CREON AND ANTIGONE: A 7-Minute Adaptation By J.M. Steadman (jsteadma@gac.edu) Originally written for my high school history class! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Polynices and Eteocles duel. Chorus: On the field of Thebes the sons of Oedipus combat. Polynices [Points to Poly.], seeking the throne of his brother, Eteocles [Points to Eteo.], duels to the death. Each believes his cause is true, and neither allows the other to survive. Poly. & Eteo: Die, dirt bag!! Polynices and Eteocles stab each other and fall. Creon walks onstage. Creon: Both the martyr and the traitor lie dead, so I guess that puts me in charge. [Gestures to Eteo.] Our leader fought well, commemorate him to the gods. 2 extras enter, drop a sheet over Eteo., and drag him offstage by his arms. Creon turns to Poly. Creon: But this traitor, who saught to overthrow us, who killed our king, he has forfeited his rights. On pain of death, this dirt bag shall never feel dirt. Leave him to lie! Creon exits. Chorus: Now approach the princesses of Thebes, Antigone and Ismene, mourning for their brothers and desiring peace for both. Antigone and Ismene enter. Ismene: Are you really sure you want to do this, sis? I mean, you know what'll happen if- Antigone: Silence! My brother deserves proper burial, regardless of Creon's whim. Creon and guard-extra enter. Creon: I would just like to take this moment to remind everyone in the general vecinity that if anyone defies my edict I shall have his head removed. [Turns to guard.] You! Stand watch over the jerk, keeping the corpse in your view. Guard: But it's all rotten and stinky! Creon: What was that?! Guard: Nothing, sir. [Stands watch over Poly.] Creon: Good. [Noticing the sisters,] Oh, Ismene, the Queen would speak to you, if you have the time and value your life. Ismene: Okaaaay.... Creon: Good day to you Antigone, my son looks forward to your nuptuals. Creon and Ismene exit. Antigone: [Muttering] Good day to you, you overfat egocentrical power-maddened monarch. Guard: [Overhearing] Eh? Antigone: Nothing, nothing... Oh, hello Guard. There were some, uh, things I wanted to talk to you about. [Crossing to him.] Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah- Antigone continues to blah while guard crumples to his knees. Guard: [While Antigone blahs.] A womans blah... my one weakness. Arrrrgh... [Hits floor and begins snoring.] Antigone: Hehehehehe. Sleep well. [Turns to corpse.] Brother: I cannot take you to the soil, so I bring the soil to you. Rest well. [Sprinkles dust on Poly. and exits.] Creon reenters with new guard. Creon: Bod check! Hey scumbag, how're you rotting? [Notices dust and zonking guard, is outraged.] WHAT'S THIS?!! [Kicking guard's ribs.] What's going on? Who dusted the traitor? Guard: Gha-ow-ow. It-it was Antigone. She must've done it after she blahed me to sleep! Creon: I see. [Turning to new guard.] Well, what's done is done... NOT! [To guards:] Torch this corpse, there's nothing more I can do about it. Then bring me Antigone. Oh, and give her a hard time about it, okay? Guards: YES SIR! Guards drag off Poly. while Creon takes a seat and hums the theme to "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood" to himself. Presently, Guards reenter with Antigone and Ismene. Creon: Antigone, you are charged with diliberately disobeying my word. Your comments on that, please. Antigone: Creon, you may be king, but the gods come first. The gods call for burial. You lose. Creon: No, you lose--your head, that is. Ismene: No, don't do it! I was part of this too! Creon: Okay, two is good. Antigone: She had nothing to do with this! Spare her. Creon: Such love you show for one another. Okay, I'll be nice for once in my reign. Ismene can go free. Antigone: What about me? Creon: Oh, yeah. [To guards.] Bury her alive. Guards: Cool! [Drag Antigone away.] Haemon enters. Haemon: Father? Creon: Yes, Haemon? Haemon: Everybody hates the way you're running the kingdom, and killing my fiancee isn't a very nice thing to do. You are a nasty monarch! Creon: Too bad. [Exits] Haemon: He never listens to me. I think I'll kill myself -- then he'll REALLY pay attention to me. Chorus: Time passes, and the time of judgement has come to Antigone. Creon-court is reassembled much as before. The only difference is that only one guard holds Antigone so someone is left to play the prophet. Creon: Well, dear, this is it. Will you repent? Antigone: Ha! When your time comes, Hades will have something especially nasty for you! Creon: Enough! Take her away! Guard drags off Antigone. Teiresias enters. Teiresias: Oh mighty and ever-tempermental king... Creon: What do you want? Teriesias: This is very bad. The gods aren't happy with you. Oh no. Creon: The gods can rot with Polynices and Antigone. Teriesias: Where do you think all this pollution came from? Why does the city decay? It's all your fault! Creon: [Getting nervous] The people paid you to say that! Get out! Teriesias: [Leaving] The gods will take your son for this... Creon: Oops. Chorus: Creon, led to light by the blind, rushes to the tomb of Antigone. Antigone is lying on the floor. Haemon weeps over her body. Creon: What, she's dead already? Haemon: She hung herself! Creon: Neat trick, lynching herself on the floor. Haemon: Die, scumbag! [He rushes at Creon but trips on his oversized chiton and hits the floor, weeping.] It's all worthless... Goodbye, father. [Kills himself.] Creon: Great, just great. No loyalty, no heir, and condemned to Hades. What more can go wrong?! Guard enters. Guard: SIR, I respectfully regret to inform you of a most- Creon: Spit it out already! Guard: Er- your wife sir. She just killed herself. [Exits] Creon: [To ceiling] I give already! Take me now! END