URUSEI YATSURA: A Turn Of Affairs By Ryan Part 1: The Fall Lunchtime at Tomobiki High. The desks were all pushed together, and everyone was eating and talking and laughing, and enjoying the warm spring breeze blowing in through the open windows. Everyone, that is, except Ataru Moroboshi. He tried to just enjoy the simple meal he had before him, but it was very, very hard with the intense clamor that went on around him. Lum, for starters, was hanging on his right arm, which happened to be the one he was holding his chopsticks with. His maneuverability was sorely lacking. On the left arm was raining a steady blow of fists from Shinobu, who made absolutely clear just how angry she was at the situation. Close on hand was Mendou, who alternated between trying to calm Shinobu and woo Lum. Megane's intentions on the scene were only too clear, and he had help. Each of the Stromtroopers was trying to get his hands on Lum, which caused her to dodge quite a bit. Which caused her to yank on ataru's chopstick-arm. *How much more can a guy take?* Ataru wondered. Another tofu tidbit danced off the end of his chopsticks, to join its comrades on the floor. His ears hurt, not to mention his left arm. "THAT'S IT!!!" All bodies exploded outward. Desks overturned. What remained of Ataru's lunch made a not-so-neat pile on the floor. The final chunk of tofu was clamped firmly in his chopsticks. "This is the last one! I'm going to eat it, despite your best efforts!" He came so close. "Darling, I'm sorry!" Lum cried, and threw her arms around him. "Please forgive me!" The tofu landed neatly on Shinobu's nose, then on the floor (as expected). The nose itself had already gone through several shades of red in the last few minutes, and now joined the cheeks in flushing the deepest red of all. "Now I've had it," said Shinobu's deceptively calm voice. She grabbed one of the overturned desks, swung it easily over her head, and let loose. It slammed full into Ataru's head, snapping it back and tearing him loose from Lum. Unfortunately, when he staggered back, the window behind him was open. The second story window. Everyone gasped. "DAAARRRRLLINNNNGGGGG!!!" * * * Part 2: Falling of a Different Kind "So, he wasn't indestructible after all." School gossip was really bad this time. "I hear he's got brain damage." "I heard that, too. Years ago." "He's coming back tomorrow, I hear." "I hear Lum never left his side once all this time." "That's a stretch. But I hear Shinobu didn't visit him once." "Hold on, Shinobu. ATARU!" "Hello?" Ataru clenched his teeth. "Isn't it a little late for that? Not once, Shinobu. Oh, I thought of you quite a bit!" He grabbed his still-bandaged head. "Oww. You're giving me a headache. Well, I don't care! No way!" He grimaced, then his face softened, as did his voice, but his eyes remained steely. "Like I said, it's too late for that now. You had your chance. Many, in fact. Goodbye." Click. "Who was that, Darling?" Lum floated down the stairs. "You shouldn't be up so long." "I'm fine, I tell you!" Ataru was still in a shouting mood. "Oh, Darling, don't be angry. Come back to bed." "I need to take a walk or something." He looked at the floor. "I have to get out of here." "Okay. I'll come with you." "Fine. That'd be great." Lum's heart suddenly swelled. *What did he say?* she thought joyfully as they left the house. The night was cool and brisk, and windy. The pair walked in silence. Lum kept glancing at Ataru, starting every time he opened his mouth. But still he said nothing. Lum saw something she had never seen in Ataru before -- he seemed to be thinking very deeply. His face and eyes reflectedan inner turmoil that was so unlike Ataru. *Probably the head injury,* she thought. *And the cold.* "I must be insane." Ataru suddenly caught Lum's hand. "I... I..." His eyes filled with tears. "My head feels a lot better." He sobbed. "I, -sob-, I feel great, in fact." Lum wasn't sure whether to be happy he was feeling better, pitying him for his crying, or hugging him for holding her hand. She stopped in confusion, then made a decision. "Darling, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Ataru gripped her hand harder. "Lum, I...." He stopped and sat down on a bench. Lum sat down next to him, and wiped a few tears off his cheek. "Darling, you can tell me. What's wrong?" "Lum' you've been so good to me lately. I really appreciate it." Ataru looked up at the stars. "Maybe...." "Maybe what, Darling?" "Maybe...." He looked down. "Maybe you deserve something in return." He stood up. "I'm tired. Let's go home." Lum's imagination ran wild the whole way home. * * * Later, Ten was fast asleep on his little futon. Lum had fallen asleep on the window sill, like a cat. Ataru, unable to sleep, admired her in the moonlight. "I am insane," he whispered. "I must be." He gathered Lum gingerly, and lifted her onto his futon, and pulled the cover over her. "Well, she took care of me all those weeks. She deserves a little something." Lum stirred. "Darling..." "Ohhhh, Lum. What am I going to do with you?" "Marry me," she said, still asleep. "Maybe I will," he whispered. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What were you crying about earlier, Darling?" She was still not fully awake, and her speech was slow. "I was just thinking about how nice you've been these past few weeks. No electric shocks." "Doesn't take much to make you happy, huh?" Lum yawned. "Do you still have the Tiger-Stars, Lum?" "Huh? I think so..." She fumbled in her bra. There were some clanking sounds. *As I thought,* Ataru thought. *She keeps everything in there.* She came up with two rings, with a delicate tiger-stripe pattern on the large gems. "You mean these?" She held them up. Ataru grabbed her hand, and one of the rings. "I must be totally out of my mind." A tear rolled down his cheek. "Lum..." He wiped his eyes, then slipped the ring on Lum's finger. * * * Part 3: Rising to the Challenge! The Art of Love & War Ataru yawned, and rubbed his sore muscles. Last night had been rough. He'd forgotten how "loving" Lum could be. "Mom, you seen Lum?" "Yes," Mrs. Moroboshi said, placing a bowl of soup in front of Ataru. "She left early. Said she wanted to tell everyone at school the good news." "Oh, great." Ataru slumped. "What good news?" "Later, Mom." Ataru gulped the soup all at once, grabbed his rice bowl, and headed for the door. "I just hope I'm not too late." He slipped his shoes on in an instant and was gone. "Hey, wait!" Ten panted and puffed as he caught up with Ataru. "What's this good news?" "Lum'n me are getting married," Ataru said between gulps of rice. "WHAT!?!? But I thought you already were." "Not according to Earth custom, we weren't. Or any custom, for that matter," he said, thoughtfully. "Then why do you have to hurry? You should be happy it's finally over with." "Because Lum's got a big mouth. She'll blurt the whole thing to the class all at once. And you know what happens then, right?" The rice was almost gone. "What?" "Three things. No, four. 1) Every boy in class will want to kill me. Except maybe Megane, at least not outright, but even he will continue to plt ways of offing me at an opportune moment. When they get done, 2) Mendou moves in with the tanks and helicopters. 3) All the girls will kiss what's left of me and laugh their heads off, shouting, "Free at last!" And finally, 4) Shinobu will scrape me off the floor and dice me." Ataru slipped the empty rice bowl into his bookbag. "Wow. When'd you start thinkin' so deep? You're really in for it, huh?" "You guessed it, Jariten." Ataru set his face, a steely look Ten had never seen before. It frightened him. "Somehow, I must avert disaster." He quickened his pace, and smiled. 'But you'll back me up, right, Ten old buddy?" "No way, idiot!" ten said, with fire in his eyes. "You deserve every bit, for makin' Lum suffer all this time. Serves ya right, if ya ask me." With that, he looped around and headed home. "You really find out who your friends are, in a crisis," Ataru muttered. "Well, best to take this like a man." He broke into a jog. At school, everything was as usual. Pandemonium reigned in the classroom. Ataru looked for Lum , but the smoke stung his eyes. He gave up, and instead looked for Megane or Mendo, realizing neither of them could be too far from Lum. *There she is.* But Lum noticed him first. "Darling!" she cried, and flew toward him. "Oni-chan!" Ataru said. He grabbed her and spoke into her ear. "What did you tell them?" "Nothing yet. I was hoping we could tell them together." She smiled at him. "Oh, Darling. You make me so happy!" She hugged him, and before he could say anyhting, she sent ten thousand volts through his body. "I-I'm not telling them y-yet," Ataru stammered, trying to regain control of his body. "And p-p-please try to show some restraint." *I hope I still have those ribbons. Or my sex life will be short and painful.* "But, why?" "Because I'll be killed." "You might be killed anyway, Darling," Lum growled. "Why can't you love me in public?" "Oh, yeah?" Ataru shouted angrily. "You think I can't?" He grabbed her, bent her over, and kissed her full on the lips. Lum's eyes rolled up into her head, and indiscriminate little cute noises began coming from her smiling mouth. "G-g-g-g. Oh, oh. he does, he does! I'll take two of those, please, waiter." Unfortunately for Ataru, everyone saw. All action stopped, as if time itself had stopped. There were various looks of shock and disbelief on everyone's faces. And rage on some. Ataru, still holding Lum, looked up to find Shinobu in his face. "You flirtatious scum!" she shouted. "I'll kill you!" Dodging did him no good in evading the creature's grasp. Lum hit the floor hard, but seemed not to notice anything. "You've had it, Ataru!" she screamed. Ataru could tell she'd finally gone over the edge. He struggled to break the choke hold, but to no avail. "I'll kill you!" "L-let go!" Ataru gurgled. "Here, Darling," Lum, who had finally regained her senses, handed him the object. "Oh, thanks." POW! His head was suddenly free, thanks to good old Mr. Sledge Hammer. Shinobu reeled. "Hah! Now it's my turn!" "Not so fast, Moroboshi!" Ataru whipped around to regard Mendou. "You shall not escape so easily." *Crap,* Ataru thought. *Time to remember all those tag skills I learned so long ago.* "Bring it on." He smiled craftily, and assumed his pose. The slash came a second too late. Ataru was already on his way to the ceiling, and brought the hammer around in an arc that whacked Mendou's hands away. The trip down would land him in among the Stormtropers, so he spun, holding the hammer out and down. BOP! SMASH! SHATTER! CRUNCH! *Four wax mannequins, ready for delivery.* He landed gingerly among the disabled youths, only to be waylaid by the still-staggering Shinobu. He fell to his knees. He looked up to regard Mendou's sword-point. "Now, Moroboshi, you have met your final day. You have sullied our dear, sweet Lum for the last time." Ataru's entire attention was focussed on the sword point. It seemed to be sparking slightly. Was that his fear-stricken mind? Hallucinating? No, the sword was definitely sparking. Little electric charges were running down it and jumping off the end. He looked at Mendou, who now seemed consumed by his rage. Smoke rose from his clothes, and his blackened face suddenly became slack as he fell backward. His fall revealed Lum, elbow on fingers, smiling. "Well done!" Ataru shouted. "Thanks!" Lum shouted back. "Not so fast, demon-girl!" Lum turned her arm toward Shinobu. "Nobody touches my Darling." ZAK-ZAK-ZAK!! "Class is starting. Everyone sit down." Onsen-Mark walked into the room, ignoring the blood and bodies on the floor. Everyone (who waa conscious) settled into their seats. Shinobu, Mendo, and the Stormtroopers were sent into the hall for ten minutes, for failing to obey. Class went on normally. Lunchtime! desks groaned as they slid across the floor. Kids yammered and laughed. Ataru was finally able to enjoy himself at lunch, since everyone involved seemed to be off plotting his demise. Lum never let go of him once. Megane unwrapped his lunchbox, to find a note tucked inside. "Meet me behind the clock tower after school. We have to discuss your future with Lum. -Ataru." Megane smiled. *Maybe, finally... he's stepping aside??? Lum's letting him go???* * * * Part 3 Liner Notes, from he who brought you this wonderful story (and you'd better like it, or else!) Ataru's nickname for Lum, "oni-chan," is a pun. In Japanese, a standard form of address to a young lady is "one-san" (pronounced "oh-neh-sahn"). It means, "young lady." "One-chan," usually more familiar, means something like, "my dear young lady." "Oni-chan" has a very similar pronunciation in Japanese, and means "my dear demon." I'm sure the Japanese would roar over it. Not to be confused with "onii-chan," which means "big brother." The "ribbons" Ataru refers to (for those who don't know) are a pair of yellow ribbons Cherry gave ataru once which sealed of Lum's powers when tied on her horns. Episode 4: "Waaahhhh!" Megane screamed his grief and disappointment, and beat the wooden floor with his fists. "No! Say it isn't so!" He scratched his head wildly and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Megane," Ataru said, crouching down to comfort his friend. "I really am sorry." He hugged Megane, who clung to him like a child, sucking his thumb. "But I realized, on my death bed, something I've realized many, many times over the past year or so. I really do love Lum." "B-but, so did I," Megane sobbed. "I know. But my problem was, I never followed through on it. You, at least, managed to express your love for her. But me, I was scared." He held Megane at arms length. "Now pull yourself together." "But, I have no reason to go on now. No purpose. No destiny." Ataru slapped him. "I said pull yourself together! There's more to life than Lum. At least, for you. Ever since that first day, right here where we're sitting, and you had me chained up, I said you'd lost your mind. Over a sexy girl." "She's more than just a sexy girl, Ataru," Megane said, still shuddering with sobs. "Are you sure about this? Are you reallt sure you want to marry her?" Ataru let him go, and looked down at the ring on his finger. He smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure, pal. I'm sure." He got up and turned to leave. "You'll be okay?" "Yeah." Megane looked at the floor. "I'll be okay." "Great. I gotta go talk to Mendo now." He left. Megane stared at the floor. "I don't know about you, pal," he said to himself, with an evil grin, "but I'll be just fine. He-he." * * * "Listen, Moroboshi, I want to apologize for my rash actions earlier." Mendo patted Ataru's shoulder. "My anger got the best of me." "Are you feeling okay, Mendo?" Ataru held his hand to Mendo's forehead, and smiled. "Or is my hearing going bad? Did you actually apologize to me?" "You heard correctly," Mendo said, knocking his hand away. "You see, I realized you were simply following your carnal nature, just like with all the other girls." He smiled. "You haven't changed a bit since I first met you." "I'm marrying Lum." Mendo's chin made a loud CRACK at it hit the ground. "What!?! What did you say, Moroboshi??" "I said, we're getting married." "Now, the question is, are you feeling okay?" Mendo stuck his finger in Ataru's mouth. "Say, 'ahh!'" "Ge you fingu ou oh my mouf!" "What, pray tell, brought this on?" "Well, it's kind of like this." They sat facing each other over beef-bowl. "I feel like I'm in a dream. Or just woke up from one. My life before and my life now are two completely different things. You know, I haven't even looked at another girl since then." He paused to wipe the soup Mendo spit off his face. "I must be insane or something." "Well, you did hit your head very hard." "But I've taken lots more than just that, and had no ill effects!" "Well, I hear brain damage is cumulative." "That's not funny!" Ataru hit the table, spilling his untouched beef-bowl. "This is my life we're talking about! Not that I'm unhappy about it." He looked thoughtful. "I could kind of get used to this. Still--" "Still, it is a hard change." "Thanks, Mendo," Ataru said, with a grateful look on his face. "You're rough with me sometimes, but you're a true friend." "It is hard to stoop to your level. But I manage." "Thanks anyway." He tossed a hendred yen piece to the clerk and ran out of the store. "One more think Mendo." He poked his head back in. "Keep your hands off Lum. She's mine." "WHY YOU LITTLE--!!" Mendo's sword was out in an instant. "COME BACK HERE!!" * * * "Ahhhhh!" Lum stretched herself out in the top of a tree, sighing contentedly. "After so long. Now he's finally all mine." She perked up when she heard Ataru. Looking around, she saw him running, withy Mendo not far behind. "He's so cute, how he plays with his friends." Mendo took a few hacks with his sword, which Ataru dodged easily. "And he's so healthy and nimble." She set her face. "He deserves the best. I'll be the best wife any man ever had! But how can I do that?" She set off after Ataru. "Darling!" "Lum! Just in time." Ataru reached up and snagged her hand. "Up, up, and away!" They soared skyward, wrapped up in each other. * * * Shinobu watched as Lum and Ataru rose skyward, wrapped in each others' arms. A nearby tree suddenly disappeared in a cloud of splinters and leaves. "No way am I giving up now!" * * * Part two of the full version Episode 5: Great Expectations Dinner at the Moroboshi house was a simple affair: tempura tonight, with miso soup. Ataru's mom and dad ate slowly, but Ataru's own chopsticks were a blur. Food disappeared, seemingly by magic. Lum watched him with a sort of morbid fascination, mixed with her own adoration of him. *He sure does love to eat. Where does he put it all?* The rice was gone in seconds. It joined the fried vegetables in the bottomless pit. SHLURP!! That was the miso soup. "Thanks, Mom. That was delicious!" Ataru leaped over the table and ran upstairs. "Such an active boy," his mom said. "Lum, will you help me clean up?" "Of course, Mrs. Moroboshi!" Lum said with a smile. "Did Darling tell you yet?" "Tell me what?" "He's getting married." "Oh, really? Who is it this week? Kurama? Shinobu? Or maybe that Elle...." "Nope!" Lum smiled sweetly. "Who then?" "Me." The explosion wiped out nearly the entire kitchen. * * * When Lum walked into Ataru's room, he was sitting on the floor with his back to her, doing something. "Darling...." "Lum!" Ataru whirled around, and whipped his hands behind his back. "Wh-wh-what's up?" Lum was immediately suspicious. "What's behind your back, Darling?" she growled. "Nothing!" "Show me!" She grabbed his shoulders. "No!" Ataru struggled with her. They rolled across the floor. Lum finally got him in a choke hold. "Now show me what you were doing!" "Okay, okay! Just let go!" She did. Ataru gasped for a few seconds, catching his breath, and wiped his bleeding nose. "You know when you disappeared for a few days? And you left me that little doll?" "Yeah?" Lum said, still suspicious. "Well, I thought that was really sweet, and, well, um..." He showed her what was in his hand. It was a small bundle of blue flannel and dark drown yarn, with a little white patch. "I tried to make one of me for you. Heh-heh. I guess I'm not very good." "Oh, Darling!" She grabbed it out of his hand and cuddled it. "It's adorable!" She suddenly looked sad. "Oh, I'm sorry! I made you bleed." "Oh, it's nothing, it's nothing!" Ataru said, pinching his nose. "Happens all the time." "But it's all my fault. I feel bad." "It's okay, I tell you." "Let me look at it." "No!" "I SAID...!" And, it began all over again. * * * Later, Ataru sat, trying to finish his little project, while Lum cleaned his ears. They both had various cuts and bruises, and even a few bite-marks. And they both were downcast. "Lum, I'm sorry," Ataru said. "Oh, Darling, so am I! I shouldn't have made such a big deal out of it." "That's right!" Ataru said, standing up. "You shouldn't have." He handed her the finished doll. "Here you go, Oni-chan." It still looked like a lump of cloth, with a few homanoid features. "Oh, Darling. You've made me so happy!" She stood up, and moved toward him. "Wait a sec!" Ataru backed off in terror. "What are you doing?" "What's the matter, Darling? I'm only going to kiss you." "Only?!? Lum," Ataru said, sitting down. "We need to talk." Lum sat down facing him. "I know how much you love me, but you have a very painful way of showing it. You're killing me." "I don't mean to. I just get carried away sometimes." "I know. But please, try to be gentle." They stared at each other for a long time. Then, Lum leaned across and kissed him on the cheek. "How's that?" "Better." He smiled. "Much better." He smiled wider. "Much, much better." A trickle of blood appeared at one nostril. "Darling, your nose is bleeding again." "Well, time for bed!" Ataru said, standing up. Later.... ZAK-ZAK-ZAK-ZAK!!! "WAAAUUUGGH! You did it again!!!" "I'm sorry, Darling! I'm really sorry!" * * * A scorched futon lay at the curb in front of the Moroboshi's house. "That's the third time this week. I don't know how long my parents will put up with this." Ataru and Lum were on their way to school. They were early, so they took the time to walk and enjoy the warm weather. "I'm really, really sorry, Darling." "It's not your fault, Oni-chan. You just can't help yourself. Believe me, I can understand." Ataru smiled. "Still...." Lum flew off. "I'll catch up with you later, Darling! Bye-bye!" "Wait!" Ataru shouted, but it was too late. She was gone. "I wonder what she's up to?" Ataru peeked into his classroom. "No sign of Mendo," he said to himself. "Now, where's Megane? I know he's not giving up easily." He scanned the room. "There!" Megane was sitting at his desk, with his head down and a smile on his face. A thin stream of drool ran from his mouth and off the desk, onto the floor. There was already quite a puddle. "Asleep. All right. Now, Shinobu." Shinobu was talking with Ryuunosuke. She suddenly glanced toward the door, murder on her face. Ataru ducked out of sight. "Great. She's waiting for me. I'm not going in there alone! I hope Lum gets here soon." Lum made it into class just in time, as did Mendo. The bell rang, and the lecture began. Ataru felt eyes on him the whole time. He also felt that familiar ringing in his ears, which meant -- BORING LECTURE. It was hard to tell which he hated more: the thought of Megane and Mendo drilling holes in the back of his head with their eyes; of Shinobu, who was probably plotting bloody murder, but he couldn't see her face; the boring lecture; or the thought of Lum trying to ... attract his attention? He turned around slightly, and saw Lum was indeed trying to attract his attention. "I've got it all taken care of," She mouthed to him. "I have no idea what we're having for dinner tonight," he mouthed back. "Because I love you, and I want to see you happy." "Yeah, that would be good. Let's talk to my mom then." "With these." She waved two thin, yellow ribbons at him. Ataru was suddenly confused, as he realized the conversation was not going where he thought it was. He also realized, too late, he couldn't read lips. And, he guessed, neither could Lum. He wrote a few characters on a piece of paper and held it up for her to see: "Later." "Now then," he said, at lunch. "what were you trying to say?" "I thought you were following me okay," Lum replied. "Ha! I was right. You can't read lips, either! I thought you were talking about dinner." "No, I was talking about these." She held up the ribbons. "What're those?" "What do you mean, what're those?" She shook them in his face. "You have to ask? These were your dream-tools a little while ago!" "Oh, those are the ribbons Cherry gave me, to seal off your power." "That's right! And now," and her face softened, and her eyes grew moist, "I want you to tie them back on." "What! Why?" "So I can't hurt you anymore. I'll be utterly defenseless, as weak and vulnerable as you are, but it'll be worth it. I just can't help myself, Darling. When I get excited, I just let loose. So I talked to Cherry, and he gave me these." "Can't you tie them on yourself? Then you could remove them whenever you needed to." "No. Cherry said only someone else could tie them on." She looked at her feet. "Darling...." "This really bugs you, huh?" "It's just... well, you see...." "I understand." Ataru took the ribbons from her. "Later. We don't need to do this now." "No, let's do it now, and get it over with. I might as well get used to it." "Lum," he said, drawing her close and speaking softly into her ear, "You don't get it. You're my protection from those jealous maniacs." He pointed at Shinobu and Mendou, and then at Megane, Perm, Chibi, and Kakugari. "Without you to protect me, they'll turn me into hamburger. And once they're done with me, nothing will stop them f-from... from..." He grimaced. "Don't you see?" "No." She smiled at him. "Sometimes, Lum," Ataru said, standing up, "you can be a real ditz." He tapped her on one horn. "Tag. You're it." He ran off around the room. "Hey! Wait!" Lum took off and followed after him, laughing. "See? See?" Ataru yelled at her. "No fair! You don't have any horns!" "Nyaah!" Ataru wasn't looking, and ran full speed into an immovable object. Not being an unstoppable force, there was no explosion. Ataru simply fell backward onto his butt. "Huh?" He looked up at Kakugari's huge frame. "Ataru--" Kakugari began. He grabbed Ataru by the shirt and lifted him up close. "You make Lum so happy," he growled. "You'd better be sure you're doing the right thing, 'cause if you hurt Lum again--" "--you'll have US to deal with," Megane finished from behind him. "We've seen your tricks work in subtle ways, and we won't allow this one to go on any longer than necessary." "Hey, look into my eyes!" Ataru said angrily. "Can't you see how serious I am?" "All I can see is how stupid you are. And devious. Who knows when you'll turn against our dear Lum!" "Stop picking on Darling!" Lum shouted. She let them both have it. "B-but... Lum...." "Save it!" "Yeah, put a sock in it!" Ataru stuck his tongue out at them. "I'll never cheat on Lum, and she knows it! Right, Oni-chan?" "Oh, Darling!" She hugged him. Ataru gritted his teeth. "Here we go!" ZAK-ZAK-ZAK! "M-m-maybe, Lum," he moaned, "those r-ribbbbbons wouldn't be such a b-bad idea." * * * Mendo caught up with Ataru after school. "Moroboshi." "Mendo, what's up?" Ataru was immediately on his guard. "I was wondering if you'd join me for another beef-bowl after school today." "Uh, maybe some other time." "Please." Mendo looked him straight in the eye. "I insist." He eyes glimmered. Ataru thought he could see the beginnings of tears. *Either he's a better actor than I gave him credit for, or he's really got something on his mind.* "Okay. Hey, Lum! I'm going out with Mendo right now. I'll catch up with you at home." "Okay, Darling. I'll have a surprise for you when you get there! Bye-bye!" "Now," Ataru said, around his drool. The beef-bowl was looking better and better every day. "What's on your mind, Mendo?" Mendo looked down. "I've been thinking about what you said the other day." "'Keep your hands off Lum'?" "In a way. But I've been thinking more about what you said about wrestling with your feelings. I must confess," and he looked up. The tears were flowing freely now. "I've been wrestling with a few of my own lately." "Mendo, you never cry in public." "I KNOW THAT!" Mendo shouted, smacking the table with his fist. "And why don't you just announce it to the entire restaurant? KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!" Everyone turned and stared. "I'm crying because I'm confused!" "Confused about what." Mendo looked down again. "When you said you were marrying Lum, my heart shriveled. When you said you didn't look at other girls anymore, it sank. And when you said, 'Keep your hands off Lum,' it split in two. But, I think I'm getting over it." "So what's the problem?" Ataru was already halfway done. "I don't WANT to get over it!" He clenched his fists. "I want to keep loving her!" He looked up, no longer angry. "But I see it won't be possible. And that's why I'm confused." "Now I'M confused." "Well, that is no great surprise," Mendo said, wiping his tears. "But tell me. Is there no chance you'll ever break up with Lum?" "None." Ataru lifted the last strip of beef into his mouth. "Unless I keel over or something. Or Megane drops a piano on me." "Then it is finished." Mendo stood up. "My heart for Lum dies here. Leaving me nothing." Ataru laughed, a derisive, snorting laugh. "The richest boy in Tokyo has nothing. Mendo--" "What?" "Are you gonna eat that?" "You have no class, Moroboshi!" He stood up to leave. "Mendo--" "WHAT NOW?!?" "I'm kidding. Sit and eat." He stood up. "I gotta go. I've got business to take care of. See ya!" * * * Lum stretched out in her UFO and sighed. "Oh, married life will be so wonderful. I just have to wait until graduation, and Darling's all mine." She yawned. "I hope he hurries up. what's he doing down there, anyway?" She tuned her scanner, and began looking for him. "Where could he have gone? The beef-bowl place is over here, so if I scan in this area...." She scanned a little further. "There he is!" She turned up the sound gain. "...sure you can keep this from her?" The young woman was attractive. Lum sat up quickly. "Oh, yeah. She doesn't suspect a thing. I sometimes think she's too trusting. Anyway, they say you're the best. Don't disappoint me." Lum growled. "Oh, I am, I am," the woman said. "But I'd like cash in advance. I'm living day-to-day right now." "Sure, sure," Ataru said, handing her some money. "It's a bit much, but it'll be worth it." He laughed. "I just wonder what Lum will do when she finds out." He laughed louder. "Here's my address. Come and get it tomorrow afternoon." "Sure thing, toots!" Ataru turned and made off. "DARLING, YOU IDIOT!!" Lum grabbed the cannon controls, then restrained herself. "No, I'll do it with my bare hands. Fool me, will he? He's been playing with me this whole time!! 'Going out with Mendo.' Sure! Right! I'LL KILL HIM!!!" She clenched her fists. "Megane was right. How naive does he think I am?!?" * * * Episode 6: Revelations Ataru walked home, whistling a catchy tune to himself. He snickered every once in a while. "This is gonna be great! Won't Lum be surprised?" He caught some movement out of the corner of his eye. But when he looked, there was nothing. "Huh." He started off again. He heard footsteps behind him. But there was no one behind him. "Huh!" He started yet again. Now, there could be no mistake. There was definitely someone following him. He waited, slowing slightly, and listened carefully. *Just a little further.* He ducked, whirled, and grabbed the person by the collar, and slammed their body up against a nearby wall. "Aha! Caught you!" He stared into the bespectacled face. "Just can't trust me, huh, Megane?" "You won't get away with this, Ataru!" "Feh! Get away with what? You're just out to get me!" He put on a mocking voice. "'Oh, you'll cheat on Lum sooner or later!' Paranoiac! 'You're not gonna get away with this, Ataru!'" "I'm gonna stop you!" "Right. You and what army?" "That one, " Megane said, pointing over Ataru's shoulder. Every boy from Ataru's class was standing behind him, breathing heavily. Rage and murder were in their faces. "Uh-oh." Ataru swallowed. * * * Lum watched the whole scene from above. "No! I want him! I want to take his life! But, not yet." She opened the hatch. "Two can play this game." She put on her sweetest face and jumped out. "Now, hold on guys! You've got this all wrong!" "Yeah, right!" one of the mob shouted. "You've trampled on Lum's feelings -- and ours -- for the last time, Moroboshi!" They all moved in. "HELP!! LUM!!!!" The lightning bolts seemed to come from everywhere at once. ZAK-ZAK-ZAK! They moved through the mob in concentric semi-circles, felling everything they touched. An intense flurry of electricity finished off Megane, leaving Ataru the only one standing. *Steal my prey, will you?* "Harm my Darling, will you?" She ran up to Ataru. "Oh, Darling! Are you hurt?" Her voice was all sweetness and love and candy. "No, no, I'm fine," atrau said, hugging her. "You got here just in time. Where did you come from?" "Ohhh, I was just passing through." She smiled at him sweetly. Let's go home." "Okay. Now, aren't you glad you weren't wearing those ribbons?" "You have no idea, Darling. No idea at all." * * * Ataru stretched himself and patted his stomach. "Man, am I stuffed. Mom's such a great cook." "Uh-huh." Lum pouted on the floor. "What's wrong, Lum? You seem a little... off color. Should I rub your shoulders?" "No, that's okay." Lum scooted away from him. "Okay." Ataru got out the futon and stretched it out on the floor. "I'll sleep well tonight. car to join me, Oni-chan?" "Maybe later." Ataru was shocked. *Wow, something really is bugging her.* He smiled slyly. *She was probably spying on me from her UFO again. Well, let her think what she wants.* He laid down, and covered himself well. "Suit yourself. Lum?" "What, darling?" Lum said coldly. "I love you." "Uh-huh. Whatever." * * * "I'll meet you at home, Lum." "Again, Darling?" Lum said through clenched teeth. "It's been so long since we've walked home together." "I know, I know. This is the last time, I promise." "Oh, I know, Darling, I know," Lum said under her breath as Ataru walked away. "This is your last time." "I'll walk you home, Lum-san!" Megane said with a grin. "SHUT UP!!" she cried, and smacked him into the ground with a sledgehammer. "Wh-what did I do?" Megane wondered aloud. "Thanks, Oni-chan!" Ataru called over his shoulder. Ataru walked downtown. The bright summer sun lit the streets of okyo with that magical light we all know and love. Everything it touched seemed to glow with a special radiance. Even Shinobu had a flourescent aura about her. She followed Ataru at a good distance, careful not to lose him. If what she had heard was correct, and he was cheating on Lum, then she still had a chance. *I have to see this with my own eyes,* she thought. *I have to see whether he's been totally enthralled by that demon or not. Then, I'll kill him.* Ataru went straight toward a boarding house. Two pairs of eyes watched as he knocked on the door, waited, then was let in. Shinobu climbed a trellis around back, and was rewarded by a full view of Ataru and a girl talking. From orbit, Lum tracked Ataru's body heat through the house. *Now, Darling,* she thought. *Surprise!* She stepped into her transporter. The huge lightning bolt cleaved through the boarding house like a hot knife through butter, striking exactly between Ataru and his female friend, sending them both flying backward. Shinobu shielded her eyes and screamed, "No, you devil-girl!" before falling off the trellis. Lum immediately strode over to Ataru and grabbed him by what was left of his collar, and shook him. "Now, darling! I've caught you in the act!" "W-well, I didn't know you hated surprise gifts so much," Ataru said, dazed. "You didn't need to overreact like this." "Overreact? How can you call this overreacting?!?" She shook him again. "What did you think you were doing here?" "This." He held up a small burnt object for her to see. She immediately grabbed it. Ataru's head hit the floor hard. "My Darling-doll!" she cried, cradling it like a small child. "I was getting it fixed for you, since I did such a bad job on it." "Oh, darling! I liked it the way it was! You didn't have to do this." "I know. Now," he said, standing up and straighting his burnt clothing. "What did you think I was doing here? Hmmm?" "Well...." She looked sheepishly at the floor. "You thought I was cheating on you, huh? So, you were spying on me from your UFO yesterday. And that's why you were so cold to me last night." He walked over to the girl, who was slowly shaking her head. "Sunnuko-san, are you all right?" "I think so," Sunnuko said, rising unsteadily to her feet. "So this is your wife." "Fiance`. Lum, this is Wakusu Sunnuko. She's a doll-maker." "Starving doll-maker." Sunnuko bowed deeply. "Nice to meet you," Lum said, bowing to her. "Fortunately," Sunnuko said, touching the burnt doll in Lum's arms, "I thought this was so cute, I made another one." She walked over to her roll-top desk and pulled out another doll. "Sunnuko-san, thank you," Ataru said. "It'll cost you extra, though." "No problem, no problem. Here's another 2500 yen." "I'll have to charge 5000." "WHAT??" "To cover the rent increase my landlord is sure to put on me when he sees this." She pointed to the hole in the ceiling. "All I've got is 3000. And it took me months to save even that much." "Umm," Sunnuko said, and paused. "Okay. You've got a deal." She passed the doll to Lum. Ataru handed her the money. "Now scram. And don't come back." She broke down crying, and slumped to the floor. "I think we'd better leave, Lum." "Good idea, Darling." They turned toward angry voices in the hall beyond. "The back door might be best." She picked Ataru up and flew out the now-broken window, knocking Shinobu off the trellis again! "Sorry about that, Shinobu!" Lum called back to her. "DAMN YOU, BOTH OF YOU!!!!" Shinobu flung at their retreating backs. She slumped to the ground. "A doll. A dirty, stinking, lousy doll!! That was his big secret! I could KILL HIM!!!" "Oh, Darling, that was so sweet of you. But you didn't need to go behind my back like that." "I wanted to surprise you. Is that too much to be expected of a husband?" * * * ZAK-ZAK-ZAK! "YEEEEOOOWWWWCHHH!" "I-I'm sorry, Darling!" "I don't think those ribbons are such a bad idea right now, Lum. Let me have them." "Oh, goody! Now we can--" "Play cards?" "Darling, I'm going to get one more in before you put those on me!" "I'll wrestle you for it." "You dare--?" UMPH! BANG! CRUNCH! "OWW! Let go! Let go!" "Hey, keep it down over there!" * * * "Anyone seen Lum?" "She left right after lunch. Said she was sick." "If she's sick, then I'm Hirohito." Ataru gathered his books and put them in his bag. Shinobu walked up to him and slapped him across the cheek. "What was that for? wait, I can't believe I just said that." "I just hope your happy with your demon-wife." Shinobu stormed off. "What's with her? I'm still standing?" * * * "I'm home!" "Welcome home, Darling." Lum's voice came out of the kitchen. "Hi, Lum! what smells so good. Oh, hi, Mom." He greeted his mother coming out of the kitchen. But there was something odd about her. "Hey, Mom, you dye your hair or something?" "Silly Darling," she said. "Here, have some." Ataru fell backward. Lum was dressed in ordinary clothes, with an apron. Her hair was done up in a bun, just like his mother's. She was holding a plate of steamed vegetables, and offered it to him. "Your mother's been teaching me how to be a good wife." "Well, I must say," Ataru said, picking up a sweet potato, "she did a good job. You look just like her!" Ataru took a bite. "Mmmm. Good." "I made these." "YOU?!?" Ataru was incredulous. "Wow, Mom is good. I didn't think your cooking would ever improve. Of course, it's hard to mess up steamed vegetables." "Darling--" Lum began, dangerously. "You're still wearing your ribbons, Oni-chan." "Of course! Because you didn't take them off yet!" "And for good reason." Ataru folded his arms. "My feet still hurt from walking all the way home." "It's because I love you." "What? what did you say?" Lum smiled wider than Ataru thought possible. "And I couldn't otherwise get safely near you, without those ribbons." "Oh, Darling!!" She threw her arms around him yet again. "You said it! You said you loved me!!" "Well, I'm still standing," Ataru said, returning her embrace. "That's been happening a lot lately. Unfortunately, I have a whole plate of steamed vegetables down my pants. YEEEOWWWCH!" He ran upstairs, clumsily stripping out of his pants as he went. "I CAN'T WIN!" * * *