From: hamster@arn.net (Hurtle Hamster) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Nabiki and Kunou a fanfic by Hurtle Hamster ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Author's note: I have often wondered why every Fanfic author worth their salt has *always* put Kunou and Nabiki together. The have little in common, and don't seem like they respect eachother. Nonetheless, they seem so *right* for eachother it hurts. I wrote this to explore this phenomenon. While I don't expect it to provide any answers, I had a fun time writing it. I hope you have a good time reading it as well. Standard Disclaimer: I have absolutely no legal right to use Ranma or any other of Takahashi-sama's characters. They belong to Her Nifty Impressiveness, Kitty, and Viz. Go ahead and sue me. If I had any money, I would be spending a lot more time watching Ranma videos than writing Ranma stories. Distribute this story, but please credit me, or I'll chew through all your cables and leave nasty pellets on your hard drive. Don't incur the wrath of a Hamster. Read on: ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (Scene opens on Nabiki Tendou's bedroom. She is lying on her bed, on her stomach going over several forms with an abacus, and a laptop computer. She works for several minutes, and begins typing on the computer. She grows distant, and begins hitting the 'j' key as if fidgeting. She rolls over on her back, shakes her hair out and turns back over to work on her books.) Nabiki: Hmmm. seven point two percent, at nine percent compound interest... (Click click click on abacus) Hmm. Should be enough to reinvest ... here...(looks at complicated form. (Ranma and Akane can suddenly be heard fighting from across the Tendou home. While what they say is indistinguishable, their voices are rising louder and louder until...) Akane: (slightly muffled) Ranma, you are an IDIOT!!!! (Kablam) Nabiki: (Sees Ranma fall past her window, landing in the pool.) Oh, the children are fighting again. How amusing. (Akane runs out into the yard, after Ranma-chan, who has just climbed out of the pool. Akane is waving a mallet in the air above her head, and looks serious about using it.) Ranma-chan: (waving hands to try to ward Akane away) You misunderstood me, Akane. All I really said was that Shampoo was a better cook than you were. Geez, Akane, she just about runs Nekohanten herself. Akane: What was that line about never making anybody vomit then? Hmmm? Nabiki:(from outside the window) Sigh... (Ranma-chan and Akane continue fighting outside Nabiki's bedroom window. She watches them for several minutes, but then lays back on her bed. She turns the computer off, and very carefully stacks the forms neatly on a nearby table, lays back on her pillow and begins to cry.) (Scene shifts to the third story hall of Furinken high. Nabiki is standing outside of her locker looking like she is arranging books. Occasionally she takes one out and places it in her carryall. The scene shifts again to the inside of the locker. We see now that Nabiki is more looking through school annuals, paying particular attention to pictures of the sports teams and athletic clubs.) Nabiki: Hmmph. Not a real man in the whole run. Maybe girls really do marry their fathers. (A short haired girl comes up behind her) Girl: Nabiki, you better hurry. Class is going start, and you'll be late! Nabiki: I'll be a few minutes late. Answer roll for me, would you? Girl: Right, Boss! (She runs off down the corridor, turning left down the first cross hallway) Nabiki: (Thinks) Could I really be lonely? That doesn't seem like me at all. (Looks at a couple rushing hand and hand into a class room.) I've have been out before, but never seriously. Maybe it would be nice. (She sees the couple give each other a quick kiss, before darting into the conservative atmosphere of their history class.) Maybe its just the physical aspect I'm missing. Akane: ( Runs past) Look Ranma, you've made me late, AGAIN! Oh, hi sis. You better hurry or you'll be late! Ranma: (Runs past) Akane, wait up!! I didn't do anything to make you late. It was Kunou! Come on Akane... Akane: Ranma, you jerk... (Nabiki sees them run down the hall and down the stairway at the far end. There is a large scuff on Ranma's shirt back, lending some credence to a fight with Kunou.) Nabiki: (Thinks) I guess not. For some ungodly reason I seem to be missing THAT too. (sighs again.) (The bell rings, and Nabiki makes her way mournfully to class. She sighs as she is about to enter, and looks into the entrance window. The teacher has his back turned to the class scrawling a lengthy equation on the black board. She silently opens the door and walks to her seat, dead center in the front of the class room. The teacher finishes the equation and turns around to the class. He notices Nabiki with some surprise) Teacher: Ms. Tendou? Nabiki: Two times the square root of three. Teacher: Huh? Nabiki: The equation evaluates to two time the square root of three. Teacher: So it does... Were you here when I called roll, Ms. Tendou? (He fumbles through his notes for the attendance sheet. Nabiki (looks over at the short haired girl, who gives a barely noticeable 'thumbs up' signal. ) I'm certain I was, Mr. Furagawa. Furagawa: (locates attendance sheet) Hmm... (The teacher turns his back to the class again and begins to write another equation on the black board. With an audible 'whoosh' the door to the classroom opens and closes again, and Kunou appears in the empty seat next to her. He is breathing heavily, and has a nasty bruise on one side of his face. His hair is mussed, but he pulls out a comb, and drags it through the length of his springy mane.) Nabiki: (Whispers) Playing with Ranma again, Kunou-chan? Kunou: That cur has insulted the fair Akane, but one too many times. His licentiousness is an affront to all women. Nabiki: Don't you think it's mean, beating up on an underclassman that way all the time? Somebody might get the wrong idea and call you a bully. Kunou:(loudly) I, Tatewake Kunou, a bully?!?! Furagawa: Mr. Kunou! Kunou: Uhhh, err (looks at Nabiki imploringly) Nabiki: (Thinks)Hmmm, standard fee this time I guess. (She silently opens her hand, two fingers out, and then clenches a fist three times.) Kunou:(Thinks) Two thousand yen. She's being generous again. I wonder what she has planned. (Nods, and the answer he needs is scribbled on a scratch pad, out of sight of Mr. Furagawa.) Three by x. Furagawa: Correct. See me after class Mr. Kunou. (Scene shifts to the Furinken High cafeteria. Ranma and Akane are eating lunch together. As per usual Ranma is wolfing down his meal, while Akane is glaring at him for doing so. Somewhat unusually, Nabiki sits down with them to eat) Akane: Hi sis! Nabiki: Akane... (puts her tray on the table) Ranma: (swallows) Run out of people to blackmail? Nabiki: Nope, I just thought I'd concentrate on your savings today, Ranma. It's always so much more fun doing business in the family. Ranma: Ulp! Nabiki: What are you doing this afternoon, Akane? Akane: Nothing much. I was going to go home and study for a math test later. Nabiki: Me and a couple of friends are going to see the new movie at the cineplex. Do you and Ranma want to come? Akane: Oh, I couldn't do that. I promised Kasumi that I would help her with dinner tonight. Ranma: (thinks) Good lord, I'm glad she warned us. Looks like I'm eating at Ucchan's again... Nabiki: This was the night she was inviting Ukyou over wasn't it? Akane: (frowning slightly) That's right. Something about sharing recipes Ranma: (thinks) Nekohanten, then.. Akane: (really angry now) I guess that's why she invited Shampoo over, too. Ranma: (thinks) I'm doomed... (Nabiki carefully steers Akane away from the subject of her competitors, And starts talking about the various rumors and gossip running around the school. While Nabiki is interested in talking more about boys, Akane gets huffy, having had a bad experience with most of the names Nabiki mention. Ranma, losing interest in the conversation goes back to wolfing down his lunch.) Nabiki: I heard something interesting from one of Kodachi's friends... Akane: She has friends? Nabiki: A few... Akane: So what did you hear? Nabiki: Apparently Kodachi is saying the reason no one has seen Ranma-chan lately is because her brother got him pregnant. Ranma: (chokes, sputters) W-w-what?!?! Akane: (grinning from ear to ear) She thinks Kunou and Ranma...? Nabiki: That's right! Akane: No! (Ranma gets disgusted and leaves, to wander the school yard. As he leaves, Nabiki eyes him speculatively) Nabiki: (quietly) So, are you and Ranma getting along any better? Akane: That's a joke. He can't walk into the room without insulting me. He constantly fights with P-chan. He's a glutton. He's a rude, insensitive, mean jerk! Nabiki: What about that time he kept you from falling in front of that car last week? (Her face shows indecision, remembering the event. The scene flashes back to a late afternoon. Ranma and Akane are walking home from school, bickering. They begin to cross one of the busier streets on their route, when a car weaves around the corner in order to avoid hitting a cargo truck that had run the stop sign. The driver is looking back at the truck, not noticing Ranma and Akane less than twenty feet in front of him. Akane looks into the headlights of the speeding car not quite realizing what was about to happen.) Ranma: AKANE! LOOK OUT! (Akane turns, but is obviously not going to be able to avoid the car. Ranma sacrifices yet another satchel as he leaps in front of the car. He grabs Akane under one arm, and leaps out of the street, latching onto a drain pipe on the wall flush with the street. The car passes by, harmlessly screeching to a halt on top of Ranma's satchel.) Akane: R-r-ranma? (She looks into his face with fear, and he returns her look with relief.) Ranma: Geez, that was close. ( He lays his head on Akane's shoulder, still supporting her weight, some ten feet above the street.) (Scene shifts back to Furinken cafeteria. Akane's face shows speculation, and a slight happiness at the memory of being held. Then it turns to rage once again) Akane: And then he said I was too slow and needed to train more. He's a jerk. I hate him! Nabiki: (thinks) Liar. Akane: How can he be so rude? Nabiki: So you wouldn't mind if he decided to go home with Shampoo or Ukyou tonight... Akane: Absolutely not! I hope he...(She comes up short, a look of undisguisable dread flashing in her eyes.) You don't think he would, do you? Nabiki: I don't think you have to worry about that. He likes Kasumi's cooking too much to leave. (The lunch bell rings, sending the students back to class. Nabiki watches the now horribly worried Akane get up and run back to her studies) Akane: I hope he does leave with one of those hussies! Nabiki: (thinks) I guess that rules out Ranma. He's strong, and pretty cute, but he is REALLY insensitive. I wouldn't have much problem convincing Akane that it was for the best, and Ranma wouldn't be hard to persuade at all. It would cause problems down the line when Akane realizes what she's done....(She sighs, and follows her sister out of the cafeteria.) (Scene shifts to Nabiki's afternoon history class. She boredly listens to her teacher drone on about the Ming dynasty. She looks up at the clock. The minute hand flips over to thirty minutes past the hour, as she looks. The bell rings, as the class disappears behind the still droning teacher. Some what disconsolately she gets up to follow. The teacher is still droning as she leaves. She walks down the hallway, and happens to look out a window, where the inevitable afternoon brawl is starting. Today's participants are Ranma, Kunou, Ryouga, Mousse, and not unsurprisingly, Akane. Curiously absent are Shampoo and Ukyou, both of whom are probably saving up for the coming evening. ) Mousse: (with his glasses on his forehead) Ranma Saotome, I have come to claim my darling Shampoo! (embraces Akane) Akane: She's not even HERE, you moron! Ranma: Geez... Kunou: (Having already changed from his school uniform into his full kendo outfit) You dare to lay a finger on the form of my beloved Akane? I, Tatewake Kunou, shall defend you, my love. Ryouga: Akane's in trouble? (Standing right behind Ranma) Where? (He plows over Ranma, knocking him into a puddle) Ranma-chan: Ryouga, you moron! Look what you've done to me! Student: (from court-yard) She doesn't look pregnant... (The fight rages on. Nabiki notices that instead of the usual nine way pile up on Ranma, this afternoon's festivities seem to be more of a general brawl over the safety, or lack thereof, for her sister. She walks out into the courtyard, where the row has already reached a fever pitch. Kunou is chasing Ranma-chan in circles, while Trying to keep one eye on Mousse, who still doesn't realize he isn't carrying the Chinese amazon.. Ryouga is attacking Mousse with his spinning bandannas, while Ranma-chan is attempting to jump on Ryouga's head. Nabiki follows them at a discreet distance, appraising the participants.) Nabiki: (thinks) Ryouga isn't bad looking. Poor as a church mouse though... Whoops, there he goes. We won't be seeing him around for a while. (She looks down the alley he has run down. By the time she gets there he is several hundred yards away from the rest of the fight, spinning another of his bandannas. He trips and falls into a puddle, emitting a high-pitched squeal of protest as P-chan climbs out.) Ryouga is P-chan?!?! How interesting.... That could definitely come in handy some day! (P-chan races away from the main fight down the alley way. Scene shifts to a view of a store front from across the street. The four remaining combatants run across the still shot. Akane is Ranma-chan's arms now, with Mouse chasing, and swinging twenty feet of sharpened chain, while Kunou is following with his trademark strike attack.) Kunou: (In the distance across the street) Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike.....(The windows around him shatter) (Nabiki walks across the shot as the others have just gone from sight, carefully stepping over the broken glass. ) Nabiki: (thinks) Since Ranma's out of the question, how about Mousse? (She watches the martial artist try to recapture the girl he thinks is his beloved. ) He's really quite handsome. Devoted too. To Shampoo that is. I don't really know if that would be worth my trouble.... (Scene shifts again. Ranma has somehow managed to change back into a boy, but now, Kunou and Mousse are both chasing him, and he is swinging a mysteriously reappearing P-chan from his sleeve. Akane is chasing the fight, but runs into a young man carrying a load of pipes. She trips and comes down hard on her arm, skinning her wrist, and scattering his load on the sidewalk. The man doesn't know what has hit him, and grabs a length of pipe to help back him to his feet.) Akane: OWWWwwww! (Sucking at the bruise) Pipe-man: Are you all right, Miss? Kunou: (Turning around, and sees Akane on her knees suck ing the wound on her wrist, and the young man standing over her, still holding his length of pipe) You DARE attack my beloved?!?! You cretinous dog, preying upon those weaker than yourself. I must chastise you! Akane: Kunou stop!!!! He didn't mean to hurt me! Kunou: Didn't mean to attack you?!?! I think not. More likely an errant student preying upon his betters for his meager day. ( He tries to bend over to help her up, but receives a fist in the bottom of his jaw instead.) Akane: Moron! (Hops up and runs after Ranma and Mousse) Nabiki: (standing over Kunou's limp form.) Never going to learn, are you Kunou-chan? (She sees his bokken, still held tightly in his unconscious grip, and a picture of Ranma-chan fall slightly out of his robe.) You're dedicated. I'll give you that much. (She replays the scene of Kunou coming unneeded to Akane's aid in her head. She shakes her head out and head to a stand across the street, where she orders a soda, and watches Kunou, waiting for him to regain consciousness. The scene replays over and over again in Nabiki's mind. More and more she focuses on the angry look in Kunou's eyes when he hears Akane's cry of pain. Finally the man comes to, and staggers down the street, in the opposite direction from which he came.) Kunou: Maybe a warm bath will clean the ringing from my ears... (Nabiki follows him at a discreet distance. In her head, she is replaying all the times Ranma-chan has used Kunou's infatuation for her to get something they wanted, or needed, often at Nabiki's own insistence. A boat ride here. A helping hand there. She realizes the list goes on and on, all for a person who would never return Kunou's dedication. She sees Kunou walk into a bath house, and purchase a towel at the counter. She waits a few minutes and follows him in. When she gets to the counter, Kunou has already gone through the changing room door. She pays her entrance and buys a towel herself, and walks over into the women's side.) Nabiki: Poor Kunou. My sister's punch gave him a headache. (As she strips off her clothes, and locks them in one of the rental lockers, she thinks to herself again about Kunou's actions during the fight.) Nabiki: (thinks) He's not being stupid, I don't think. He does well enough in school for an intelligent person. He just jumps to conclusions all the time. The WRONG conclusions, but conclusions none the less. (Shuts locker door) What about Ranma then? He's seen Ranma him change several times, and still doesn't believe what we tell him. (Nabiki walks into the bath house proper, where she sees several of her friends enjoying a hot soak) Short-haired girl: Hi, Nabiki! Nabiki: Hiya, girls. How was the movie? Brown-haired girl: We didn't go. They were sold out of tickets by the time we got there. What have you been doing? Nabiki: (stepping into the pool) Oh, I've been watching Ranma and my sister fight with some of the neighbors. (The girls shudder at mention of Ranma's name) Brown-haired girl: You don't think he'll bring that nasty little man back here, do you? Nabiki: Uncle Happosai? I don't think so. He usually stays near Ranma, and the last time I saw Ranma, he was being chased (points) that way. At any rate, we haven't seen him in weeks. He must be lost in an underwear factory somewhere. (The girls all breath an audible sigh of relief) Short-haired girl: Nabiki, have you heard the latest about Kunou's girlfriend? (The girls exchange gossip and rumors, Nabiki ruthlessly egging on heresay about Ranma's supposed pregnancy. She leans back in the shallow pool, beginning to enjoy herself, and begins to get more involved in the conversation, when she notices the open door way across from her. While the men's and women's side of the bath house are separated, a door, just in front of the entrance to the locker room. Laying back further, she can just barely see through to the men's side.) Nabiki: Ladies, take a look over here. (The girls rather nervously begin to glance through the open doorway, catching glimpses of the bathing men.) Short-haired girl: (Blushing furiously) My goodness! I didn't realize they did THAT when they got cold! Brown-haired girl: Oh, look. There's our expectant father! Nabiki (Watching Kunou walk in clad in only a towel) Hmm. Very muscular... Girls: He's so cuuuute! Nabiki: (Thinks) That he is, ladies... (Kunou steps into the water with his towel, and begins to pour warm water over his head. He sinks down to his chest, and rubs his temples) Nabiki: (thinks) Poor Kunou. Akane's punch must have affected him more than usual. Men in his 'condition' are just sooo delicate. (out loud) Hah Hah! Short-haired girl: He is kind of silly, Huh? Nabiki: A little bit. (As the girls begin to talk again, Nabiki watches Kunou soak his battered head. She takes special notice of the way the muscles move under his naked shoulders. ) Mmmm. (Kunou soaks for several minutes, when an apron clad shop keeper storms into the men's side in a rage. He is bandying a piece of paper about, along with a shard of broken glass.) Shop-keeper: You! (pointing at Kunou) You broke every window in my store! (shoves the piece of paper at him) I demand you pay for them! Kunou: (Wearily) I, Tatewake Kunou, pay for the misdeeds of others? I think not. Direct your search for reimbursement instead to one Ranma Saotome, the foul cretin who is responsible for the damage to your humble premises. Shop-keeper: No way, mister! I saw you break my windows with your practice sword. Kunou: (thinks) My attack may have caused the damage of which he speaks. (He remembers fighting Ranma and Mousse with the strike attack.) Nabiki: (thinks)You 're busted, Kunou-chan. Time to cut your losses. Kunou: In the heat of battle, I may have shattered your windows. As is my wont and responsibility, I shall have them replaced. My family's loyal servant shall be at your shop at six-forty-two to estimate the damage. Shop-keeper: I hope you don't mind if I get that in writing from you. (Angrily thrusts out the piece of paper he was carrying.) Kunou: I am deeply saddened that the word of a warrior is not held with respect, but I shall sign my name to your document. Hold. (Kunou stands out of the water, and walks to the locker where his belongings are stored. He pulls out his inking tablet, and accidentally knocks his wallet to the floor as well. Nabiki's eyes go wide when she sees he has left his towel in the pool.) Nabiki: (thinks) My goodness, would you look at the size of that thing! (seeing the wallet fall open) Kunou: (kneels to pick up wallet, from which he pulls several fifty- thousand yen notes.) And, because you doubt my word, a bond of good-faith. Heed my words and do not make use of it prematurely. I do hope you are ashamed. Nabiki: (thinks) There must have been three hundred thousand yen in there... How generous of you, Kunou. (Turns back over to the girls to ponder what she has seen) He's not really mean, he is just used to thinking he is right all the time. I wonder... (The girls spend about a half hour in the bath, before going home to dinner and leaving Nabiki by herself. She bends back over to the door way, where she watches Kunou quietly soak. He is slowly running water over the wall, in what she sees in the right light is a fair sketch of her sister's face.) Nabiki: (thinks) I could go over there and give him a bit of a show as I leave. Pauses for a second) Now where on earth did THAT come from?!?! (She ponders Kunou for several seconds.) His real problem is that he doesn't realize he's being a jerk. I bet if Akane seriously asked him, Kunou would cut off his own arm. (Kunou gets out of the pool, and begins to towel off. Nabiki watches, from the women's side, her chin in her hands, and her elbows on the side of the bath. Kunou runs his hands through his damp hair, and makes his way back into the locker room) Nabiki: (A decision clicks in Nabiki's head) Akane is wasted on you, Kunou. She'll never love you back. I'll just HAVE to take you away from her! (Scene shifts to the outside of Furinken High, on the next day. The clock swings to twelve thirty, and the lunch bell rings. The scene changes to the inside of the Furinken cafeteria. Kunou is just sitting down to a bought meal when we see a blue school dress from the waist down step in front of his table.) Nabiki: (still out of shot, sets wrapped lunch box down in front of Kunou.) Hiya, Kunou-chan. Why don't you try some of this? Kunou: (sniffs and thinks) Hmm, the wonderful aroma of Kasumi Tendou's fine cuisine. Everyone in this city must weep at the thought... (out loud) What price have you put on this fine meal today? Nabiki: (sits across from him ) It's on me today, Kunou. Kunou: (shocked) Whaaa.... Everyone else in the cafeteria: HUH?!?! Kunou: (thinks) There must be some hidden cost.... Nabiki: Oh, just try it. It's not poisoned! Kunou: Very well then...(takes byte from the sushi and rice combo) Ahh... The beauty of truly excellent cuisine. It has been far to long since I have sampled such a rarity. My compliments to the chef. She is a very skilled cuisinere. Nabiki: Why thank you Kunou. Ranma won't even eat my cooking. He's afraid Kasumi is the only good cook in the house. Kunou: YOU cooked this...? Nabiki: Of course, Kunou-chan (thinks) With considerable help from 'My Mother's Cook Book (TM)' (out loud) Anything less for you would simply be a crime. Kunou: True. This I have often stated myself. Sasuke is a poor cook indeed, and while my sister's cuisine is palatable it is always laced with some drug or poison. Nabiki: Poor Kunou, and you want to marry my sister? Kunou: What...? Nabiki: Surely you've tasted Akane's cooking before? Kunou: (shakes his head) Nabiki: Why do you think she hates Ranma so much. (She points to a table across the room, where her sister is beating her fiancee in the head.) Kunou: His evil nature is not reason enough? Nabiki: He hates her cooking. I hate her cooking for that matter. Daddy had to go to the hospital on her first day of home-economics. Kunou: I had no idea.... Nabiki: Maybe you should consider your options. Pick someone who can cook perhaps? Kunou: Oh, there is no need for that. I am certain that my pig tailed goddess is a divine chef. She can cook for Akane and myself. Nabiki: (thinks) Ranma's a decent cook alright. I doubt he wants to cook for you though. (out loud) What if you have to choose between them though? Kunou: Choose? I shall have both, and we shall live in bliss for all eternity, or at least until Kodachi gets home in the afternoon. Nabiki: (thinks) This is going nowhere, I'm going to have to be blunt. (out loud) You know, Kunou, Akane or the Pig tailed girl may not want you to have two wives. In fact, the way I hear it, its turned the both of them off of you. They want nothing to do with you. Kunou: Ridiculous! Nabiki (puts her head in her hands) Oh, Kunou.... (Scene shifts to various locations, Kunou going about his daily business, and Nabiki following him, attempting to convince him that Akane doesn't really like him. She uses charts, blown up pictures of all the times that Akane has hit Kunou, computer simulations on her laptop, testimonials from completely random bystanders, and fake headlines in joke newspapers. The scene holds on Nabiki in the Kunou living room sitting across from Kunou reading from a book labeled: Akane's Diary-Private) Kunou: It is very simple, Nabiki Tendou. Akane has not accepted me as her true and only love yet because she is waiting for the right moment. Nabiki: (thinks) Waiting for Hell to freeze over, maybe? (out loud) And what is she waiting for, Kunou? Kunou: She will not marry a man who is not stronger than she. I have yet to defeat the fair Akane in single combat. Only then will she admit her true love for me. Nabiki: Okay, Kunou. I give up. You're obviously not worth the trouble. I'm warning you. Sooner or later, Akane's going to give you a nasty shock. (She storms out of the house, past Kodachi who is coming into the house in her school uniform carrying a large bag with bottles sticking out the top.) Kodachi: What was that about, dear brother? Kunou: I have no idea.... (Scene shifts to Nabiki's bedroom. She is laying face down on the bed, crying) Nabiki: How can he be so blind?!?! Whaaaaa..... I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! (She screams, and yells, but soon begins to remember the look in Kunou's eyes as he attacked the man he thought attacked Akane. The scene replays over and over in her mind. She starts to cry again) Akane: (through the door) Nabiki? Nabiki: (instantly composed) Yes? (wipes her face and opens the door) Akane: A-are you okay? Nabiki: Of course. Why do you ask? Akane: I heard a noise. It sounded like someone crying. Nabiki: I didn't hear anything. Maybe Happosai turned up and found Ranma? Akane: I don't think so... Okay, If nothing's wrong... (she turns to leave) Nabiki: Wait a second, sis. Akane: What do you need? Nabiki: Can I ask you something? Akane: Sure! Nabiki: How do you feel about Kunou? Akane: (Her face goes dark, and she starts glowing an evil blue color) I HATE him! Nabiki: Do you mind waiting second? (She opens her desk drawer and pulls out a mini recorder) Okay, go ahead. Akane: (She looks at her sister curiously, but her rage soon takes her away) He's a cretin. He's a stupid stuckup macho JERK. I LOATHE him! I wish he had never been born! He's worse than Ranma!!!! Nabiki: That's what I wanted to know! Thanks! Akane: (Calming down some, but still flustered) Are you sure you're okay. Nabiki: Never been better! (thinks) Maybe if he won't believe MY words... Akane: I'll see you at dinner then! (Nabiki waits for Akane to leave, and begins writing on several cards. She seals each in a envelope) Nabiki: I've got you now, Kunou-chan! (Scene shifts to the Tendou living room, the next morning. Ranma is eating a bag of chips, and watching cartoons when Ryouga walks in the room holding a written card. Ranma looks up, and notices Ryouga) Ranma: Akane's out shopping with Kasumi, Ryouga. You'll just have to wait your turn. She's not finished destroying the kitchen yet. Ryouga: You must be a true idiot to insult your fiancee like that, Ranma. Ranma: (holds his hands to his chin) Oh, and I suppose being cute widdle P-chan is soooo difficult. Gets to sleep in Akane's bed every night. Ohhh. Ryouga: Take that back Ranma. You're asking for a fight. (Goes into an attack posture) Ranma: This won't take long... (Suddenly there is a polite knock at the door) Ranma: Hold on a second, Ryouga. I'll get it. (He opens the door to find Mousse standing in front of him.) Mousse: Mr. Tendou, I received this card in the mail.... Ranma: Put your glasses on, idiot. Mousse: (peering through his opaque spectacles) That is no way to treat a guest, Ranma! (Goes into an attack posture) Ranma: Wonderful. It's beat up Saotome day again... (Kunou steps through the open door way, with his sword drawn, also holding a card.) Ranma: Look, the three stooges.... Kunou: Saotome, you insolent whelp! (Everyone in the room groans) Ranma: Oh great. Now I have to fight three people. Kunou: You will fight no one but me, Saotome. Your devilish ways have come to and end right now. I, Tatewake Kunou, vow this. Ryouga: I shall not tolerate any of you intruding in fair Akane's house. Mousse: (Holds up evil looking mace.) All of you--- Nabiki: (Steps into room from the stairway) QUIET! Kunou, come with me. I didn't ask you here to fight. You can do that on your own time. Right now you owe me. Big. Ranma: (smirks) Nabiki: You too, China-boy. Oh and Ryouga, Mousse, you both have debts to me as well. Mousse: I see borrowing money for gifts was a folly. I will pay my debt from my wages. Nabiki: Call this interest. Read your contract. Mousse: (Peers over contract taken from hammerspace) Blast... Ryouga: I have never borrowed money from you. Nabiki.... Nabiki: Would you like my sister to find out who REALLY sleeps on her pillow every night? (thinks) I knew that would be useful... Ryouga: Ulp! Nabiki: Come on boys. You've all got work to do. (Nabiki leads the four men upstairs to her bedroom. Once in side, she locks the door.) Nabiki: Okay, Kunou. Have a seat. (She points at her bed.) Now I'm sure that this is going to come as some shock to you, since I've been saying it for the last week, but Akane does not like you. Kunou: You lie! Akane doesn't just like me, She loves me . 'And one day soon the rose of her love will bloom before me...' Nabiki: Boys.... Ranma: She hates you all right Kunou. What are you missing, the drop kicks to your face, or the way she spits every time she hears your name? Mousse: She hates most men, I understand. Ryouga: She even hates Ranma. Nabiki: Listen to this. (she pulls out a very nice tape player and pops a tape into the slot) Nabiki: (On tape) Okay, go ahead. Akane: (On tape) He's a cretin. He's a stupid stuckup macho JERK. I LOATHE him! I wish he had never been born! He's worse than Ranma!!!! (Kunou winces at the last phrase. Nabiki rewinds the tape and plays it again) Nabiki: (On tape) Okay, go ahead. Akane: (On tape) He's a cretin. He's a stupid stuckup macho JERK. I LOATHE him! I wish he had never been born! He's worse than Ranma!!!! (Kunou has an angry expression on his face, as Nabiki plays the tape yet a third time.) Nabiki: (On tape) Okay, go ahead. Akane: (On tape) He's a cretin. He's a stupid stuckup macho JERK. I LOATHE him! I wish he had never been born! He's worse than Ranma!!!! Kunou: What manner of trickery is this. I shall not stand for this effrontery- Nabiki: Just listen: (She replays the tape several times, and with each time, the look on Kunou's face grows darker and darker.) Kunou: NNGYAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! Nabiki: You've got to face the facts, Kunou-chan. She just doesn't hate you. She LOATHES the sight of you. She reviles you. You couldn't disgust her more if you tried. Kunou: (With VERY hurt expression) What you say may have some validity, but someday her true love shall surface, even as the errant porpoise. Nabiki: Yeah. Someday... Ranma: He'll never learn, Nabiki. Nabiki: He will after today. I'm afraid I've one more bubble to burst for you, Kunou. Have you ever heard about the accursed training ground of Jusenkyou? Ranma: Kunou's seen me change before, Nabiki. He doesn't believe it. You know that. Kunou: The springs of Jusenkyou are quite a tourist attraction, so I understand. Quite picturesque. 'Fun for the whole family' according to one popular source. Ranma: I'd LOVE to see that family. Nabiki: They're cursed, Kunou-chan. They have been for centuries. Kunou: Evil magic?!?!? Nabiki: If you fall into any one of them you spend the rest of your life as a the creature who drowned there when ever you get wet with cold water. (pours glass of ice water on Ranma) Kunou: My pig-tailed goddess! Ranma: (Kicks Kunou's face before he can glomp onto her) Nabiki: Settle down, Kunou. Don't make me bring the hose in here. I'd really hate to get my carpet wet. Ryouga: (to Mousse) We'd probably just end up cleaning it up... Mousse: True... Nabiki: Ryouga, I DON'T have to threaten you. Mousse, take a look at clause nine section thirteen. Ryouga: Ulp! Mousse: (peering over contract) Indentured Servitude?!?!?! Nabiki: Now hush up. (to Kunou) Now do you know what this means? Kunou: I know that Ranma Saotome has enslaved my love with black magic. Nabiki: Then take another look. Boys, I think you know what to do: Ranma-chan: It'll never work... Mousse: (Dropping cup of hot tea). Pardon me! Ranma: Hiya Kunou. (Kunou looks sideways at Ranma) Nabiki: Jusenkyou, Kunou-chan. Remember Jusenkyou... Ryouga: (spilling canned cola). Oh, I'm sorry. Ranma-chan (to Kunou) Darling! Mousse: Here, let me get that for you. (wrings warm sponge on Ranma's head.) Ranma: (takes shirt off, and wrings it in a waste basket.) Look at this mess. And this is even my favorite shirt! Mousse: (holding spray bottle and rag) Let me clean it up then (squirts Ranma) Kunou: (starts sweating when he sees breasts sprout from Ranma's chest.) My L-l-love....? Ryouga: Oh look, all wet again. Here, have some hot cocoa, so you don't catch a cold. (Dumps cocoa down Ranma's front.) Ranma: Hey, that was hot! (looks at Kunou) Still wanna go out? Mousse: Straight from the depths of china comes the mysterious technique, passed down from generation to generation...(Camera angle swivels widely as Mousse begins to emit battle aura) Attack of the high pressure water gun!!! (Pulls out a super soaker) (The image of breasts sprouting from Ranma's chest replays over and over in front of Kunou's eyes. Soon images from all the times Kunou has grabbed Ranma-chan come to sharp focus in front of his eyes. The three have begun a water fight, with Nabiki trying to shield her carpet from harm with a spare blanket. Ranma, sans shirt has the super soaker now. Mousse is shaking a bottle of cola menacingly, while Ryouga is swinging a kettle madly. Alternating giggles, quacks and squeals punctuate the three changing back and forth rapidly from their cursed forms to their normal.) Nabiki: (who is now soaked, too) You see...YOU WILL BE CLEANING MY CARPET, RYOUGA... now, Kunou-chan? (All the scenes of Kunou fighting Ranma come back to haunt him, alternating between Ranma and Ranma-chan.) Nabiki: Do you get it? Kunou: Get...what....? Nabiki: Ranma fell into one of those cursed springs. Kunou: Which Spring? Nabiki: Spring of Drowned Girl. Kunou: Your....meaning? Nabiki: Guess! Kunou: I... I don't....I don't.....(Suddenly the images start replaying in Kunou's mind, side by side, with Boy-Ranma on the left, and Girl-Ranma on the right. The images flicker faster and faster, until he is left with two SD style cartoons of Ranma and his pigtailed love next to each other. Neon arrows flicker into existence and point at corresponding parts of the two cartoons' body. Realization creeps across Kunou's face as slow as the dawn. He takes one breath. (The scene switches to the Tendou living room, where Soun and Akane are helping Kasumi bring in the groceries. They look up at the stairway, where they have just heard a shattering scream.) Kunou: (screaming) I refuse to believe this madness!!! (Kunou comes running down the stairs, followed by Ranma-chan, who has regained a shirt, Nabiki, Ryouga, and Mousse. Kunou stumbles as he reaches the last step. He falls on his face, and then turns over only to find Ranma-chan staring into his eyes.) Ranma-chan: (Pouting) Don't you love me any more? Kunou: ARRARARARRAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! (Leaps up, and takes off for the door, only to bash his head into the door frame. He collapses onto the floor.) Akane: (More in curiosity than concern.) What did you do to Kunou? Ranma-chan: (With a very evil grin) Finally! (dancing) He's seen the light! Nabiki: We spelled out for him, in some detail, how you and Ranma both feel about him. Genma: (out of nowhere with sign board) Growf : "QUITE A TASK" Mousse: I feel rather sorry for him. Ryouga: You'd think he'd have figured it out by now. Nabiki: Whew! Now that that's done with, help me carry him into the dojo. This isn't finished yet. Ranma-chan Mousse and Ryouga: What?!?! Nabiki: Just do as I say... (Ryouga, Mousse, Ranma and Akane pick up Kunou by the arms and legs , rather roughly, and begin dragging him to the dojo.) Ranma-chan: (whispered to Akane) Any idea what this is all about? Akane: Not really. She has been acting a little mopey the last couple of days, though. Ranma-chan: Hmmm. Maybe this is some blackmail scheme? Akane: Maybe, but I don't think so. (They reach the center of the dojo floor, and unceremoniously dump Kunou) Nabiki: (pours bucket of cold water on Kunou) Time to get up, Kunou-chan. Kunou: (Sputtering) Wha..... Nabiki: I challenge you, Kunou. Akane: You can't be serious! Ranma-chan: He'll tear you to shreds, Nabiki! Mousse: Kunou is a skilled fighter.... Nabiki: Just watch. Kunou: (Staggering to his feet, being very careful not to look at either Ranma or Akane). I accept, for you have been most unkind in shattering my dreams. Ah, but to have innocence again... Akane and Ranma-chan: Innocence?!?! Kunou: By reason, of being the Blue Thunder of Furinken High, I must, however, give an unskilled opponent the chance to yield, lest she be injured. Nabiki: Unskilled, Kunou? I live in the same house as Ranma and his father, two very skilled martial artists. My sister and my father are both martial artists. Most of the people I know are martial artists. You think I could have come this far without knowing how its done? Ranma-chan: (looks incredulously at Akane) Akane: I've never seen her train... Kunou: So be it. Defend yourself, Nabiki Tendou! (Kunou has lost his sword between the living room and the dojo, but he attacks Nabiki with jabbing fist motions similar to his bokken attack. ) Nabiki: (Just BARELY dodging Kunou's attack) Hope you don't mind if I fight dirty, Kunou-chan.(Stepping aside, after his last lunge, she brings her foot up into his stomach. She is wearing pointed boots.) Kunou: Umph! (Tries to swing at Nabiki, but she had ducked, and rolled behind him.) Nabiki: (Punches the back of Kunou's head) Come on, Kunou-chan. I really did expect better. (Nabiki, and Kunou fight, rather Kunou fights, and Nabiki dodges. While it is obviously straining her, she moves very quickly, but her punches are weak. Kunou, on the other hand, has just been knocked silly by the door frame, and is affected much more by her strikes than he would usually be. This goes on for several minutes. Nabiki is tiring rapidly, but Kunou's eyes are growing more and more glazed. Finally, just as he is about to really hit Nabiki's face, she screams, and drops back, kicking him in the Jaw. After a couple of seconds, Kunou falls to his knees, then over on one side.) Nabiki: (Lying on floor, heaving) That...was....fun...heh....(After a few minutes she gets up to her feet) Akane: He could have killed you, Nabiki! Ryouga: She's right, Nabiki. You're in no shape to be fighting someone like Kuno. Ranma-chan: (Nods) You should have asked one of us to do it. Nabiki: (Still breathing heavily, and resting on her knees) I hadn't planned on actually...whew...beating Kunou. (She points at one of the higher windows. There is Sasuke, holding a blow gun.) Sasuke: Do I still get paid, Mistress Tendou? Nabiki: Consider yourself on retainer. (Sasuke bows dramatically, and disappears in a blur) Mousse: Generous... Nabiki: Okay one more stop... Follow me. (Once again, they pick up Kunou and drag him after Nabiki. She leads them back into the house, and to the wash room door.) Nabiki: Thankyou, all. You can all consider this week interest free. Ranma-chan: Alright!! Soun: (Out of nowhere.) I forbid this, Nabiki. Young ladies should not bathe with... Nabiki: You just about throw Ranma and Akane in the bath together every chance you get... Soun: Well... Nabiki: You can be in on interest free week too, Daddy! Soun: I can?!?! Well, in that case... Genma: Growf! (signboard)"CAN I BE INTEREST FREE TOO?!?!" Nabiki: No... Genma: Urr... (signboard)"AWWW, GEEZ" Nabiki: Now all of you go away. Kunou and I have some talking to do. Kunou: gurgle... Akane: Any body feel like cookies? Ranma-chan: Yours or Kasumi's? Akane: (smiles) Mine! Ranma:-chan (Sighs) Why don't we go back to fighting. (Scene shifts to Kunou's perspective. He is just coming to, and finding himself chest deep in water. A closer look reveals that he is in the Tendou's bathtub. The lights are off, and the sky is dark outside the window. Two candles sit on the edge of the tub. Nabiki Tendou is sitting chest deep across from him. She is sipping from a glass of champagne, and making small ripples in the water with her finger. He notices that Nabiki is concealed only by the reflections of the candles and the moon on the water. He then notices he is in an identical situation.) Kunou: (Holding head, speaking groggily)What is the meaning of this, Nabiki Tendou? Nabiki: I think you know, don't you Kunou... Here, have some champagne. (She hands him a glass) Kunou: I have absolutely NO idea what you are talking about. (sips) Nabiki: Oh, I'm so disappointed. I go through all of the trouble of ridding you of those unnecessary loves (smirks), and then showing you how formidable a woman I really am. Kunou:(Rubs chin as the memory of Nabiki's winning blow comes back to him.) And your point? Nabiki: I'm at least as beautiful as my sister, and I can defeat you any time I choose, just like your pig-tailed goddess-- Kunou: (Puts his face in one hand) Please.... Nabiki: Don't you think I'm attractive. (moves closer to Kunou) Kunou: Is this a proposition? Nabiki: Oh, I'm hurt, Kunou. (Pouting, but then turns away from Kunou, offering him a generous view of her naked back. We see that she is grinning evilly. ) Kunou, I t-though t-that (sob) you were in love with me! Kunou: I-I-I.... Nabiki: (Turning and giving Kunou quite and eyefull)Say it isn't true! Say that you do love me! Kunou: (with blood trickling from one nostril)I love you?!?! Nabiki: And I'm so glad to hear it, Kunou-chan. (She grabs Kunou by the back of his hair, and almost dunks him. She kisses him madly. Kunou: Mmm-mmm-mmmmmm-mm?!?! Nabiki: (Letting him go for a second) Of course I'll marry you Kunou- chan! I was afraid you'd never ask. Kunou: What, Ma-mmmmmm!! M-MMm-MM-mmm-MM-MMMMM-MMM! Nabiki: I love you too, Kunou-chan! (She kisses him a third time, and drags him under the water briefly.) Kunou: MMMM! (One naked leg becomes wrapped around his back) Kunou: Mmmm? Nabiki: Mmmm! Kunou: Mmm-mmmm! (Scene shifts back to the Tendou living room. Kasumi has invited everyone, much to Akane's chagrin, to dinner. Genma and Soun are sipping sake, and playing chess, while Ranma, Akane, Kasumi, Shampoo, Ryouga, Mousse, and Ukyou are playing the Japanese edition of Monopoly. While nobody has Boardwalk Ryouga has just bought Park Place, and the rest of the squares are distributed pretty evenly. Ranma, who has a very small pile of money, has Baltic, the 'Electric Company' and Oriental, which is currently in hock. Ryouga's turn.) Ryouga: (rattle rattle rattle, toss) Allright! I got twelve. (Starts to move piece.) Akane: (Whispering) Uhh, Ryouga, I think you're going backwards again.. Ryouga: Oh, ahhh, let me see now... Ranma: Clockwise, Ryouga. Geez (Akane reaches across the table and baps Ranma) Ryouga: Ummm... This way? (Starts to move piece onto the 'Chance cards') Akane: I'll help you, Ryouga. (She picks up his piece, and crosses 'Go', Baltic, and Oriental to land on the chance square.) See, he was on the right track Ranma. He still avoided all your property. Ranma: Oh thanks, I would have COMPLETELY missed that... Kasumi: (Who is banker in Nabiki's absence) That's two hundred dollars for passing 'Go', and here's your chance card. Ryouga: (Taking card) Advance token to Oriental avenue.... Ranma: Ahh, man. I KNEW I should have mortgaged the electric company first! Shampoo: You turn, Mousse (Punches him in the arm) Mousse: (While polishing his specs,) Which piece is mine, again? (Ukyou rolls and plays for Mousse while he is blind. She lands his piece on Boardwalk.) Ukyou: Got five hundred dollars? Mousse: (Forks over a 5c note to Kasumi, and begins to look speculatively at Ryouga, or rather the picture on the wall to Ryouga's left) I will fight you for Park Place, Ryouga. (Ryouga looks just about ready to accept when...) Nabiki: Daddy, Look! Soun: Wha? Genma: (Panda) Growf? (They see Nabiki, clad in a very revealing party dress, and a dazed yet madly grinning Kunou standing on the first stair landing. She is holding out her hand for everyone to inspect. With a second glance, and a lighting shift, they see a very BIG diamond adoring her middle finger.) Nabiki: I'm engaged, Daddy. Kunou and I are getting married! (EVERYONE, even Kasumi, facefaults.) Ranma: K-K-Kunou?!?! Akane: Nabiki?!?! Kasumi: (recovered) A wedding!!!! Soun: A WEDDING?!?! (Sound cry #762 'My daughter is marrying an idiot') Genma: Growf? (signboard) WITH H'ORS DOURVES? Nabiki: That's right! (Runs to Kasumi, leaving Kunou grinning insanely on the landing.) Kasumi: Oh, I'm so happy for you! We'll have to start planning... I'll have to start baking... Akane: (whispering) Are you sure this is really what you want, sis? I mean, this is Kunou, you know. Ranma: I thought me and Akane were incompatible. You and Kunou? Nabiki: Yes I'm sure. I've been thinking about this for quite a while. Kunou really is the only man who could make me happy. Ranma: (jumping to a conclusion) You're marrying for money? Nabiki: What other reason could there be. You're savings are starting to dry up, Ranma. Akane: Sis!! (Later that evening, Akane, Kasumi, and Nabiki are planning the ceremony. Nabiki is holding Kunou's hand. Kunou still bears the almost childishly foolish grin, and is looking off into space. Ranma, who is uncomfortable being so close to Kunou, yet unwilling to leave Akane alone in his presence, is sitting across the room reading a comic book, looking up every few minutes to reconfirm Kunou's semi-comatose state.) Nabiki: (thinks) Oh, Tatewake. You may be rich but... (She looks up at her new fiancee and once again remembers the swordsman defending Akane from the 'attack'.) That ego is made of solid gold! Akane: So you'll be wanting to invite Kodachi too... Nabiki: I know the two of you don't get along well, but Kunou-chan thinks that she can control herself. (Thinks) This is going to be ABSOLUTELY delicious! Akane: It's not me I'm worrying about. It's him (She glances over at her fiancee, who looks up at the implied 'Ranma' in her statement.) Nabiki: Oh, didn't I tell you. That's been taken care of. Akane and Ranma : Huh? Nabiki: It's very simple. Kunou is sure he can make her promise not to start any fights at the ceremony. If nothing else, I'LL hide her ribbon. Akane: I'm not talking about fighting... Nabiki: I know. Kunou also asked me if he could choose my bride's maids. I agreed! Akane: (Seeing it coming a mile away) You don't mean.... Ranma: Who? Nabiki: Why his former loves of course. Akane Tendou and The Pigtailed Girl! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- End Author's note. Thank you for reading my story. I hope to begin work on a new one soon, my version of the 'Passion Spice' scenario. It will feature a continuation of this story as a side plot, but will focus mainly on Ranma and Akane. I chose to write in script form rather than narrative for this particular story because of the action intensity in the last half. It probably would have been better to write the first half as narrative, and the second half as script, but that would look sooooo tacky! Hopefully, my next story will be entirely in narrative form. If you have any comments, praise, or damnation, please mail to: hamster@arn.net ------------------------------------------------------------------- Hurtle Hamster hamster@arn.net The NEW Hamster Animation Page http://users.arn.net/~hamster The Ranma 1/2 Gallery http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/6413 -------------------------------------------------------------------