "Get back here and have some
more oden, or I'll break your kneecaps!"
     Mousse followed them both.  "Get away from Shampoo, Ranma!"  He
paused, ran back, and bowed.  "Uh, thanks for the food."  He ran off
again.  "I'll kill you, Ranma!"

     Meanwhile, Nuku Nuku had been able to recover somewhat, and was now
standing near the lake shore, facing Shampoo and... and...
     Where was the other one?
     She whirled around, but too late - Ukyou had already leapt out of a
tree toward her.  The cook grabbed Nuku Nuku's arms from behind, and
lifted her slightly; the lack of leverage kept Nuku Nuku from
immediately breaking the hold.
     Shampoo smiled wickedly and produced the kettle.  "Now, fight
finished!"  She quickly moved forward and poured the water over the
hapless cat-girl.  The kettle emptied, and Shampoo sneered triumphantly
down at...
     ...A dripping wet young girl.
     Ukyou stared as the last few drops poured from the kettle.  It was
hot water, she could feel it - why didn't it work?
     The amazon was equally shocked, but recovered.  "No matter if not
work.  Shampoo kill you anyway!  You no can..."
     Shampoo stopped as she noticed a new expression pass over Nuku
Nuku's features.  "You ruined it."  She strained her arms, and Ukyou
suddenly found it very difficult to hold on.  With a grunt of effort she
maintained her grasp, but it was a losing battle.  "You ruined the new
dress Mama-san bought me!  Nuku Nuku is through playing!"  Shampoo took
a few steps back, remembering what the cat-girl was like when angry.
     "I can't hold her much longer!"
     "Get rid of her!  She real tough when mad!"
     "Well, whaddaya expect *me* to do about it?!"
     Shampoo cast about, then picked up Ukyou's giant spatula.  "Throw in
air!"
     "Roger!"  With a mighty heave, the cook tossed Nuku Nuku several
feet into the air, then rolled out of the way.  The cat-girl soon
reached the top of her arc and began to descend... but was met half-way
as Shampoo swung the spatula like a baseball bat, sending a stunned Nuku
Nuku flying out over the lake.  She struck the water with a solid thunk
and quickly dropped out of sight.
     Ukyou got up.  "Well, now what?"
     "Shampoo no know.  Have ask great-grandmother about..."
     "What've you two done with her?!"  They turned to see an angry
Ranma glaring at them, fists clenched.  "If you've hurt her..."
     "Oh, simmer down, Ranma-honey.  We sent her into the lake - she'll
be fine.  More's the pity."
     "What is *wrong* with you two?  Am I not allowed to make new
friends with you around?"
     "Friend, yes."  Shampoo looked away imperiously.  "But not
fiancee."
     "She is NOT my..."
     "Nuku Nuku!"  Akiko arrived, looking slightly winded; Ryoga and
Mousse appeared shortly thereafter.  "Wh... where is she?"
     "These two..."  Ranma growled, but couldn't bring himself to
complete the sentence.  "They threw her into the lake."  He faced them
again.  "I don't want either of you bothering..."
     "No!"  Akiko gasped and raced for the water.  "Nuku Nuku!"
     "Wait, stop!"  Ryoga caught her and pulled her back.  "The lake
drops off pretty steep here."
     Ranma frowned and turned to her; Ukyou and Shampoo used this
opportunity to run for safety.  "What's wrong?"
     Akiko looked at him with genuine panic in her face - it was the
first time Ranma had seen her expressing her true emotions.  "Nuku Nuku
can't swim!  She'll drown!"
     Everyone gasped, and Akiko wrenched herself from Ryoga's grasp.
"Please, someone save her!"  She looked at Ryoga and Mousse desperately;
they gritted their teeth in frustration, but couldn't meet her gaze.
When she saw that they wouldn't help, she turned to face the lake.
Akiko doubted she'd be able to lift Nuku Nuku to the surface, but she
had to...
     "I'll go."
     The others turned, and saw Ranma kicking his shoes off.  "You sure
about that?"  Mousse asked.  "What about...?"
     "Who cares about that?!" Ranma raged.  "It's not worth letting
someone die to keep a secret!"  With that, he dived into the rippled
surface of the lake, and quickly disappeared from view.
     Akiko straightened up and glared at the others with a cold,
merciless, unforgiving gaze.  "There, at least," she proclaimed
haughtily, "goes a *real* man."
     Ryoga flinched away from her stare.  "Lady, you don't know the half
of it."

     Nuku Nuku took stock of her situation.  The force caused from
hitting the lake had driven the air from her lungs, she was still
feeling a bit disoriented, and the mud around her feet was too thick,
preventing her from jumping to the surface.  While her body was
mechanical, her brain still required oxygen to function - there was only
so much time left before... before...
     She struggled, desperately trying to free herself, but her will to
fight was draining.  The waters around her seemed to be growing darker
and darker...
     Then a slim figure darted through the water and grabbed her wrist.
She looked up, and saw a familiar form above her.  Familiar, but
slightly different...
     The figure pulled, seemed surprised by Nuku Nuku's weight for a
moment, then doubled its efforts and extracted her from the mud.  Her
rescuer swam upwards quickly, dragging the cat-girl along behind.

     A splash attracted Akiko's attention, and she scanned the lake
until she saw two figures pulling themselves out onto a short pier.  She
rushed over, Mousse and Ryoga following close behind.  "Ranma-kun!  You
did it!  You... you..."  She ground to a halt as she stared at the
figure sitting next to a gasping Nuku Nuku.  This new person wore the
same clothes as Ranma had, but was smaller, had cherry-red hair... and
was most definitely female.  "Who... who are..."
     The girl sighed and looked away, her expression tinged with shame.
"I... I'm..."
     "Ranma-kun!"  Nuku Nuku threw her arms around the girl's neck and
sobbed uncontrollably.
     Akiko raised her fingers to her mouth in shock.  "Ranma?"
     Ranma-chan gave a little embarrassed laugh.  "Sorry about this."

     "I don't get it.  I just don't get it!"  Ukyou stalked across the
Cat Cafe, gesturing angrily.  "I thought you said she was a cat, old
woman!"
     Cologne frowned thoughtfully into her tea.  "The evidence did seem
to suggest that.  And the girl does have some secret - I'm sure of it."
     "Well, fat lot of good that does us.  I stayed long enough to catch
Ranma's little act of heroics - she'll be gone on him for sure now."
     "No complain, spatula girl," Shampoo quipped from her perch atop
the counter.  She gestured idly to the crumpled heap of Kodachi left by
the door.  "We almost beat her this time, even without crazy girl.  We
get next time for sure."
     Ukyou shook her head.  "Ranma's wise to us now.  We try anything,
he'll stop us.  And Akane was sure acting friendly with her, too.  What
we need is an advantage of some kind."
     As if on cue, the door slid open into bright sunlight, and a young
girl walked in, her features indistinct in the relatively dim light of
the Cafe.  Shampoo looked over.  "Sorry - we closed now.  Come back
later."
     The girl ignored her and glanced around idly.  "I was watching your
fight with the cat-girl earlier," she said.
     Ukyou exchanged glances with Shampoo and Cologne.  "You know Nuku
Nuku?"
     "You... could say that."  She moved forward, revealing a small but
generous figure, blonde hair, and large, maroon eyes.  "I think you and
I need to talk."
     "What about?"
     "Why, the utter destruction of that nauseating cat-girl, what
else?"  And the girl began to laugh: a laugh that filled the Cat Cafe, a
laugh that put even Kodachi's to shame.

-=-=-=-=-

Chapter Eight

     Akiko remained pretty much stunned until the remains of the picnic
had been moved back to the dojo.  Although Nuku Nuku didn't seem
terribly disturbed by Ranma's transformation, the businesswoman was
speechless, and had to be carefully led home.  The other visitors to the
picnic accompanied them, though Ryoga wandered off and got lost halfway.
     Once there, the specifics of Ranma's curse were explained...
slowly.  Akiko listened skeptically, though she couldn't deny the
evidence of her own eyes.  "So, when Ranma gets doused with hot or cold
water, he changes form?"
     Genma pushed his glasses up on his nose.  "Such is the power of
Jusenkyo."
     "I see."  That... changed things.
     Nuku Nuku, in the meantime, had completely recovered from the
psychological trauma of her ordeal (in about three minutes - long-term
angst wasn't part of her character) and had listened to the story with
wide eyes.  She couldn't grasp most of it, but the basic principle did
manage to filter through:
     In a dojo, people changed forms when they got wet.
     As she slipped noiselessly out toward the pool, Akiko looked
Ranma-chan over critically.  "It's curious that, even knowing this,
those girls fought so fiercely over you."
     "Hey, it ain't like I'm a freak of nature or nothin'!"  She smacked
her father.  "It was his stupid idea to train there, anyway!"
     Akiko shook her head.  "That's not what I meant.  Surely, such a...
condition would cause many problems in any relationship."  Akane was
oddly quiet at this point.
     Genma leaned forward.  "You have to understand.  The gift of the
Jusenkyo springs is as much of a blessing as a curse.  With access to
the female side of his nature, Ranma can morr hurr hoo arr!"
     He stopped as he realized Akiko was staring at him, then looked
down at his massive, black-furred paws.  He turned his head, and saw
Nuku Nuku, grinning happily, holding a now-empty bucket.  She giggled.
"Panda-san!"  She threw her arms around him and snuggled close, sending
Soun into another catatonic episode.
     Ranma-chan shook her head.  "It ain't like I'm the only one around
here who got cursed, either.  You'd be surprised."
     "And those girls don't mind?"
     While Ranma-chan considered this, Nuku Nuku hopped up and raced
back outside.  This was fun!
     "Well, Kodachi doesn't know - actually, she's too dense to figure
it out, even with all the hints she gets.  Ukyou thinks it's kinda
entertaining.  And Shampoo's cursed herself, so she doesn't mind."
     Mousse sneered at her.  "And at least *she* doesn't run away
screaming when *you* change."
     "Shut up, you half-blind moron!"
     Akiko blinked.  "Nani?"
     Mousse posed dramatically.  "Allow me to explain.  You see, the
courageous and powerful Ranma is afraid of QUAAAAACK!"
     Nuku Nuku giggled and scampered off in search of more water.
     The mallard struggled out of the robes that were suddenly too big
for him, and glared at Ranma balefully behind inch-thick glasses.  She
grinned and poked him with a fork.  "Whassa matter, ducky-wucky?  Were
you saying something?"  He quacked in outrage and bit the fork in two.
     "What does this Shampoo girl turn into, Ranma-kun?  Uh,
Ranma-chan?"
     "Oh, nothing important.  Really."
     "I see."  Behind her, Mousse the duck was trying to do an
impression of a cat, and failing miserably.  "Well, for one so young,
you've certainly collected an impressive array of followers,
Ranma-chan."
     "Wasn't my idea," Ranma-chan groused.  "I didn't ask for one
fiancee, let alone four."
     Akiko frowned in thought for a moment.  Meanwhile, Nuku Nuku had
slowly crept up behind Nabiki, bucket at the ready... until the doorbell
rang.  She smiled happily.  "I'll get it!"
     As the cat-girl scurried off to the front door, Akiko peered at the
red-head.  "Only three girls were fighting with Nuku Nuku.  There's
another?"
     "Uh... well..."  She looked at Akane, who looked away.  Akiko
turned her head, moving her gaze from one girl to the other, and
realization filled her.  *So ka... I understand now.*
     In the sudden silence, the door could be heard opening.  There was
a splash, followed by a brief scream, then a giggle and the sound of
running feet.  Shortly thereafter a small black piglet, dripping wet and
wearing a bandanna, trudged into the living room, looking annoyed.
     Ranma-chan glanced over.  "Oh.  It's the pig."
     "P-chan!"  Akane held out her hands, and the piglet bounded over to
her.  She giggled and hugged him close.  "Aw, did Nuku Nuku splash you?
Well, don't worry - she didn't mean anything by it."
     Akiko smiled slightly.  "She does tend to get carried away.  She's
a wonderful girl, though.  I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wonder
what I'd do without her."
     From elsewhere in the house, Nuku Nuku could be heard on her quest
for a new victim... er, playmate.  "Kasumi-chan!"
     "Oh, hello, dear.  Would you like some of this left over fish
cake?"
     "Honto?! Arigato!"
     Akiko stood up and brushed herself off.  "Well, I believe it's time
that we returned home."
     "So soon?"  Akane looked genuinely disappointed.
     The businesswoman nodded, as Nuku Nuku wandered in, gorging happily
on leftovers.  "Hai.  We've imposed on your hospitality long enough."
     "Oh, you haven't imposed at all!  Right, dad?"  She waved a hand in
front of Soun's face.  "Dad?"
     The panda held up a sign.  < Out cold. >
     Nuku Nuku peered closely at him, then poured some water over his
head.  When he failed to change, she decided he needed more water.  She
hopped out the back door.
     "Well, anyway," Ranma-chan said, "we'll be sorry to see you go."
     "You'll be sorry to see the food go, you mean," Nabiki translated.
     Akane giggled.  "You're welcome to come back and visit any time you
want, Mrs. Natsume."
     Akiko returned the smile.  "I'll try to fit it into my schedule.
And please, call me Akiko."
     Nuku Nuku returned and emptied another bucket over Soun.  He still
didn't change into anything.  It was obvious that she needed drastic
measures; she picked him up and carried him effortlessly out to the
pool.
     Ranma-chan watched her dunk Soun up to his neck.  "Y'know, that's
one thing I've haven't figured out.  How come Nuku Nuku's such a tough
fighter?  She's pretty fast and strong, but she doesn't seem to know
much martial arts."
     Akane nodded.  "Yeah, I noticed that, too."
     "Well, I suppose it's only fair to enlighten you on that score."
Akiko looked outside.  "Nuku Nuku!"
     "Hai!"  She bounded in.  "What is it, Mama-san?"
     "Sit down, dear."  Nuku Nuku obediently sat at the table, while
Ranma and the others watched curiously.  Akiko stepped behind her, then
tapped her lightly on the top of her head.  "Ears up."
     "Meow."  With a hiss of compressed air, two yellow flaps unfolded
from within Nuku Nuku's hair and clicked into position, protruding at an
angle.
     Everyone stared, and Ranma-chan's eyes began to bulge.

     "She's an ANDROID?!"
     "Hai."  The newcomer sipped delicately at her tea while Ukyou and
Shampoo exchanged disbelieving glances.
     "Look, um... What did you say your name was again?"
     "Yoshikawa Eimi."
     "Right.  Look, Eimi... do you *really* expect us to believe that?"
     She shrugged.  "It doesn't really matter to me what you believe.
If you're smart, though, you'll listen."
     "Well, we've seen a lot around here, but we've *never* seen
androids."
     Eimi took another sip.  "Well, now you have.  I'm an android too."
     Cologne narrowed her eyes as she looked at the girl.  "You look
human enough to me.  How do we know you're telling the truth?"
     "That right!  You give proof, or Shampoo no believe."
     The girl gave them a direct stare, then set her tea down.  "There
are two ways I can prove I'm an android.  The first one..."  She
scowled.  "...I'm not going to show you.  And the second one is pretty
painful."
     Ukyou snorted derisively.  "Yeah, yeah.  Afraid of a little pain,
are you?"
     "I didn't say painful for *me*."
     "Oh."  She looked at Shampoo, and they nodded in unison.  Moving as
one, they pulled Kodachi to her feet; the gymnast was awake, but none
too stable.
     They pointed her in Eimi's direction.  "Look," Ukyou whispered,
"It's the red-haired girl!"
     "She try take Ranma away from you!" Shampoo added.
     "Wretched... beast!"  Kodachi swayed unsteadily toward Eimi.  "I'll
make sure you..."  As the gymnast lurched into range, Eimi casually
reached out and grabbed her wrist; waves of blue electricity abruptly
surged through their bodies, and for the second time that day Kodachi
dropped into a smouldering heap.
     "So," Eimi smirked, "do you believe me now?"
     "Mmm... not really," Ukyou decided.  "But anyone who'd fry Kodachi
is okay in my book."
     Shampoo nodded.  "So, how you think you help us?"
     Eimi seemed a bit taken aback at their bored acceptance of her
demonstration, but shrugged it off.  "Trust me - I have just the things
to give you the edge over Nuku Nuku.  Here's what we'll do..."

     Akiko carefully repacked her suitcase in preparation to return
home.  The weekend hadn't been a total loss, she decided - though her
deal with the Kunou estate had fallen through, she had learned a few
things about Nuku Nuku she wouldn't have realized without spending this
time with her.  Perhaps next time, she'd...
     "That was a pretty impressive act down there."
     She turned and blinked.  "Nabiki-chan?"
     The middle Tendo daughter was leaning idly against the door frame.
"I'm sure you managed to distract them, but trust me, that's not
difficult.  They'll all believe you, and won't have a clue what you were
really up to."
     Akiko briefly considered denying the charge, but immediately
rejected the notion.  She smiled slightly and crossed her arms.  "And
what would that be?"
     Nabiki shrugged, and wandered over to the window.  Below, Ranma had
decided that, while Nuku Nuku had a cat's brain, she still looked human,
and so wasn't afraid of her.  Now he and the android were sparring over
the reflecting pool (Ranma, of course, having stayed in his girl-form),
and Ranma was actually doing quite well.  As for Nuku Nuku, she was
having the time of her life.
     "It wasn't difficult to figure out," Nabiki noted.  "I mean, you're
used to the best of the best - you wouldn't have volunteered to stay in
our 'humble home' without a good reason.  Then you kept manipulating
Ranma so that he would spend time with Nuku Nuku, and you looked
positively stunned when the subject of Ranma's fiancees came up.  The
rest was elementary, my dear Natsume - you've been trying to get those
two engaged."
     Akiko joined her at the window.  "I suppose it's my turn to be
impressed."
     "The only thing I don't understand is why you did it.  She seems
perfectly happy, even without a significant other."
     "Nuku Nuku is a simple girl, with simple needs."  Akiko smiled
again as she watched the cat-girl leap and catch Ranma-chan around the
waist, the two of them rolling end over end until slamming into a tree.
"She doesn't want much for herself.  I didn't do this for her sake - I
did it for my son's."
     Nabiki frowned.  "Your son?"
     "As the heir apparent of Mishima Heavy Industries, Ryunosuke has a
certain image to maintain.  Nuku Nuku considers herself to be his
bodyguard - which is all right, as he's only ten years old.  However,
she won't age, and he won't be ten forever."
     "And having him as a teenager running around with a beautiful young
woman won't do much for his reputation."
     Akiko nodded.  "She's too honest to maintain a ruse for long.  No,
the only way to avoid scandal is to find her a husband - whether she
wants one or not."
     "Okay, but why here?  I mean, I know what guys like - I'm sure
she's got swarms of would-be suitors.  Why bring her all the way to
Nerima?"
     "I'd heard that the Kunou familiy had a son of eligible age, and a
man of status would be a much better match for her - originally I'd
brought Nuku Nuku along, to see if she would take an interest in him.
However, it turned out that he was... unsuitable."
     Nabiki smiled a secret smile.  "Oh, Kunou does have a few redeeming
features..."
     Akiko raised an eyebrow.  "The fact that he has money?"
     "No... the fact that he has *lots* of money.  Anyway, you were
saying?"
     "Well, I had decided to give it another try, until Nuku Nuku saved
Ranma.  Such an act is often a catalyst for... an emotional bond, let's
say.  I'd hoped that their time together would let it grow into
something more, but..."  She shrugged.
     Leaning against the windowsill, Nabiki looked outside.  "Too bad
your trip here turned out to be wasted."
     Akiko smiled and nodded down to where Nuku Nuku and Ranma were now
throwing things at each other - tables, bird baths, a certain giant
panda...  "She doesn't think so.  Nuku Nuku likes nothing better than to
meet new friends."
     "I meant for you."
     "That's true, I suppose.  Really, I should have realized that Ranma
was unsuitable earlier than this."
     "Well, it's not like it's immediately obvious that he turns into a
girl..."
     Akiko shook her head.  "That's not what I meant.  Ranma's condition
might be... tolerable, if Nuku Nuku became interested in him."
     Nabiki looked puzzled.  "So, what do..."
     "It was something Nuku Nuku said.  She told me that Akane and Ranma
reminded her of me and my husband.  At first I didn't realize what she
meant, but I worked it out when I heard they were engaged."  Below them,
the two fiancees were arguing again, with the cat-girl joining in in her
own special way.  "They love each other, don't they?"
     And Nabiki smiled.  "Yeah.  Yeah, they do.  You'd have a tough time
getting either of them to admit it... but they do love each other."
     "When I realized that, I knew it was hopeless.  Nuku Nuku may seem
careless at times, but I trust her heart implicitly.  She sensed the
love between them - she won't interfere with that, no matter what I do."
     They were silent for a moment, then Akiko returned to her suitcase
and closed it up.  Nabiki followed.  "Well, feel free to come back
anytime."
     "Thank you, I will."  She extended her hand; though a bit confused
by the Occidental gesture, Nabiki shook it, and was left holding a
business card.  She looked at Akiko curiously.  "Give me a call in a few
years," Akiko told her.  "I could use someone with your obvious
financial skills."
     Nabiki gave a slight smile as Akiko lifted her suitcase and headed
out of the room.  Not a bad idea... though until then, the pictures she
took of Nuku Nuku would supplement her income quite nicely.

     Ranma poured the hot water over her head, then tossed the kettle
aside.  "That wasn't a bad little workout," he decided.
     "Mmm!"  Nuku Nuku nodded in agreement.  "It was fun!"
     "Too bad those three ruined the picnic," Akane noted with a scowl.
"I'm sorry about that, Nuku Nuku - they just don't know how to mind
their own business."
     "Daijobu, Akane-chan.  That was fun too, until they cheated.
Still, Nuku Nuku can't wait to get back home; it's too quiet here."
     There was a sudden silence.
     "Uh... too quiet?"
     "Hai.  After all, I only got into one big fight - the other ones
didn't last very long.  Usually I get to play all the time.  Mama-san
doesn't do it herself any more, but Kyoko and Arisa try to kill me three
or four times a week."  The silence deepened; Ranma and Akane were
staring at her in shock.  "And then there's my best friend Eimi-chan.
She tries to kill me a whole lot!  Of course, she doesn't have any of
the POISON planes like Kyoko and Arisa, but she's always coming up with
something to use against me.  I haven't seen her in a while, though...
I wonder where she is?"
     And then, in the continued stunned silence, the wall exploded.

     Gravel and bits of masonry flew across the dojo grounds, prompting
Ranma and Nuku Nuku to jump up into a ready stance.  Ranma scowled.
*Can't be Ryoga... he's over by Akane.  Was it the ghoul?  That blast
was too powerful for...*
     The smoke finally cleared, and there was a series of mechanical
whirs and clicks as a pair of metallic figures strode through the gaping
hole.  The visored helmets they wore gave them a sinister, alien
appearance.
     "What the...?!"
     Nuku Nuku gasped.  "Power suits!"
     Akiko, who had been watching from the living room, rushed outside.
"Kyoko!  Arisa!  I did *not* authorize the use of those!"
     The two intruders seemed to exchange glances, and one of them
laughed.  "Oh, yeah?  See if we care, ya old hag!"
     "Nani?!"
     "We no who you think we is!" the other one told her.
     "Those voices..."  Ranma clenched his fists.  "Ukyou?  Shampoo?
What're you doing in those things?"
     The visors slid out of the way, revealing that the people in the
suits were indeed two of Ranma's fiancees.  Ukyou smirked.  "Nice fit,
huh, Ranma-honey?  We just met a new friend, who was more than happy to
lend these to us so we could get rid of your artificial girlfriend over
there once and for all!"
     "What are you talking about?!  She's not my..."
     "No talk!"  Shampoo raised herself into a classic one-footed
martial arts pose.  "It time to finish this!  We lots stronger with
these, can beat cat girl easy!  And it all thanks to new friend."  She
glared smugly at Nuku Nuku.  "She friend of you, too."
     "Friend?"
     A high pitched peal of laughter suddenly rang across the dojo
grounds, and a certain young woman walked in.  "Long time no see,
NK-1124."
     "Eimi-chan!"  Akiko was livid.  "How dare you use my own company's
equipment against me!"
     "Urusai!  Now that I've found people who can really use these, I'm
going to... to..."  Eimi's sentence trailed off, and she stared at her
enemies.  Specifically, at Ranma.
     She'd never gotten a chance at seeing him so close...
     *Kakkoii!*  She felt a synthetic blush rise in her cheeks, and her
eyes began to glisten.  *He's so handsome!  What is this emotion... I've
never felt this way before!*  Before the other two could react, she was
running toward him with a wide smile and outstretched arms.  Shampoo and
Ukyou glanced at each other, and nodded in unison.
     "Ranma-kuuuuACK!"  Eimi suddenly disappeared beneath metal-shod
feet as her former allies stomped her into the dirt.
     "Stupid girl!  We no let do!"
     "You were just usin' us to get close to Ranma, weren't you?!"
     Eventually the dust settled, and Ukyou stalked away, removing the
helmet from her head.  She threw it angrily on the ground.  "Oh, I give
up!"  Shampoo followed suit, leaving a badly trampled Eimi behind.  Nuku
Nuku wandered over and looked at her friend in concern; soon the two of
them were exchanging blows and slaps, Nuku Nuku grinning all the while.
Ukyou glared at Ranma.  "I hope you two are happy together!"
     "But I... you... argh!"  Ranma tromped off, muttering dire
imprecations against the female of the species.
     Shampoo watched him leave, then turned her attention on Akane.
"Stupid Akane.  You have plenty chances kill her, but not even try.  Now
she win!"
     Akane rolled her eyes.  "Will you relax?  She's leaving."
     "Huh?"  Ukyou finally noticed the suitcases arranged in the hall.
"But..."
     "Honestly.  All that complaining over nothing."
     Ukyou glared at her.  "Don't give me that.  You can't tell me you
weren't worried yourself."
     "That right!  Why lazy Akane not try get rid of cat-girl too?  You
want lose Ranma-darling?"
     Akane looked up at the clouds.  "At first... yeah, I was a bit
worried.  But then I realized who she reminded me of."
     As one, Akane's rivals turned and looked at Nuku Nuku, who was
laughing happily as she and Eimi stretched each other's faces into many
unusual shapes.  "What you mean, Akane?"
     She chuckled.  "You can't really see it now... but she reminds me a
lot of Kasumi."  They looked at her in surprise.  "She's sweet,
innocent, and likes helping others.  I don't think there's a selfish
bone - or whatever she's made of - in her body.  If you weren't so busy
trying to kill her, you'd have seen it, too.  She's not the type to
deliberately interfere with a relationship."
     The other two were silent for a long moment.  Finally Ukyou shifted
uncomfortably.  "I guess we should go apologize...?"
     "Don't bother.  I think she likes that kind of thing."
     Ukyou laughed awkwardly.  "I don't know whether to be pleased... or
insulted."

     The crosstown express rumbled to a stop, and its passengers began
to disembark.  The station was lit with the soft amber light of the
setting sun, tinging the air with a sense of sadness as new friends said
their goodbyes.
     Akiko bowed, and Nuku Nuku followed her example.  "Thank you for
letting us stay in your home."
     "Don't worry about it," Akane asserted.  "We'll be looking forward
to seeing you again."
     The cat-girl grinned.  "Nuku Nuku wants to come back, too.  Maybe
next time we can do something really exciting!"
     Ranma smiled, though it looked a bit forced.  "Uh, yeah.  Sounds
like fun."  *Man... after everybody and their great-grandmother tried to
kill her, and she's still looking for a fight.  I dunno if the dojo
would survive any more excitement...*
     A soft bell tone signalled that the train was ready for boarding,
and various commuters filed into its cars.  Akiko smiled at the others.
"Well, it's time to go.  Sayonara!"  As she and Nuku Nuku walked to the
first-class compartment, Ranma suddenly snapped his fingers.
     "Oh, yeah!"  He picked up a small cloth-covered cage and hurried
over.  "Nuku Nuku!"  She stopped at the door and turned to him.  He held
the cage out to her.  "I want you to have this."
     "Honto?"  She peeked under the cloth, then giggled.  She threw her
arms around him and hugged him happily.  "Arigato, Ranma-kun!"  She put
the package with the rest of their luggage and, giving them one final
wave, bounded up into the train.  After a few minutes, the doors closed
and the train sped out of sight.
     Ranma wandered back to the others... only to be met by Akane's
angry glare.  He recoiled back in surprise.  "What's your problem?  It's
not like I kissed her or anything.  Anyway, I thought you liked her!"
     "Nuku Nuku, I trust.  It's you I'm suspicious of.  You didn't have
to *enjoy* it that much..."
     "What was in the present, Ranma?"  Kasumi asked.
     "Oh, just a little something we don't need anymore..."

     "RANMA!  Get me out of here!  This is the last time I listen to
you!  How dare you treat your master like this... and you dressed me in
this stupid mouse suit again, too!  'I know a girl who thinks you're the
cat's meow...' how could I have been so blind?  Let me out!  *Sniffle*
It's dark... I'm scared...  I wanna go home!  RANMAAAAAAAA!"

-=-=-=-=-

The End