A Fate Worse Than.....
by Susan Doenime
All characters and situations copyrighted by Takahashi Rumiko. Used
without permission.
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   Conspiracies, by their very nature, tend to be plotted in dark, bare
rooms, with a single lightbulb hanging from a cord to provide a dim
light. But, sadly, the Tendo Dojo lacked such a room.

   It did, however, have a perfectly nice garden. And that's where the
Get Ranma and Akane Married NOW club met. Both members of it.

   They weren't, truth be told, entirely happy.

   "Tendo-kun?"

   "Yes, Saotome?"

   "Kasumi's been ironing the newspapers again. Ruined the sports 
section."

   "She has?"

   "And she's also been looking at _that_ cookbook. You know, the one
with the "Peppered Panda Steak" in it."

   "I'm sure that's just coincidence, Saotome-kun."

   "Then why has she been insisting I gain another 'serving'?"

   "Oh dear...I suppose we'll have to start her on the medication 
again."

   "'Again', Tendo-kun?"

   "Yes....I wouldn't worry. Last time she was insisting that rabbits
weren't true and that Akane was making the armchairs try to kill her.
This seems much less severe."

   "Good to hear, good to hear..."

   "Just make sure to hide any power tools you might have."

   The two sat in silence for a while, reflecting on this.

   "Tendo...when is your daughter going to marry my boy?"

   "I could ask you the same question, Saotome."

   Genma scratched his head. "But I don't have a daughter, and you don't
have a son..."

   "No, Saotome-kun. I mean about Ranma and Akane."

   "Oh."

   Silence descended once more.

   Soun finally gave a little moan of despair, and sunk his head into
his lap. "It's hopeless, Saotome. They _like_ each other...they really
do..."

   "Crazy about each other."

   "But no matter how hard we push them together, they just won't say
the word!"

   Genma nodded sagely. "Indeed, Tendo-kun. It seems the more we try to
have them marry, the more they pull apart..."

   Silence.

   "Saotome-kun? Say that again?"

   "The more we try to have them marry, the more they pull apart."

   "Hmm."

~*~

   That afternoon, Genma and Soun called a family meeting in the living
room. One by one, the other occupants filed into the room, each looking
as though they'd rather be somewhere else.

   Nabiki seemed bored. Kasumi kept eyeing the armchairs nervously.
Ranma and Akane kept glancing at each other, as if to say "What are the
old fools going to try _this_ time?"

   After everyone had taken their seats, Genma stood.

   "My ungrateful son," he rumbled, "and Tendo's daughter Akane have
both repeatedly demonstrated that they don't wish to be married. Well,
fine. We've had enough. As much as it pains us, Tendo-kun and I have
decided to break the engagement."

   Nabiki sputtered, Ranma and Akane looked uncertain, and Kasumi
muttered something about fanged linoleum.

   "However," he continued, "I've had a much better offer. It seems
Kunou Kodachi has decided to sign over to me her half of the Kunou
fortune upon your marriage to her, boy. And so, I've promised you to
her. The wedding is next week."

   "WHAT? Pop, you can't! You wouldn't!"

   "KODACHI! RANMA NO BAKA!"

   Soun picked this moment to interject. "Now Akane, you mustn't
begrudge Ranma his happiness..."

   "My happiness? Mr. Tendo, there's nothing..."

   "...especially since you've been promised to another."

   "What? Daddy, what do you mean?"

   "Years ago, before I met Saotome-kun, a man saved my life in China. I
promised him, in gratitude, that I would marry a daughter of mine to his
son, or vice versa, depending. While I had long thought this impossible,
certain information regarding my savior's child has come to my
attention...."

   Nabiki looked up in horror. "Daddy...you don't mean..."

   "Yes, I do. Akane, you marry Tsubasa on Thursday."

~*~

   Three days later, Ranma and Akane eloped together.

   

- Susan Doenime
Brisbane, U of Q
"I hit the streets / They watched me in the monitor..."